Some people think that it is acceptable for using animals for the benefit of human beings. However, others believe that it is wrong to do that. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
For centuries, animals have been used by humans for various purposes, from providing food and clothing to being used in medical research. This fact has become a source of debate between people who support this action, and those who are against it. Before forming an opinion, it will be necessary to examine both sides.
On the one hand, it is believed that it is wrong for people to use animals to their benefit. Supporters of this view point out that animals often experience inhumane treatment to produce food for humans. For instance, many industrial scale poultry farms subject their animals to cramped conditions from birth until these animals are sent to the slaughterhouse. Additionally, it is not necessary to exploit animals for gain, according to these advocates. Nutritions from animal meat, such as protein, can be acquired from a vegetarian diet, whereas alternatives, including cell cultures, exist for medical research so that live animals do not have to be experimented on.
On the other hand, some people argue that utilizing animals for benefit is completely acceptable. A reason for this view is that animals, despite being sentient, are still largely controlled by their instincts. Owing to this lack of higher mental capacity, they probably do not deserve the same rights that humans have. Furthermore, there are human needs that cannot be fulfilled without making use of animals. For instance, as there are so many people on Earth, it is impossible not to use animals for sustenance. If animals were to disappear overnight, billions would die of starvation.
In my opinion, while it is understandable that animals should live free from human exploitation, it is not wrong to use animals for humans’ gain. Nevertheless, mankind should attempt to develop as many alternatives to help animals avoid needless suffering as possible, but without harming humans’ own development as a species.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the extra comma Original: this action, and Suggested revision: this action and Why it matters: A comma should not separate the two coordinated groups governed by between.
- 2. Clarify the beneficiary Original: use animals to their benefit Suggested revision: use animals for their own benefit Why it matters: For their own benefit more clearly identifies people as the beneficiaries.
- 3. Avoid needless repetition Original: from birth until these animals are sent Suggested revision: from birth until they are sent Why it matters: The pronoun creates smoother reference to the animals already named in the sentence.
- 4. Use the correct noun Original: Nutritions Suggested revision: Nutrients Why it matters: Nutrients names substances such as protein, whereas nutrition is normally an uncountable process or field.
- 5. Remove redundancy Original: animal meat Suggested revision: meat Why it matters: Meat already denotes animal flesh, so animal is redundant here.
- 6. Use a natural passive Original: do not have to be experimented on Suggested revision: need not be used in experiments Why it matters: The revision avoids the awkward passive construction while preserving the claim.
- 7. Specify the benefit Original: utilizing animals for benefit Suggested revision: using animals for human benefit Why it matters: Human makes the intended beneficiary explicit and using is suitably direct.
- 8. Use comparative structure Original: the same rights that humans have Suggested revision: the same rights as humans Why it matters: The same ... as forms a more concise and natural comparative structure.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Before forming an opinion, it will be necessary to examine both sides. Suggested revision: Before forming an opinion, both sides must be examined. Why it matters: The revision removes the dangling introductory phrase whose implied subject is absent in the original.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Nevertheless, mankind should attempt to develop as many alternatives to help animals avoid needless suffering as possible, but without harming humans’ own development as a species. Suggested revision: Nevertheless, mankind should attempt to develop as many alternatives as possible to prevent needless animal suffering without harming humans’ own development as a species. Why it matters: Placing as possible beside alternatives and removing the awkward but construction makes the sentence clearer.
Suggested Rewrites
- this action, and this action and
- use animals to their benefit use animals for their own benefit
- from birth until these animals are sent from birth until they are sent
- Nutritions Nutrients
- animal meat meat
- do not have to be experimented on need not be used in experiments
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response discusses both positions in a balanced, well-organised way and gives a clear, qualified opinion supported by relevant examples. Its main limitation is that some claims, particularly about animals' mental capacity and global food needs, are asserted too broadly; develop these points with more precise reasoning and refine a few awkward word choices to make an already strong argument more nuanced.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly addressed, the writer's opinion is clear, and the main ideas are well developed with relevant examples.
Qualify the broad claims about animal cognition and mass starvation with more measured reasoning or specific support.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two balanced discussion paragraphs, and a concise opinion-led conclusion.
Strengthen the transition into the final opinion by explicitly synthesising the strongest point from each preceding view.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a wide and generally precise vocabulary, though a few forms and collocations such as Nutritions and utilizing animals for benefit are inaccurate.
Refine noun forms and collocations, using expressions such as nutrients and using animals for human benefit.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only occasional minor punctuation or phrasing lapses.
Polish sentence boundaries and parallel structures so that the few remaining slips do not interrupt otherwise strong grammatical control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that it is acceptable for using animals for the benefit of human beings. However, others believe that it is wrong to do that. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.