Nowadays, an increasing number of people with health problems are using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
Presently, more and more people cause health issues because they are using alternative drugs and treatments without proper medical help. I believe this is actually a negative development because it causes the disease to worsen.
To begin with, self-examination of health tends to aggravate an easily treatable disease. To make it more clear, by self–medicating without going to a doctor, they may not be able to detect the underlying disease, which may exacerbate their disease. For instance, many studies show that the main cause of cancer progression today is underdiagnosis in the early stages because they self-medicate for minor pains at the beginning and then go to the doctor when it gets worse.
To continue, in some cases, the use of alternative medicine can lead to another form of illness. As an explanation, other drugs are often not good for the body, leading to various types of body discomfort. For example, a study conducted by the health department in Kerala shows that 90 % of people are prone to allergies if a person takes medicine that is unsuitable for their body. On the contrary, using alternative drugs and treatments can reduce their time and cost. Therefore, most people depend on self medicines.
To sum up, nowadays, self-treatment is more popular because of the time-consuming and reduced cost of the medicaments. However, I believe this is a negative impact because it may exacerbate their illness and also it may lead to another disease.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the correct term Original: self-examination of health Suggested revision: self-diagnosis Why it matters: “Self-diagnosis” is the established term for identifying one’s own medical condition.
- 2. Use a natural generic noun Original: an easily treatable disease Suggested revision: an otherwise treatable condition Why it matters: The singular phrase describes the general situation more naturally and avoids implying one specific disease.
- 3. Use the standard phrase Original: To make it more clear Suggested revision: More specifically Why it matters: “More specifically” introduces a clarification directly and idiomatically.
- 4. Supply a clear subject Original: they Suggested revision: patients Why it matters: A stated noun gives the opening modifier a clear subject and removes the vague pronoun.
- 5. Use broader medical wording Original: the underlying disease Suggested revision: an underlying condition Why it matters: “Condition” is a more natural general term when no particular disease has been identified.
- 6. Avoid repetition Original: exacerbate their disease Suggested revision: worsen their condition Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating “disease” and uses a natural verb-noun combination.
- 7. Use a logical transition Original: To continue Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: “Furthermore” clearly signals that the paragraph adds another negative consequence.
- 8. Clarify the transition Original: As an explanation Suggested revision: More specifically Why it matters: The revised linker naturally introduces a more detailed explanation of the preceding claim.
- 9. Name the intended treatment Original: other drugs Suggested revision: alternative medicines Why it matters: “Alternative medicines” accurately identifies the treatments under discussion, whereas “other drugs” is vague.
- 10. Use formal wording Original: not good for the body Suggested revision: potentially harmful Why it matters: “Potentially harmful” states the risk more concisely and formally.
- 11. Use a precise phrase Original: various types of body discomfort Suggested revision: various adverse physical symptoms Why it matters: The revised phrase is clearer and more natural in a health-related discussion.
- 12. Express the outcome directly Original: are prone to allergies Suggested revision: may develop allergies Why it matters: “Develop allergies” describes the claimed result more directly than “be prone to.”
Suggested Rewrites
- self-examination of health self-diagnosis
- an easily treatable disease an otherwise treatable condition
- To make it more clear More specifically
- they patients
- the underlying disease an underlying condition
- exacerbate their disease worsen their condition
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear negative position and supports it with two relevant risks of self-medication, using a straightforward paragraph structure. Its main limitation is that development becomes imprecise through questionable generalisations, awkward wording, and a brief positive point that is not integrated effectively; the slight under-length also restricts elaboration. The priority is to develop each risk with accurate reasoning and consistently precise language before adding any concession.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear negative position is maintained and supported by two relevant main ideas, though some evidence is overgeneralised and the response is slightly under length.
Develop each negative consequence with credible, specific explanation and either integrate the cost-and-time concession fully or omit it.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall progression are clear, but mechanical transitions and the abrupt positive point weaken the flow within the second body paragraph.
Use meaning-based transitions and arrange the concession so its relationship to the negative judgement is explicit.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate topic vocabulary, but recurring collocational and word-choice problems such as ‘self-examination,’ ‘self medicines,’ and ‘negative impact’ reduce precision.
Replace vague or non-idiomatic medical expressions with accurate terms such as self-diagnosis, self-medication, and negative development.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex sentences, but recurring problems with reference, article use, and clause construction limit control.
Check pronoun reference and sentence structure carefully, especially in examples where plural people shift to singular ‘a person’ or ‘their body.’
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays, an increasing number of people with health problems are using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.