Some people think that the use of mobile phones should be banned inpublic places (e.g. libraries, shops and public transport). To what extentdo you agree or disagree?
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Sample Response
It is sometimes argued that [using mobile devices should be strictly prohibited in shared spaces like
local libraries, retail shops, and public transport]. From my perspective, I generally [agree] with this
idea
One strong argument in favour of this view is the preservation of a tranquil public atmosphereconcerns [the creation of a quiet environment]. [Whenplaces like libraries and hospitals strictly forbid loud ringtones and phone conversations, visitors canfully concentrate on their study or recuperate undisturbedrecover in absolute peace without sudden interruptions]. Thisdirectly supports the idea that [a strict phone ban] is reasonable. For example, [university studentspreparing for their final exams in the public library can study efficiently and maintain their focuswithout being constantly disturbed by sudden phone rings.]sudden phone rings]
However, a common objection to this view lies in [the need for urgent communication]. [If officeurgent communication] [If office
workers are not allowed to answer to their bossesanswer their bosses or clients in shops or on trains, they might easilymiss important business deals or delay extremely urgent tasks].tasks). This is why [a total phone ban] isnot always workable. A case in point is thatA case in point: [a businessman riding a public bus might fail to reply to anurgent client email or handle a sudden company crisis because of the strict no-phone rules on
board].
Admittedly, uninterrupted connectivity serves a legitimate purposeAdmittedly, [the need for urgent communication] can be valuable, particularly for [busy professionalswho travel frequently for businessfor their business]. Even so, it is not always decisive because of [theavailability of designated phone areas]. [As long as buildings and stations set up special phonebooths just outside the quiet zones, people can simply step outside to take important calls without
breaking the rules], so this advantage is less conclusive.less conclusive
In conclusion, although [the need for urgent communication] is worth considering, I still believe that[banning phones in certain public areas is absolutely necessary to ensure a peaceful, focused, and
respectful environment for everyone].everyone]
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay presents a clear, well-supported position that addresses the prompt effectively with logical paragraphing and relevant examples. Key strengths include cohesive argument progression and flexible control over complex grammatical structures. To enhance the overall quality further, refine paragraph transitions and incorporate more natural, varied vocabulary instead of repeating key phrases.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay presents a fully developed position with well-supported arguments addressing both sides of the issue before concluding clearly.
Ensure that counterarguments are fully integrated and nuanced without relying on slightly repetitive main ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information and ideas are logically arranged, creating a smooth and clear flow throughout the response.
Vary cohesive devices further to avoid reliance on predictable transition phrases like 'Admittedly' or 'A case in point'.
Lexical Resource
A good range of vocabulary is used accurately to convey precise meanings, though some phrases are repeated.
Use synonyms for recurring topic terms like 'urgent communication' and 'strict phone ban' to showcase greater lexical range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammatical structures are varied, accurate, and consistently well-controlled throughout the text.
Maintain this high level of accuracy while attempting even more diverse complex clause combinations.