Many children are forced to stay at school and study subjects that will be of little value to them in the future. These children may disrupt the education of the majority and should be allowed to leave school early to find themselves a job. What are your views?
Sample Response
It is often said that students should study at the school for some certain subjects and this will be good for their future. Another point is that those kids may interrupt their school work and be allowed to get a work early when they leave school. The viewpoint that students have to be forced to have the class at school is valid. One reason for this is that schools provide a plenty of academic knowledge to students and it is possible to enlarge students’ knowledge background when they are young and it is also a good method to force students to focus on their school work and this conditions might avoid students to spend their time to do bad things. In Addition, some educations at school are useful for their life such as students might learn professional skills or knowledge that they may have more opportunities to find a job in their future. For example, employers prefer to hire employees who have a higher degree and own a lot of professional skills and knowledge in Taiwan. On the other hand, it can be argued that children should leave school early to get a job because they can be sure their interesting and learn social skills through having a job. Furthermore, they can get much experience of the society which experience can’t obtain at school and it is possible to encourage children how to manage the money that they’ve earned and try to independent. Even though there are some advantages of leaving school early to find a job, I would say that kids should study the certain subjects at the school since the disadvantages are pointed out and because there exist so many ways to train children to learn independent and social skills.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use general school phrase Original: study at the school Suggested revision: study at school Why it matters: The institution is referenced generally, so “school” takes no article.
- 2. Remove conflicting determiner Original: some certain subjects Suggested revision: certain subjects Why it matters: “Some” and “certain” cannot both determine the same plural noun here.
- 3. Use precise benefit phrase Original: good for their future Suggested revision: beneficial to their future prospects Why it matters: The revision states the long-term educational benefit more precisely.
- 4. Use disruption collocation Original: interrupt their school work Suggested revision: disrupt schoolwork Why it matters: Students disrupt work or lessons; “interrupt their school work” is unclear in this claim.
- 5. Use countable job noun Original: work Suggested revision: job Why it matters: “Work” is uncountable, while one position is “a job.”
- 6. Use class attendance phrase Original: forced to have the class Suggested revision: required to attend classes Why it matters: Students attend classes rather than have the class in this context.
- 7. Remove incorrect article Original: a plenty of academic knowledge Suggested revision: plenty of academic knowledge Why it matters: The quantifier “plenty of” does not take the article “a.”
- 8. Use knowledge collocation Original: enlarge students’ knowledge background Suggested revision: broaden students’ knowledge Why it matters: Knowledge is broadened rather than enlarged, and “background” is unnecessary.
- 9. Fix demonstrative agreement Original: this Suggested revision: these Why it matters: The plural noun “conditions” requires the plural demonstrative “these.”
- 10. Fix prevention structure Original: avoid students to spend Suggested revision: prevent students from spending Why it matters: The correct verb pattern is “prevent someone from” followed by a gerund.
- 11. Use lowercase transition noun Original: Addition Suggested revision: addition Why it matters: The common noun in this transition is not capitalised.
- 12. Use countable subject noun Original: some educations at school Suggested revision: some subjects taught at school Why it matters: “Education” is uncountable, while the sentence refers to particular school subjects.
Suggested Rewrites
- study at the school study at school
- some certain subjects certain subjects
- good for their future beneficial to their future prospects
- interrupt their school work disrupt schoolwork
- work job
- forced to have the class required to attend classes
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response communicates a clear preference for keeping children in school and offers relevant reasons on both sides, including employment prospects and practical experience. Its main limitation is frequent imprecision in grammar and word choice, compounded by a single unbroken paragraph and several very long sentences. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the argument into clear paragraphs and express each reason in shorter, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear view is presented and supported with relevant advantages of schooling and early employment, although some points remain general or unclear.
Address the claimed disruption to other pupils directly and develop the final reason for compulsory schooling more specifically.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a discernible sequence, but the single paragraph and long, loosely connected sentences weaken progression.
Use separate introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with one clearly developed central idea in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough vocabulary to discuss education and employment, but frequent collocation and word-form errors reduce precision.
Use accurate combinations such as “find work,” “gain social experience,” and “become independent,” and avoid uncertain paraphrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex forms are attempted, but recurring errors with articles, agreement, sentence boundaries, and complements sometimes strain clarity.
Build shorter complete sentences first, then check articles, plurals, verb forms, and clause links before adding complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many children are forced to stay at school and study subjects that will be of little value to them in the future. These children may disrupt the education of the majority and should be allowed to leave school early to find themselves a job. What are your views?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.