In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?
Sample Response
The number of sportspeople using illegal substances to improve their performance has increased in many sporting events. This essay believes that many athletes are taking banned substances to win the competition and exceed capabilities beyond their limits. This can be prevented by requiring athletes to take drug tests before the competition and punish them if they have violated the rules.
Some sportsmen are taking banned substances because they want to be the best athlete in the competition. It is in their nature to be on top among other competitors, and winning is their main goal. In addition, using illegal substances help exceed their abilities by boosting their physical strength. They are tempted to do this because it helps them to handle such excruciating trainings needed to achieve their goals. For instance, Michael Phelps, a professional swimmer, confessed that the use of an illegal substance has helped him become an Olympic Gold medallist.
One solution to eradicate this problem is to test all athletes before the competition so that they will be discouraged from using banned substances, allowing fair competition among athletes. Moreover, sports organizations should also punish athletes who are taking performance-enhancing drugs, such as banning them from playing any sports event. This will give them lessons and take away the temptations of using illegal substances. For example, the Tour de France organization has banned Edward Armstrong from entering the bike racing competition and stripped down all his trophies because of his drug violations.
In conclusion, many athletes nowadays use illegal substances to win the competition and exceed their physical capabilities. However, it is vital to have fair competition, and this can be eradicated by requiring the athletes to do drug tests and ban them if found guilty.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise term Original: sporting events Suggested revision: professional sports Why it matters: The prompt concerns sports as fields of competition rather than individual events.
- 2. Generalise the claim Original: taking banned substances to win the competition Suggested revision: taking banned substances to win competitions Why it matters: The plural form suits this general claim about athletes across many sports.
- 3. Remove redundant wording Original: exceed capabilities beyond their limits Suggested revision: push their capabilities beyond their natural limits Why it matters: The original phrase redundantly combines exceeding capabilities with going beyond limits.
- 4. Match verb forms Original: punish Suggested revision: punishing Why it matters: The coordinated actions after “by” require parallel gerund forms.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: best Suggested revision: top Why it matters: “Top athlete” expresses competitive rank more naturally in this context.
- 6. Fix the expression Original: on top among other competitors Suggested revision: ahead of other competitors Why it matters: “Ahead of” is the natural phrase for outperforming competitors.
- 7. Fix agreement Original: help Suggested revision: helps Why it matters: The gerund phrase is singular and therefore takes “helps.”
- 8. Clarify the limit Original: exceed their abilities Suggested revision: go beyond their natural abilities Why it matters: People can exceed limits, while “exceed their abilities” is logically imprecise.
- 9. Use uncountable noun Original: trainings Suggested revision: training Why it matters: “Training” is uncountable when referring generally to an exercise programme.
- 10. Fix capitalisation Original: Gold Suggested revision: gold Why it matters: “Gold” is not capitalised in the common noun phrase “gold medallist.”
- 11. Fix the construction Original: solution Suggested revision: way Why it matters: A “way to eradicate” is grammatical, whereas a “solution to eradicate” is not.
- 12. Show the result Original: allowing fair competition among athletes Suggested revision: thereby ensuring fair competition among athletes Why it matters: “Thereby” makes the cause-and-result relationship explicit.
Suggested Rewrites
- sporting events professional sports
- taking banned substances to win the competition taking banned substances to win competitions
- exceed capabilities beyond their limits push their capabilities beyond their natural limits
- punish punishing
- best top
- on top among other competitors ahead of other competitors
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response clearly answers both parts of the question, and its strongest feature is the straightforward development of relevant causes and practical solutions. Its main limitation is imprecise language and recurring grammatical errors, while some supporting examples are questionable and the two causes partly overlap. The highest-priority improvement is to develop more distinct causes with credible, specific support while checking agreement, word forms, and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and solutions are directly addressed with a clear position and generally relevant development.
Develop two more clearly distinct causes and support them with accurate, specific examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure creates clear progression, and the main ideas are logically sequenced.
Make references such as ‘this’ more precise and reduce formulaic linking between supporting points.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic vocabulary, although several word choices and collocations are inaccurate.
Replace awkward combinations such as ‘excruciating trainings’ and ‘give them lessons’ with natural academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, but agreement and parallel-structure errors recur.
Proofread subject-verb agreement, countable nouns, and parallel verb forms in longer sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.