Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation create? What are the possible solutions?
Sample Response
Nowadays, people are highly ambitious towards their career while maintaining their healthy lifestyle. There is no doubt that it is not an easy task and it required lots of efforts and will-power. Therefore, this has led to various issues such as lack of attention in home chores, avoiding responsibilities etc. However, keeping a balance between office and home life could dramatically change the situation. The problems arise when people start avoiding taking interest for home and they start focusing mainly on their career growth. By this I mean that their primary focus of interest shifted from home to office work. Furthermore, lack of attention towards family could create isolation in the family that will have dire consequences on children. The competitive job responsibilities and enhanced working time are also contributing to the lack of attention many people put for their family. However, sharing responsibilities, cooperating with each other would definitely help in these circumstances. The best possible solution is to make a balance in their lives by giving proper time and attentions on both sides. Cooperation and adjustment within family members would leave an undeniable impression on their lives. Moreover, by dividing responsibilities and sharing tasks will ensure a smooth running of matters. Women can also play a pivotal role by supporting their husbands in different aspects of life. Their participation and interest is a key for happy life. To sum up, I would like to say that great achievements always come with sacrifices. However, by getting support from family and peer group help in getting the desired result. Therefore, individuals should keep striving for bright future while continuing happy and healthy relations at home.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the collocation Original: ambitious towards their career Suggested revision: ambitious about their careers Why it matters: Ambitious about is the natural preposition, and the plural noun matches people.
- 2. Use present tense Original: required Suggested revision: requires Why it matters: The general statement needs the present-tense verb requires.
- 3. Use an uncountable noun Original: lots of efforts Suggested revision: a great deal of effort Why it matters: Effort is uncountable when referring generally to the work needed.
- 4. Use a suitable modal Original: this has led Suggested revision: this can lead Why it matters: Can lead expresses a general possible consequence rather than an unsupported completed result.
- 5. Fix the collocation Original: attention in home chores Suggested revision: attention to household chores Why it matters: Attention to and household chores are the natural collocations.
- 6. Use natural phrasing Original: start avoiding taking interest for home Suggested revision: lose interest in home life Why it matters: The replacement expresses the intended withdrawal from home life clearly and idiomatically.
- 7. Remove redundancy Original: focus of interest Suggested revision: focus Why it matters: Focus already conveys the idea of central interest.
- 8. Keep tense consistent Original: shifted Suggested revision: shifts Why it matters: The paragraph describes a general pattern in the present tense.
- 9. Fix the preposition Original: attention towards family Suggested revision: attention to their family Why it matters: Attention to is the correct collocation, and their clarifies whose family is meant.
- 10. Improve the collocation Original: create isolation in the family Suggested revision: cause isolation within the family Why it matters: Cause isolation within is more idiomatic in this context.
- 11. Fix modal and preposition Original: will have dire consequences on children Suggested revision: could have dire consequences for children Why it matters: Could matches the possible outcome, and consequences takes the preposition for.
- 12. Join parallel actions Original: sharing responsibilities, cooperating Suggested revision: sharing responsibilities and cooperating Why it matters: The two coordinated gerund phrases require and rather than a comma.
Suggested Rewrites
- ambitious towards their career ambitious about their careers
- required requires
- lots of efforts a great deal of effort
- this has led this can lead
- attention in home chores attention to household chores
- start avoiding taking interest for home lose interest in home life
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s main strength is that it addresses both problems and solutions with a generally clear line of thought and relevant points about family attention and shared responsibilities. Its impact is limited by repetitive development, one-block organisation, and frequent grammatical and collocational errors. Organise the two parts into focused paragraphs and develop each solution with a specific explanation of how it would work.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with relevant problems and solutions, but several points are repetitive or only briefly explained.
Develop fewer solutions more fully by showing exactly how each one would reduce a stated work-family problem.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a broadly understandable sequence, but the single paragraph and repetitive transitions weaken overall progression.
Separate the introduction, problems, solutions, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs with one clear function each.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic and includes some less common items, though inaccurate collocations occur regularly.
Use more natural combinations such as ‘balance work and family life,’ ‘devote attention to,’ and ‘longer working hours.’
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but recurring agreement, tense, article, and sentence-construction errors reduce control.
Proofread clause structure and agreement, especially after introductory ‘by’ phrases and with compound subjects.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation create? What are the possible solutions?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.