The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is a fact that advertisements are now widespread on mass media. Some people believe that these do not serve any beneficial purposes and even spoil the society. There should be an advertising restriction to hinder their negative impacts on customers. So everything has its own pros and cons and that is why someone rightly said that all that glitters is not gold.
It is understandable that people want to remove advertisements from our lives because advertisements can be disturbing, therefore the pumping out of advertisement on the internet is distractive when doing research online and insertion of ads during TV dramas and movies is obnoxious. Moreover, advertisements are sometimes misleading and cause impulsive purchase thus the exaggeration and eye-binding techniques employed in the advertisement overshadow the true function of products and the consumers, especially the young people, would fall victims to this intensive commercial completion.
On the other side, it is irrefutable that the proponents of advertisement argue that it is unfair to ban advertisement because it is the only efficient and viable way to show their products. If the advertisement is eradicated then the link between products and consumers would be cut off. Without advertisement, companies would find it hard to reach out to their customers. Consequently, giant companies would manipulate the market and small companies would never be known by the public. Furthermore, advertisement provides more options to consumers.
To draw the conclusion, I pen down by stating that advertisement is disturbing now and then, there is realistic need of it. The government should make them more trustworthy. Nowadays, the advertisement is an inescapable and necessary existence.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the media preposition Original: on mass media Suggested revision: in the mass media Why it matters: Advertising appears in the mass media rather than on mass media.
- 2. Name the subject clearly Original: these Suggested revision: advertisements Why it matters: Repeating the noun avoids an unclear demonstrative reference at the start of the sentence.
- 3. Use concise purpose wording Original: beneficial purposes Suggested revision: useful purpose Why it matters: Useful purpose is the natural and concise collocation in this claim.
- 4. Use a precise harm verb Original: spoil the society Suggested revision: harm society Why it matters: Harm naturally describes a damaging social effect, while spoil is inappropriate here.
- 5. Use the standard policy phrase Original: an advertising restriction Suggested revision: restrictions on advertising Why it matters: Restrictions on advertising is the conventional phrase for regulatory limits.
- 6. Use the correct effect verb Original: hinder their negative impacts Suggested revision: reduce their negative effects Why it matters: Negative effects are reduced rather than hindered.
- 7. Use formal advertising wording Original: the pumping out of advertisement Suggested revision: the constant display of advertisements Why it matters: The revision replaces an informal phrase with a clear description of repeated online ads.
- 8. Use the correct adjective Original: distractive Suggested revision: distracting Why it matters: Distracting describes something that diverts a person's attention.
- 9. Add the required article Original: insertion of ads Suggested revision: the insertion of ads Why it matters: The singular countable noun insertion requires an article in this coordinated clause.
- 10. Use the plural noun Original: purchase Suggested revision: purchases Why it matters: The general claim refers to repeated consumer purchases, so the plural is required.
- 11. Use the intended adjective Original: binding Suggested revision: catching Why it matters: Eye-catching is the standard adjective for techniques designed to attract attention.
- 12. Clarify what ads obscure Original: the true function of products Suggested revision: the actual qualities of products Why it matters: Actual qualities more clearly identifies the product information hidden by exaggeration.
Suggested Rewrites
- on mass media in the mass media
- these advertisements
- beneficial purposes useful purpose
- spoil the society harm society
- an advertising restriction restrictions on advertising
- hinder their negative impacts reduce their negative effects
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay considers both the harmful and useful roles of advertising and eventually reaches a sensible rejection of a total ban. Its main limitation is that this position is unclear in the introduction, while frequent awkward vocabulary and run-on sentences make several explanations difficult to follow. Prioritise stating a direct position from the start—regulation rather than prohibition—then express each supporting point in shorter, accurately structured sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides are discussed with relevant reasons and the conclusion rejects a total ban, but the introduction gives an ambiguous position and some points are underdeveloped.
State clearly in the introduction that advertising should be regulated rather than banned, then make each body paragraph support that exact position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure gives the essay a recognisable progression, although mechanical linking and long clause chains weaken local coherence.
Use one controlling idea per body paragraph and separate examples, consequences, and contrasts into clearly linked sentences.
Lexical Resource
There is enough topic vocabulary to discuss advertising and markets, but frequent inaccurate or strained choices reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace phrases such as pumping out of advertisement, eye-binding techniques, and necessary existence with intrusive advertising, attention-grabbing techniques, and commercial necessity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but run-ons, article and number errors, faulty punctuation, and agreement problems recur and sometimes obstruct meaning.
Break the long advertising-harm sentences into complete units and check singular-plural consistency for advertisement, advertisements, consumer, and consumers.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.