Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed. Blood sports should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Killing animals for sport was the one of the main entertainments in the old society. Despite the fact that civilization continuous in the world, it remains very popular and does not do anything good against killing the helpless animals for fun. I believe that these kinds of activities are cruel and uncultured, should be stopped. To begin, the blood sports are cruel and inhumane because of the way it treated the animals. Many of these games resulted in prolonged sufferings and death of the animals involved in. For an instance, animals or birds involved bull- fighting or cock -fighting often left to suffer from pain and dehydration until the last minutes of the game. In addition to this, there is an argument that people who enjoy and participate in these games are reinforcing their violent and unkind behaviours, as it is aggressive and hurtful. Studies which show the link between watching violent video games and children’s atrocious behaviours in schools and homes can be a case in point. However, in several countries blood sports are a part of their culture and religious ceremonies; and it has been transferred through the generations. Furthermore, many have the opinion that animals are incapable of expressing feelings as humans do and it is acceptable to use them for fun and a money source. In, there are both positive and negative arguments related to the banning of blood sports, and it is very obvious that the positives outweigh the negatives. In spite of the culture and entertainment, torturing animals are inhumane and must be banned from the society. Since, living in a civilized world, human beings need to show more compassion and love towards their fellow creatures.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the article Original: was the one of Suggested revision: was one of Why it matters: “One of” does not take “the” before it in this structure.
- 2. Use the correct noun Original: main entertainments Suggested revision: main forms of entertainment Why it matters: “Entertainment” is normally uncountable when referring generally to an activity.
- 3. Use a natural phrase Original: the old society Suggested revision: earlier societies Why it matters: The replacement expresses the historical reference more naturally.
- 4. Join the predicates Original: cruel and uncultured, should Suggested revision: cruel and uncultured and should Why it matters: A conjunction is needed to connect the description with “should be stopped.”
- 5. Match number and tense Original: it treated the animals Suggested revision: they treat the animals Why it matters: The plural subject “blood sports” requires “they,” and the general claim needs present tense.
- 6. Use present tense Original: resulted Suggested revision: result Why it matters: Present tense is required for this general statement.
- 7. Use uncountable noun Original: sufferings Suggested revision: suffering Why it matters: “Suffering” is uncountable in this context.
- 8. Remove extra preposition Original: animals involved in Suggested revision: animals involved Why it matters: “Involved” is complete here because no following activity is named.
- 9. Use simple present Original: are reinforcing Suggested revision: reinforce Why it matters: The simple present is more appropriate for this general behavioural claim.
- 10. Clarify the pronoun Original: as it is aggressive and hurtful Suggested revision: because these activities are aggressive and hurtful Why it matters: The plural noun phrase removes the unclear singular reference of “it.”
- 11. Choose precise wording Original: children’s atrocious behaviours Suggested revision: children’s aggressive behaviour Why it matters: “Aggressive behaviour” names the conduct relevant to the claimed link more precisely.
- 12. Fix number and collocation Original: it has been transferred through the generations Suggested revision: these traditions have been passed down through generations Why it matters: The plural reference and the phrase “passed down” correctly describe cultural transmission.
Suggested Rewrites
- was the one of was one of
- main entertainments main forms of entertainment
- the old society earlier societies
- cruel and uncultured, should cruel and uncultured and should
- it treated the animals they treat the animals
- resulted result
Why this response received Band 5.5
The clearest strength is a consistent opposition to blood sports, supported by relevant points about animal suffering and the possible reinforcement of violent behaviour. The main limitation is uneven development: the cultural counterargument is introduced but not meaningfully evaluated, while the final reasoning becomes ambiguous. The priority is to organise the response into distinct paragraphs and develop each claim with precise explanation before drawing an unambiguous conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear general position and offers relevant reasons, although some support is only partly developed and the conclusion contains ambiguous wording.
Evaluate the cultural counterargument directly and state clearly why animal welfare concerns justify the proposed ban.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall sequence from position to reasons, counterarguments, and conclusion is recognizable, but the single-paragraph format and faulty linking weaken progression.
Divide the essay into purposeful paragraphs and use each transition to show the precise relationship between adjacent ideas.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to discuss cruelty, culture, and behaviour, but inaccurate word forms and collocations repeatedly reduce precision.
Prioritise accurate common combinations such as prolonged suffering, cultural tradition, and source of income before attempting less familiar expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence forms, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, verb forms, and clause construction make several sentences awkward.
Build complete clause structures and check subject-verb agreement and verb forms systematically during revision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed. Blood sports should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.