Some people think that changing people's attitudes to other countries and cultures is an important factor in reducing world poverty. Others, however, feel that the most important method is the trade. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
It is believed that changing people’s perspective and way of thinking to advance a country's culture and habit is an essential factor in reducing the worldwide poverty problem. However, other people disagree with it and think that increasing trade activities between countries and regions are more important. This essay will discuss in details about the two opinions, but from my point of view, I do believe that both views are important and they should be combined.
On the one hand, some people think that increasing trade volume among nations will reduce the world poverty issue, especially trade between poor and advanced countries. It is a fact that due to the high unemployment rate in third world countries, labour and production costs in these countries are lower than in advanced countries. This condition has attracted so many investors from developed nations in doing trading and investing activities to many third world countries. And when trade volume increases, it will automatically create job opportunities for the local people, and gradually reduce the unemployment rate and poverty level.
On the other hand, other people think that the root cause of the world poverty problem is the mindset and attitudes of the people themselves. Most of the poor people have a traditional mindset and believe that education is not an important factor for success. As a result, they have a simple mindset and lack of skill which definitely affect to their economic conditions. Therefore, it is believed that poor countries should observe and learn the habit and the attitude of advanced countries’ people. By learning from them, it is expected that the perspective of the poor countries’ people will gradually change and hoped that their economic conditions will gradually improve. In conclusion, people have argued about how to resolve the world poverty problem. A group of people believe that the poor countries’ people should learn the way of thinking and attitude of advanced countries’ people, while others think that increasing trades would be the best way to solve the issue.
I personally think that both opinions are favourable and the combination of these two views would definitely reduce the world poverty.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary object Original: disagree with it Suggested revision: disagree Why it matters: “Disagree” can refer back to the preceding claim without the vague object “it”.
- 2. Fix subject agreement Original: increasing trade activities between countries and regions are Suggested revision: increasing trade between countries and regions is Why it matters: “Trade” is uncountable here and takes the singular verb “is”.
- 3. Fix discuss construction Original: discuss in details about the two opinions Suggested revision: discuss the two opinions in detail Why it matters: “Discuss” takes a direct object, and the fixed expression is singular “in detail”.
- 4. Remove stance redundancy Original: from my point of view, I do believe Suggested revision: I believe Why it matters: The original uses two stance markers where one direct expression is sufficient.
- 5. Use concise global term Original: the world poverty issue Suggested revision: global poverty Why it matters: “Global poverty” is the natural concise term for poverty across the world.
- 6. Use standard country terms Original: poor and advanced countries Suggested revision: developing and developed countries Why it matters: These are the conventional neutral terms for the contrast being made.
- 7. Use current terminology Original: third world countries Suggested revision: developing countries Why it matters: “Developing countries” is the more neutral and current term in formal writing.
- 8. Remove unnecessary conjunction Original: And when Suggested revision: When Why it matters: The sentence can begin directly with the time clause without “And”.
- 9. Use parallel plural levels Original: the unemployment rate and poverty level Suggested revision: unemployment and poverty levels Why it matters: The revision forms a concise parallel pair of population-level conditions.
- 10. Reduce inflated phrasing Original: the root cause of the world poverty problem Suggested revision: the root cause of global poverty Why it matters: “Global poverty” replaces the redundant phrase “world poverty problem”.
- 11. Use person-first language Original: Most of the poor people Suggested revision: Many people living in poverty Why it matters: The revision avoids defining people solely by their economic condition.
- 12. Fix parallel structure Original: a simple mindset and lack of skill Suggested revision: a limited outlook and lack skills Why it matters: The revision coordinates a noun phrase with a verb phrase that follows the shared subject “they”.
Suggested Rewrites
- disagree with it disagree
- increasing trade activities between countries and regions are increasing trade between countries and regions is
- discuss in details about the two opinions discuss the two opinions in detail
- from my point of view, I do believe I believe
- the world poverty issue global poverty
- poor and advanced countries developing and developed countries
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response’s strongest feature is its logical explanation of how trade and investment can create jobs and reduce poverty in lower-income countries. Its main limitation is a substantial misinterpretation of the other view: changing attitudes toward foreign countries and cultures becomes a claim that poor people have deficient mindsets and should copy richer societies. The highest priority is to reinterpret that view accurately and explain how cross-cultural attitudes might influence aid, cooperation, investment, or fair policy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The trade view is relevantly developed and a combined opinion is stated, but the cultural-attitudes view is substantially misunderstood and stereotyped.
Discuss how people’s perceptions of other nations can encourage international cooperation, fairer relationships, or support for poverty reduction rather than blaming poor populations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a two-view structure with overall progression, but the conclusion begins inside the second body paragraph and is then repeated separately.
Finish the second viewpoint before creating one distinct conclusion that explains how the two approaches would work together.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for trade, investment, unemployment, culture, and poverty, but recurring inaccurate collocations and repetition reduce precision.
Use standard phrases such as ‘global poverty’, ‘trade and investment’, ‘developing countries’, ‘economic opportunities’, and ‘attitudes toward other cultures’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of structures is attempted, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, prepositions, noun forms, and passive constructions remain noticeable.
Use complete active clauses where possible and check forms such as ‘trade activities are’, ‘a lack of skills affects’, and ‘conditions are expected to improve’.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that changing people's attitudes to other countries and cultures is an important factor in reducing world poverty. Others, however, feel that the most important method is the trade. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
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