Write about the following topic Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes is banned. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is claimed that overeating causes similar damage to human health as smoking, so it is necessary to implement the prohibition of advertisements for both some food products and smoking. In my opinion, the former view is well-founded, yet the latter seems to be rather unreasonable.
It is totally understandable that consuming an unnecessarily large amount of food is a detriment to people’s health conditions, just like smoking is. In fact, excessive food intake increases body fat, potentially resulting in obesity. In recent years, the number of obese people has been constantly growing at an unprecedented rate as a consequence of overeating. Furthermore, consuming unhealthy foods such as fast food or processed food on a regular basis also brings about numerous health-related problems, such as high blood pressure or high cholesterol. Issues regarding people’s state of health caused by eating too much are for sure comparable with those caused by smoking, for example, lung cancer.
However, I do not think it is an effective solution to forbid advertisements for several particular foodstuffs. It is unfair to manufacturers because advertising is their main measure to approach prospective customers and introduce their new products to the market. Without publicity materials, many food manufacturers would experience crises as their profits declined as a result of this prohibition policy. Furthermore, it is a disadvantage to consumers because they will not be informed about the products they want to buy. It is true that advertising encourages people to purchase things, but it only plays a small part in the amount of food intake, which is mainly determined by consumers themselves.
In conclusion, I agree that the way overeating harms human health is similar to smoking, whereas it seems to me that advertising of food products should not be banned.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: It is totally understandable that Suggested revision: It is clear that Why it matters: The shorter phrase is more precise and appropriately formal.
- 2. Correct word combination Original: a detriment to people’s health conditions Suggested revision: detrimental to people’s health Why it matters: “Health conditions” does not naturally mean general health in this construction.
- 3. Correct comparison form Original: like Suggested revision: as Why it matters: Use “just as” to introduce this clause-based comparison.
- 4. Remove vague intensifier Original: constantly growing at an unprecedented rate Suggested revision: growing at an unprecedented rate Why it matters: “At an unprecedented rate” already conveys the strength of the trend, making “constantly” unnecessary.
- 5. Use plural noun Original: food Suggested revision: foods Why it matters: The sentence refers generally to multiple kinds of processed food, so the countable plural is appropriate.
- 6. Use concise verb Original: brings about numerous Suggested revision: causes numerous Why it matters: “Causes” expresses the relationship more directly in formal writing.
- 7. Simplify wording Original: Issues regarding people’s state of health Suggested revision: Health problems Why it matters: The shorter phrase is clearer and avoids an unnecessarily elaborate nominal expression.
- 8. Use formal adverb Original: for sure Suggested revision: certainly Why it matters: “Certainly” is more suitable than the conversational phrase “for sure” in an academic essay.
- 9. Clarify the example Original: those caused by smoking, for example, lung cancer Suggested revision: smoking-related conditions such as lung cancer Why it matters: This revision clearly identifies lung cancer as an example of a smoking-related condition.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: forbid Suggested revision: ban Why it matters: “Ban advertisements” is the more natural collocation for this policy action.
- 11. Match task wording Original: several particular foodstuffs Suggested revision: certain food products Why it matters: This phrase is clearer and more natural than the overly specific-sounding “several particular foodstuffs.”
- 12. Correct business phrasing Original: main measure to approach Suggested revision: main means of reaching Why it matters: “Means of reaching customers” is the correct and natural expression for a marketing method.
Suggested Rewrites
- It is totally understandable that It is clear that
- a detriment to people’s health conditions detrimental to people’s health
- like as
- constantly growing at an unprecedented rate growing at an unprecedented rate
- food foods
- brings about numerous causes numerous
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response establishes a clear, nuanced position and develops it through a logically organised discussion of health damage and the practical objections to an advertising ban. Its main limitation is reliance on generalised claims, especially about manufacturers' crises and consumers' access to information, alongside several unnatural expressions. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the causal evidence for why a ban would be ineffective and express those claims with more idiomatic, precise collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly addresses the proposed comparison and ban, maintains a clear position, and supports both parts with relevant reasoning.
Develop the objections to the ban with more specific evidence and test them against the public-health rationale for greater analytical depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses clearly through a conventional paragraph structure, and cohesive devices generally support rather than disrupt the reasoning.
Create tighter links between successive claims within each body paragraph instead of relying so heavily on additive transitions.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and sufficiently precise for the topic, though several collocations such as approaching customers through a main measure sound unnatural.
Choose more idiomatic business and health collocations, particularly when describing advertising, consumer choice, and commercial consequences.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex sentences with generally strong control, and the minor errors do not impede communication.
Polish article use and the structure of comparison clauses to make complex sentences consistently natural and exact.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Write about the following topic Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes is banned. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.