Some people say that art subjects such as music, drama and creative writing are an essential part of education, and every school should include them in its syllabus. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and examples
Sample Response
Art subjects such as music, drama and creative writing are fundamentals that enrich our lives. However, some parents say schools concentrate on teaching more academic subjects, such as mathematics, science, literature and history. In my opinion, both academic and arts subjects should be taught and I will expand on the pros and cons of including arts in the school program further on in this essay.
On the one hand, academic subjects are often required when we get into higher educations. Academic subjects may be considered as precious basement in the academic world. Personally, I have never taken an entrance exam of art subjects for high school or university. In other words, schools measured my academic abilities using academic subjects, not art subjects. To suit the current educational system, many parents in my home country, Japan, send their children to cram schools to study academic subjects deeply.
On the other hand, art subjects can strengthen the creativity and flexibility of individuals. Liberal arts, which include cultural understanding and knowledge, also include other arts subjects. In addition, we are living in the era of automation and artificial intelligence which are replacing human labor and office work more and more. In this regard, human creativity becomes more important. Therefore, art subjects are being more in demand to make a difference between individuals and computers.
In conclusion, academic and arts subjects should blend in a school syllabus in a balanced way. Art subjects can also nature a better personality in individuals, so participation in these classes should be encouraged as well as academic achievements.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct noun phrase Original: are fundamentals that Suggested revision: are fundamental subjects that Why it matters: 'Fundamentals' does not naturally refer to school subjects in this structure.
- 2. Clarify the comparison Original: more Suggested revision: traditional Why it matters: 'Traditional' identifies the category without implying an unstated numerical comparison.
- 3. Use uncountable noun Original: educations Suggested revision: education Why it matters: 'Education' is uncountable when referring generally to post-secondary study.
- 4. Remove incorrect preposition Original: considered as Suggested revision: considered Why it matters: The verb 'considered' takes a direct complement in this construction.
- 5. Correct word choice Original: precious basement Suggested revision: valuable foundation Why it matters: 'Basement' means the lowest floor of a building, while 'foundation' expresses the intended basis.
- 6. Fix exam preposition Original: an entrance exam of art subjects Suggested revision: an entrance exam in an art subject Why it matters: Use 'in' for the subject tested and the singular form after 'an'.
- 7. Use precise assessment verb Original: measured Suggested revision: assessed Why it matters: 'Assessed' is the more precise verb for formal evaluation by schools.
- 8. Improve contrast Original: using academic subjects, not art subjects Suggested revision: through academic subjects rather than art subjects Why it matters: 'Rather than' creates a smoother contrast between the two categories.
- 9. Fix verb meaning Original: To suit the current educational system Suggested revision: To meet the demands of the current educational system Why it matters: People adapt to a system's demands; they do not 'suit' the system in this context.
- 10. Use natural expression Original: study academic subjects deeply Suggested revision: study academic subjects in depth Why it matters: 'Study in depth' is the natural collocation for intensive learning.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: strengthen the creativity and flexibility of individuals Suggested revision: develop individuals' creativity and flexibility Why it matters: Skills and qualities are more naturally 'developed' than 'strengthened' in this context.
- 12. Use concise adverb Original: more and more Suggested revision: increasingly Why it matters: 'Increasingly' conveys the growing trend more concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- are fundamentals that are fundamental subjects that
- more traditional
- educations education
- considered as considered
- precious basement valuable foundation
- an entrance exam of art subjects an entrance exam in an art subject
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in its clear organization and relevant explanation of how arts education can foster creativity in an automated economy. The discussion of academic subjects occupies substantial space without directly advancing the stated agreement, while frequent awkward word choices reduce precision. The priority is to build both body paragraphs around reasons schools should include arts, using accurate collocations and specific examples that directly support that position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response gives a clear balanced position and relevant support for arts education, but the academic-subject paragraph only partly addresses the exact proposition.
Use each body paragraph to develop a distinct reason for including arts in every school and support it with a specific outcome or example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and progression are clear, though the on-the-one-hand framework makes the argument seem more mechanical than necessary.
Organize the body around complementary supporting reasons rather than an apparent opposition between academic and arts subjects.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a good range of education and technology vocabulary, but frequent collocational errors sometimes make expression awkward.
Replace inaccurate phrases such as precious basement, study deeply, and nature a personality with precise, conventional academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms communicates the ideas clearly, although errors in plurals, agreement, articles, and verb patterns remain noticeable.
Proofread noun forms and verb constructions, especially higher education, artificial intelligence is, and should be blended into the syllabus.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that art subjects such as music, drama and creative writing are an essential part of education, and every school should include them in its syllabus. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and examples
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.