In today's world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot?
Sample Response
It is true that science and technology, nowadays, have benefitted the whole world in all aspects. Although science and technology have a greater impact in our lives, the role of artists is unforgettable, and they contribute a lot in our lives.
There are many things that artists can tell us about life that science and technology failed to. To commence with, communication between people in every nation which is the language that they speak with each other, in fact, is a branch of art, this gives people the sense of humanity, and this perhaps the only difference between human beings and animals. Furthermore, creative people can boost us emotionally and change our feelings. For example, lots of Beethoven's fans listen to his music pieces because they feel relieved and motivated, so music controls our emotions and translates our feelings.
Another field in which we learn from art is related to culture and history. Many states show their history through a piece of painting or the way that people dance and wear, for the majority of people this is the sort of entertainment too, there are people who travel around the globe to visit historical places and art galleries. By contrast, this is not the case when science and technology are considered as they all about practical and physical aspect and do not contribute in our lives emotionally and socially. To conclude, there is no denying the fact that science and technology have great value in our life. However, artists can teach people about many aspects of their life that the former cannot.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix impact preposition Original: in Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The noun "impact" takes the preposition "on" when naming what is affected.
- 2. Use appropriate evaluation Original: the role of artists is unforgettable Suggested revision: the role of artists remains significant Why it matters: A role can be significant or important, whereas "unforgettable" normally describes an experience or memory.
- 3. Fix contribution phrase Original: contribute a lot in our lives Suggested revision: contribute greatly to our lives Why it matters: The verb "contribute" takes "to," and the adverb is more appropriate for an academic essay.
- 4. Correct tense and completion Original: science and technology failed to Suggested revision: science and technology cannot Why it matters: The present modal matches the general comparison and completes the clause clearly.
- 5. Use natural emotion verb Original: boost Suggested revision: uplift Why it matters: "Uplift" naturally describes improving someone's emotional state.
- 6. Use precise influence verb Original: change Suggested revision: influence Why it matters: The replacement expresses an effect on emotions without implying that every feeling is completely changed.
- 7. Fix possessive structure Original: lots of Beethoven's fans Suggested revision: many Beethoven fans Why it matters: The composer's name functions directly as a modifier, so the possessive form is unnecessary.
- 8. Use precise music term Original: music pieces Suggested revision: compositions Why it matters: "Compositions" is the more precise term for works written by a composer.
- 9. Avoid absolute verb Original: controls Suggested revision: influences Why it matters: "Influences" preserves the stated effect without making the overly absolute claim that music controls emotions.
- 10. Fix verb collocation Original: translates Suggested revision: expresses Why it matters: Music can express feelings, whereas "translate" requires a source and target form.
- 11. Simplify clause structure Original: Another field in which we learn from art is related to Suggested revision: Art can also teach us about Why it matters: The revision directly links art to the two subjects without the awkward nested construction.
- 12. Fix contrast structure Original: when science and technology are considered as Suggested revision: with science and technology, as Why it matters: The replacement forms a grammatical contrast and introduces the following explanation.
Suggested Rewrites
- in on
- the role of artists is unforgettable the role of artists remains significant
- contribute a lot in our lives contribute greatly to our lives
- science and technology failed to science and technology cannot
- boost uplift
- change influence
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay identifies relevant areas that art reveals—human connection, emotion, culture, and history—and the Beethoven example gives one idea useful support. Its main limitation is that several claims are broad or questionable and long comma-linked sentences reduce clarity. The highest-priority improvement is to develop two precise contrasts between artistic insight and scientific knowledge, using controlled sentences and specific examples for each.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers the question with several relevant distinctions, but some claims are only loosely explained or insufficiently convincing.
Focus on two defensible ideas, such as emotional expression and cultural memory, and explain why science cannot provide them in the same way.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, thematic progression, and conclusion, but very long sentences weaken internal flow.
Separate each main idea and example into shorter sentences with explicit logical links.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for discussing art, emotion, and culture, though several collocations and expressions are imprecise.
Use natural phrases such as affects our lives, evokes emotion, reflects culture, and practical dimensions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted frequently, but run-on sentences, missing verbs, agreement errors, and article problems reduce control.
Replace comma splices with full stops or conjunctions and check that every clause contains a complete verb phrase.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In today's world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.