In today’s world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can art tell us about life that science and technology cannot?
Sample Response
In this modern era of continual scientific and technological advancement, artists are still gaining a lot of respect from people the world over. There are a number of things about life that the arts can teach us that science and technology fail to.
Many forms of art, especially literature, can deliver messages about the appreciation of what we have in life as well as life itself. Hundreds of literary works depict misery, misfortune and sorrow that still exist in life today, and this sends a strong message to those who do not appreciate their lives. “The Goldfinch”, for example, which narrates a story about the miserable life of the main character after the unfortunate death of his mother makes us wonder whether we have become heartless toward our own loved ones. I doubt that there are any technologies in the world that could manage to convey such a powerful message.
Arts teach us to cherish the beauty of culture and is the fuel for our spiritual lives. This is extremely important in a world where science and technology seem to fade our belief in the gravity of culture in daily life. The connection between art and culture is boundless, and traditional music and ancient paintings can remind us of where we came from and who we are. That is to say, our cultural identity is preserved in various forms of art.
Although science and technology advance our understanding of all things and better our lives, arts can touch us to a much deeper extent, help us value what we have, and remind us of the significance of our culture.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use more precise phrasing Original: are still gaining a lot of respect Suggested revision: continue to command considerable respect Why it matters: This phrasing expresses sustained public regard more precisely.
- 2. Choose a precise noun Original: things about life Suggested revision: aspects of life Why it matters: ‘Aspects’ is more precise and suitably academic here.
- 3. Improve the collocation Original: deliver messages about Suggested revision: convey lessons about Why it matters: Art more naturally ‘conveys lessons’ in this context.
- 4. Remove redundancy Original: still exist in life today Suggested revision: still exist today Why it matters: ‘In life’ is redundant because the sentence already refers to present-day misery.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: narrates a story about Suggested revision: tells the story of Why it matters: This is a more natural collocation for describing a novel.
- 6. Avoid redundant wording Original: unfortunate death Suggested revision: death Why it matters: The adjective adds little because a parent’s death is already understood as unfortunate.
- 7. Use uncountable technology Original: any technologies in the world that could manage to Suggested revision: any technology in the world capable of Why it matters: ‘Technology’ is normally uncountable when referring generally to technological capability.
- 8. Correct the verb choice Original: fade Suggested revision: weaken Why it matters: ‘Fade’ is not used transitively with ‘belief’ in this way.
- 9. Clarify the intended meaning Original: gravity Suggested revision: importance Why it matters: ‘Importance’ conveys the intended value of culture more accurately than ‘gravity’.
- 10. Use a concise adverb Original: to a much deeper extent Suggested revision: much more deeply Why it matters: The adverbial form is more concise and natural after ‘touch us’.
Suggested Rewrites
- are still gaining a lot of respect continue to command considerable respect
- things about life aspects of life
- deliver messages about convey lessons about
- still exist in life today still exist today
- narrates a story about tells the story of
- unfortunate death death
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, relevant account of how art deepens appreciation of life and preserves cultural identity, supported by a well-chosen literary example and generally fluent language. Its main limitation is that the second idea remains fairly general and several collocations or agreement choices are awkward; the highest-priority improvement is to develop each claim with more precise explanation of how artistic experience provides insights unavailable through science or technology.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question through two relevant ideas, with the literary example providing effective support.
Develop the cultural-identity point with a specific example and a sharper comparison with what science and technology cannot reveal.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion.
Strengthen the connection between the two body ideas so they build a more unified explanation rather than functioning mainly as separate points.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often effective, although several expressions are imprecise or awkwardly collocated.
Replace phrases such as science and technology fading belief in culture with more natural and exact wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally strong control, despite occasional agreement and punctuation errors.
Check subject-verb agreement and punctuation around long relative clauses to make complex sentences consistently accurate.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In today’s world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can art tell us about life that science and technology cannot?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.