Should animals be used in testing new drugs and procedures?
Sample Response
Every year, millions of animals undergo painful suffering or death as a result of scientific research into the effects of drugs, food additives, cosmetics and other chemical products. While most people think animal testing is necessary, others are upset by what they see as needless suffering. This essay looks at some of the positive and negative aspects of animal testing.
Many medical treatments and procedures have been developed from experiments on animals. Since animals share many features with humans, scientists use animals to test the safety and effectiveness of newly developed drugs before pilot testing on small groups of patients. Medical teams practice new operating techniques such as transplants on animals. Without animal testing, many procedures or new drugs would be extremely unsafe.
However, many people are concerned that animals are suffering unnecessarily and cruelly. They do not believe that every new drug needs to be tested on animals, especially with the huge database of knowledge and modern computer models. They also are worried that many animal tests are ineffective, pointing out that any drugs have had to be withdrawn from the market despite extensive testing. They particularly feel that animal testing should not be used for non-essential products such as cosmetics, shampoos, soaps, and cleaning products. Furthermore, some campaigners would like to see certain tests replaced and more humane methods used.
We need to make sure that the millions of animals who are used for testing new products are treated with the minimum of suffering. Although some animal testing may be unavoidable at present, treating our fellow creatures as mercifully as possible will demonstrate our humanity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise framing Original: positive and negative aspects Suggested revision: arguments for and against animal testing Why it matters: This phrase identifies the two sides of the question more precisely.
- 2. Improve the preposition Original: from Suggested revision: through Why it matters: Through more naturally describes experiments as the means of development.
- 3. Improve parallel structure Original: many procedures or new drugs Suggested revision: many new procedures or drugs Why it matters: Placing new before the coordinated nouns creates a cleaner parallel structure.
- 4. Correct awkward wording Original: suffering unnecessarily and cruelly Suggested revision: being subjected to unnecessary cruelty Why it matters: The revision expresses the idea with a natural verb phrase and noun collocation.
- 5. Use accurate collocation Original: huge database of knowledge Suggested revision: extensive body of knowledge Why it matters: Body of knowledge is the conventional expression for accumulated information.
- 6. Place adverb naturally Original: They also are worried Suggested revision: They are also worried Why it matters: Also normally follows the finite form of be in this structure.
- 7. Correct the determiner Original: any Suggested revision: some Why it matters: Some is required because the sentence refers to an unspecified number of drugs that actually existed.
- 8. Improve adverb placement Original: They particularly feel Suggested revision: They feel particularly strongly Why it matters: This placement makes particularly modify the strength of the feeling more clearly.
- 9. Use natural expression Original: the minimum of suffering Suggested revision: the least possible suffering Why it matters: This is a more idiomatic way to express minimizing suffering.
- 10. Choose precise wording Original: mercifully Suggested revision: humanely Why it matters: Humanely is the standard adverb for the ethical treatment of animals.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Every year, millions of animals undergo painful suffering or death as a result of scientific research into the effects of drugs, food additives, cosmetics and other chemical products. Suggested revision: Every year, millions of animals suffer or die as a result of research into the effects of drugs, food additives, cosmetics and other chemical products. Why it matters: This rewrite removes the redundant phrase painful suffering and the unnatural collocation undergo death.
Suggested Rewrites
- positive and negative aspects arguments for and against animal testing
- from through
- many procedures or new drugs many new procedures or drugs
- suffering unnecessarily and cruelly being subjected to unnecessary cruelty
- huge database of knowledge extensive body of knowledge
- They also are worried They are also worried
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its balanced, clearly organised explanation of why animal testing can be useful and why its use should be restricted. Its main limitation is that the writer's own answer emerges only in the conclusion, while parts of the discussion extend to consumer products beyond the question's focus. The highest-priority improvement is to state a qualified position in the introduction and sustain it explicitly throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response explores relevant benefits and ethical concerns and ultimately gives a clear qualified position.
State the position at the outset and keep the discussion centred more tightly on new drugs and medical procedures.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is easy to follow, with effective paragraphing and a logical movement from benefits to concerns and conclusion.
Use the introduction to signal the final qualified stance so the argument develops more explicitly from the beginning.
Lexical Resource
A strong range of topic vocabulary conveys medical and ethical ideas clearly, despite a few imprecise choices.
Correct slips such as 'any drugs' and choose more exact wording for reducing animal suffering.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally strong control and only occasional minor awkwardness.
Refine adverb placement and collocations in sentences such as 'They also are worried' to improve naturalness.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Should animals be used in testing new drugs and procedures?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.