Some people think parents should spend more time with their children, but others believe they should focus on making money. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
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Sample Response
In recent years, some individuals believe that parentsparent should spend more time with their children. However, others support the idea that parents should focus on making money. From my perspective, I agree with the statement that parents should focus on making money.
Money plays a key role in education. It will be hard for children to gain good opportunities to attend quality schoolsget nice opportunity to go to nice school if their parents do not focus on making money. To be more specific, spending more time with their children might decrease the time that they will spenddecrease time that their will spend on working, which might cause the a drop in incomedropping of income. As athe result, parents might lose the ability to provide essential financial supportprepare essential financial conditions for children. For instance, most poor families cannot send their children to schools because theytheir do not have enough money to pay for the tuition. Based on this reason, I think parents should focus on making money.
Some people think parents should spend more time with their children. It is largely due to the fact that it has a beneficial effecthas beneficial effect on the relationship between kids and parents, which is helpful for children to avoid developingavoid to get some mental issues. Some academic articles have demonstrated that if parents spend more time with their children, the risk of developing mental health issues among those childrenpercentage of getting mental illnesses for those children will decrease. Although parents spending more time with their children can prevent these children from developing mental illnessescan avoid these kids to fall in mental illnesses, physical healththe physical health is more important than mental health. Families which do not have enough money to maintain the quality of lifelives cannot afford to prioritize psychological well-being.do not have the condition to notice the mental status. This is because the life quality is controlled by the financial condition. For this reason, parents should focus on earning money first, not spending more time with their children. After parents get enough money, spending more time with their children will be a higher priority.an important thing.
In conclusion, Given the reason of education and the importance ranking, I firmly hold my position that parents should focus on making money.
Why this response received Band 6.0
文章完整讨论了双观点并提出了明确的个人立场，段落结构清晰且逻辑连贯。主要不足在于词汇表达较为重复，且存在较多代词主谓一致与介词搭配等语法小错误。建议今后加强对动词搭配与代词用法的积累，同时丰富表达方式以提升文采。
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
任务回应
文章覆盖了讨论双方观点并给出了清晰的个人立场，论据展开较为充分。
建议进一步深化双方论据的比对逻辑，使对立观点的合理性与自身观点的反驳更具说服力。
连贯与衔接
文章结构分明，段落主题清晰，整体推进自然。
减少如 Based on this reason 或 For this reason 等机械连接词的重复使用，运用更多自然的过渡手段。
词汇资源
词汇量能满足表达基本观点的需要，但部分词汇重复率较高且存在搭配不当。
注意积累固定搭配如 avoid doing 代替 avoid to do，并增加同义替换以提升词汇多样性。
语法多样性与准确性
能够使用多种句式结构，但文中出现了较多代词混淆及主谓一致等基础语法错误。
写作后应仔细检查代词（如 they 与 their 的混淆）以及名词复数和主谓一致的使用。