Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others disagree. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Sports not only improve the skills and abilities of athletes, but it also helps them kerb their lust for the thrill, adventure and passion. Sports competitions often result in brilliant and breathtaking performances which only amuse its viewers but helps competitors to explore and gauge their true potential. Few people believe that risky sports should be prohibited, while others do not agree in imposing a ban. This essay will analyse the merits and demerits associated with menacing games to present an opinion in a conclusive way.
People believe that threatening games like boxing, wrestling, rafting, bull fighting; car racing and so on should be prohibited as there are myriad risks associated with it. Proponents of this viewpoint argue that these sporting activities not only put the life of contestant in jeopardy but at times also harm its spectators that have flocked from different places to watch their favourites in action. They say that sportsmen get severely injured and often killed, loss of life or an injury leads them to a miserable life and results in the destruction of their families. For instance, several horrific accidents in Formula One Grand Prix car race have resulted in the loss of life of several spectators and drivers. Moreover, these fatal accidents sometimes demoralise others to take part in different games. Another example is of wrestling where hard punches on the head often cause mental and nervous systems disorders.
On the contrary, another school of thought believes that these sports should not be banned as they help sportsmen to kerb their desire for thrill and adventure. They say that people love challenges and they want to gauge their core skills and explore their strength through these sports. These sporting activities depict the real courage and zeal of the competitors. It improves their decision-making skills under extreme conditions because a single wrong move can have severe consequences. Moreover, they argue that rather than banning these sports, organisers and professional athletes should adopt safety measures like using protective guards, deploy reinforced wall in front of spectators on a race track and so on. Furthermore, stunning performances showcased in these events wins the heart of thousands and make them happy.
To recapitulate, the aforementioned provide plausible argument over both views. I personally believe that unsafe sports should not be banned rather proper safety measures and regulations should be implemented to make them safe for athletes and spectators.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Represent the view accurately Original: Few Suggested revision: Some Why it matters: Some matches the neutral wording used to introduce one side of the debate.
- 2. Correct the preposition Original: in Suggested revision: with Why it matters: Agree with is the correct pattern before a gerund here.
- 3. Use topic vocabulary Original: menacing games Suggested revision: dangerous sports Why it matters: Dangerous sports is clearer and more appropriate than the dramatic phrase menacing games.
- 4. Use precise wording Original: threatening games Suggested revision: dangerous sports Why it matters: The proposed phrase identifies the activities directly and naturally.
- 5. Correct list punctuation Original: bull fighting; car racing Suggested revision: bullfighting, car racing Why it matters: Items in this list require a comma, and bullfighting is one word.
- 6. Match plural reference Original: it Suggested revision: them Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural noun games.
- 7. Use plural nouns Original: life of contestant Suggested revision: lives of contestants Why it matters: The statement concerns multiple contestants and their lives.
- 8. Match plural antecedent Original: its Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The plural activities require the plural possessive determiner their.
- 9. Correct the expression Original: demoralise others to take part Suggested revision: discourage others from taking part Why it matters: Discourage someone from doing something is the natural pattern for this meaning.
- 10. Use natural phrasing Original: example is of wrestling Suggested revision: example comes from wrestling Why it matters: The revision introduces the example more naturally.
- 11. Correct noun modifier Original: systems Suggested revision: system Why it matters: System remains singular when it modifies the plural noun disorders.
- 12. Use natural collocation Original: depict the real courage Suggested revision: demonstrate the courage Why it matters: Demonstrate courage is the more natural academic word partnership.
Suggested Rewrites
- Few Some
- in with
- menacing games dangerous sports
- threatening games dangerous sports
- bull fighting; car racing bullfighting, car racing
- it them
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in its clear coverage of the safety case for a ban and the opposing case for regulation, with relevant examples and a definite conclusion. Its impact is reduced by formulaic transitions, some loosely supported assertions, and recurring agreement, reference, and collocation errors. The highest priority is to edit each sentence for grammatical control and natural word choice while sharpening the justification for regulation over prohibition.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the issue fully, develops arguments on both sides, and ends with a clear preference for regulation rather than prohibition.
Make the position clear from the introduction and develop why regulation is preferable with more precise, fully substantiated reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and overall progression are clear, though some linking phrases are formulaic and a few sentences carry loosely connected claims.
Use less conspicuous transitions and strengthen the logical link between each example and the paragraph’s central claim.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of less common vocabulary, but several choices and collocations sound unnatural or imprecise.
Replace inflated or awkward expressions with accurate combinations, particularly when describing risk, motivation, and safety measures.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used frequently and meaning remains clear, but agreement, pronoun reference, parallelism, and punctuation errors recur.
Check every complex sentence for subject-verb agreement, consistent reference, and complete parallel structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others disagree. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.