Examine the arguments in favour of and against animal experiments, and come to a conclusion on this issue.
Sample Response
Issues related to animal experimentation are frequently discussed these days, particularly in the media. It is often said that animals should not be used in testing because it is cruel and unnecessary. This essay will examine the arguments for and against animal testing.
On the one hand, the people who support these experiments say that we must do tests on animals. For instance, many famous lifesaving drugs were invented in this way, and animal experiments may help us to find more cures in the future. Indeed, possibly even a cure for cancer and AIDS. Furthermore, the animals which are used are not usually wild but are bred especially for experiments. Therefore, they believe it is not true that animal experiments are responsible for reducing the number of wild animals on the planet.
On the other hand, others feel that there are good arguments against this. First and foremost, animal experiments are unkind and cause animals a lot of pain. In addition, they feel that many tests are not really important, and in fact animals are not only used to test new medicines but also new cosmetics, which could be tested on humans instead. Another issue is that sometimes an experiment on animals gives us the wrong result because animals’ bodies are not exactly the same as our own. As a consequence, this testing may not be providing the safety that its proponents claim.
In conclusion, I am of the opinion, on balance, that the benefits do not outweigh the disadvantages, and testing on animals should not continue. Although it may improve the lives of humans, it is not fair that animals should suffer in order to achieve this.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural preposition Original: in Suggested revision: for Why it matters: “Used for testing” is the more natural collocation for describing purpose.
- 2. Clarify pronoun reference Original: because it is cruel and unnecessary Suggested revision: because such testing is cruel and unnecessary Why it matters: Naming “testing” removes possible ambiguity in the pronoun “it.”
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: the people who support these experiments Suggested revision: people who support these experiments Why it matters: No definite article is needed when referring generally to supporters.
- 4. Use formal collocation Original: do Suggested revision: conduct Why it matters: “Conduct tests” is the more precise academic collocation.
- 5. Choose accurate collocation Original: invented Suggested revision: developed Why it matters: Medicines are conventionally said to be developed rather than invented.
- 6. Tighten relative clause Original: the animals which are used Suggested revision: the animals used in experiments Why it matters: The reduced relative clause is clearer and specifies the relevant use.
- 7. Name opposing group Original: others Suggested revision: opponents Why it matters: “Opponents” identifies the contrasting group more directly than “others.”
- 8. Use precise adjective Original: not really important Suggested revision: unnecessary Why it matters: “Unnecessary” states the criticism more precisely and concisely.
- 9. Use academic phrasing Original: sometimes an experiment on animals gives us the wrong result Suggested revision: animal experiments sometimes produce misleading results Why it matters: The revision uses a more formal verb and a precise description of unreliable findings.
- 10. Clarify pronoun reference Original: Although it may improve the lives of humans Suggested revision: Although animal testing may improve human lives Why it matters: Naming “animal testing” makes the concessive clause's subject explicit.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Indeed, possibly even a cure for cancer and AIDS. Suggested revision: Indeed, this research could possibly even lead to a cure for cancer and AIDS. Why it matters: The original fragment needs a subject and finite verb to form a complete sentence.
Suggested Rewrites
- in for
- because it is cruel and unnecessary because such testing is cruel and unnecessary
- the people who support these experiments people who support these experiments
- do conduct
- invented developed
- the animals which are used the animals used in experiments
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response examines both positions directly, maintains a clear conclusion, and organises relevant arguments into an easy-to-follow discussion. Its main limitation is that some supporting points, especially the claim about specially bred animals, are asserted rather than evaluated in relation to the ethical issue. The best improvement would be to deepen the analysis of each side and make the supporting evidence more precise and persuasive.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides are addressed with a clear final position and generally relevant, developed supporting ideas.
Evaluate the significance of each example more deeply so that every supporting point directly strengthens the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with clear and mostly natural linking between points.
Integrate transitions more subtly and connect each example more explicitly to the paragraph's central claim.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective topic-specific choices and only occasional awkward phrasing.
Refine a few broad expressions by choosing more exact terms for medical research, ethics, and experimental reliability.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, while only minor lapses and one sentence fragment appear.
Convert fragments such as the standalone possibility about cures into fully integrated sentences for consistently polished control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Examine the arguments in favour of and against animal experiments, and come to a conclusion on this issue.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.