Australia urges Indonesia not to execute drug smugglers on death row. State your position and give the relevant reasons on how far you agree/ disagree with this.
Sample Response
Indonesia intends to execute some drug smugglers on capital punishment but Australia wants it to be cancelled. In my opinion, since Indonesia is an independent country and the capital punishment is supported by Indonesian law, it should be done without any hesitations despite the objection of another country.
My primary consideration for Indonesia to reject Australia’s demand is that Indonesia is a well independent country that should not base its actions on any other country’s opinion whether they are friendly countries or not. All the activities of Indonesian Government must be done in the name of freedom and goodness of its citizens, for example, if execute the drug smuggler on the death sentence is considered beneficial for the Indonesian people, then it should be performed without any reluctances.
The second reason I want to state is that the capital punishment is supported by Indonesian law. So the execution of narcotic carriers in Indonesia is a legal action, and the cancellation of it can be perceived as broken the law. As an old wisdom says; “everything has its price”, the smugglers already knew that taking narcotics into Indonesia is illegal and they can be sentenced to death because of it, but they still did it which means that they are ready to pay it with their lives. In conclusion, I would like to emphasise that execute narcotic smugglers on death row is really Indonesia’s right and supported by Indonesian law, so Australia or any other country of the world has nothing to with it.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable noun Original: hesitations Suggested revision: hesitation Why it matters: “Hesitation” is uncountable in the expression “without any hesitation”.
- 2. Correct noun collocation Original: of Suggested revision: from Why it matters: An objection comes “from” a person or country in this context.
- 3. Use precise wording Original: activities of Indonesian Government Suggested revision: actions of the Indonesian government Why it matters: “Actions” is more precise here, and the institution requires the definite article.
- 4. Clarify intended meaning Original: freedom and goodness Suggested revision: freedom and the welfare Why it matters: “Welfare” expresses the intended idea of citizens’ well-being more clearly than “goodness”.
- 5. Separate the example Original: its citizens, for example Suggested revision: its citizens. For example Why it matters: The example should begin a new sentence rather than follow a comma splice.
- 6. Use gerund subject Original: execute Suggested revision: executing Why it matters: The conditional clause needs a gerund phrase to function as its subject.
- 7. Use plural reference Original: the drug smuggler Suggested revision: drug smugglers Why it matters: The argument concerns smugglers as a general group, so the plural form is required.
- 8. Correct legal phrase Original: on the death sentence Suggested revision: under a death sentence Why it matters: A convicted person is described as being “under a death sentence”.
- 9. Use uncountable noun Original: reluctances Suggested revision: reluctance Why it matters: “Reluctance” is uncountable when referring generally to unwillingness.
- 10. Tighten the transition Original: The second reason I want to state Suggested revision: The second reason Why it matters: The shorter transition states the paragraph’s organising function more directly.
- 11. Remove unnecessary article Original: that the capital punishment Suggested revision: that capital punishment Why it matters: The general legal concept “capital punishment” does not require the definite article.
- 12. Use accurate term Original: narcotic carriers Suggested revision: drug smugglers Why it matters: “Drug smugglers” accurately names people who illegally transport narcotics across borders.
Suggested Rewrites
- hesitations hesitation
- of from
- activities of Indonesian Government actions of the Indonesian government
- freedom and goodness freedom and the welfare
- its citizens, for example its citizens. For example
- execute executing
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response states a firm position immediately and organizes two relevant supporting reasons in a clear sequence. Its main limitation is that the reasoning is asserted more than critically developed, while recurring awkward grammar and collocation reduce control. The highest priority is to explain why sovereignty and domestic law justify the policy, addressing a possible counterargument through clearer, more accurately constructed sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and two relevant reasons are presented, but both rely on assertion and receive limited critical development.
Extend each reason by explaining why it outweighs humanitarian or diplomatic objections and support that explanation with a precise example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from the position to two supporting points, though some long sentences weaken the flow of ideas.
Separate supporting explanations into shorter sentences and use cohesive devices to show cause, contrast, and consequence more precisely.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient topic vocabulary, but frequent awkward or inaccurate expressions such as well independent and broken the law limit precision.
Use established legal and diplomatic collocations, including fully independent, violate the law, and sentenced to death.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but recurring errors in verb patterns, articles, agreement, and punctuation reduce accuracy.
Review gerund and infinitive structures after expressions such as considered and emphasise, and divide run-on sentences correctly.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Australia urges Indonesia not to execute drug smugglers on death row. State your position and give the relevant reasons on how far you agree/ disagree with this.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.