Tobacco and alcohol are drugs that cause addiction and health problems. Therefore they should be made illegal. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Cigarettes and alcohol negatively influence human health and lead to very bad addiction. While some people believe that smoking and drinking alcohol do not have that much detriment effect on health and should be sold freely, I firmly believe that smoking and alcohol are drugs that lead to health problems and addiction and, as a result, they should be prohibited. First of all, tobacco is a silent killer not only for smokers but also for people around. Smoking is known as a cause of more than 25 different deadly diseases including lung cancer, bronchitis and emphysema. According to the recent statistics, four million people around the world die yearly from tobacco-related diseases - one death every eight seconds. Tobacco is significantly becoming a greater cause of death and disability than any other single cause. Therefore, smoking cigarettes is a huge global threat and should be illegal. The number of female and young smokers is increasing globally and completely banning cigarettes could be an effective measure to enhance public health. The amount of money a country spend each year to treat people who suffer from tobacco-related diseases could be better utilised to treat other patients. The next point that needs to be taken into consideration is alcohol that has already become a serious problem during the last centuries. More and more people use alcohol every day and sometimes not only a glass of wine during the evening but also far more than usual. As a result, this group of people becomes unhealthy. Moreover, drinking too much alcohol can lead to more serious problems such as brain damage and even can cause a separation with the partner and break a family. Moreover, children struggle a lot from drunkard parents. Therefore, alcohol should be banned globally. The negative health and social problems the alcohol creates are enormous and the banning it will bring more social stability, morality and better life expectancy. To sum up, from my point of view, cigarettes and alcohol are two greatest threats to the society and our health. They lead to various problems and harm not only individuals who use it but also others, surrounding them. I believe that people can live their lives more happily without those heinous drugs and substance.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise adjective Original: very bad addiction Suggested revision: severe addiction Why it matters: “Severe” is the natural adjective for the seriousness of addiction.
- 2. Correct determiner and form Original: that much detriment effect Suggested revision: such a detrimental effect Why it matters: The noun requires an article, and “detrimental” is the correct adjective.
- 3. Name the substances accurately Original: smoking Suggested revision: tobacco Why it matters: Smoking is an activity, whereas tobacco is the drug being discussed.
- 4. Complete location phrase Original: around Suggested revision: nearby Why it matters: “People nearby” clearly identifies those exposed around the smoker.
- 5. Use direct verb pattern Original: known as a cause of Suggested revision: known to cause Why it matters: “Known to” plus the infinitive is the natural structure here.
- 6. Use natural time phrase Original: die yearly Suggested revision: die each year Why it matters: “Each year” is more natural when reporting an annual number.
- 7. Fix degree structure Original: significantly becoming a greater cause Suggested revision: becoming an increasingly significant cause Why it matters: The adverbs must modify the degree and importance of the cause in a logical order.
- 8. Match singular subject Original: spend Suggested revision: spends Why it matters: The singular subject “a country” requires “spends.”
- 9. Use duration preposition Original: during the last centuries Suggested revision: over recent centuries Why it matters: “Over” expresses development across a long period.
- 10. Use plural agreement Original: this group of people becomes unhealthy Suggested revision: these people become unhealthy Why it matters: The plural noun “people” requires a plural determiner and verb.
- 11. Correct adverb position Original: and even can cause Suggested revision: and can even cause Why it matters: The modal verb normally precedes the focusing adverb “even.”
- 12. Use correct collocation Original: a separation with the partner Suggested revision: separation from a partner Why it matters: The noun “separation” takes “from,” and the partner is nonspecific.
Suggested Rewrites
- very bad addiction severe addiction
- that much detriment effect such a detrimental effect
- smoking tobacco
- around nearby
- known as a cause of known to cause
- die yearly die each year
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear case for prohibition and develops substantial health and social arguments for both tobacco and alcohol, with the tobacco evidence offering its strongest support. Its main limitation is that the alcohol discussion is less precise, while the entire essay is presented as one block and recurring language errors reduce polish. Prioritise distinct tobacco and alcohol paragraphs with more measured evidence and accurate cause-and-effect phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained through relevant health, financial, and social arguments for banning both substances, with stronger tobacco development.
Support the alcohol argument with a specific, credible example and explain more directly why prohibition would be effective.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning moves recognisably from tobacco to alcohol and a conclusion, but the single-block format and repetition weaken organisation.
Use separate introduction, tobacco, alcohol, and conclusion paragraphs with one clear controlling claim in each.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of health and policy vocabulary, although several collocations and word forms are inaccurate.
Refine phrases such as 'detriment effect', 'children struggle from', 'the banning it', and 'heinous drugs and substance'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence structures communicates meaning clearly overall, despite recurring errors in agreement, articles, pronouns, and clause construction.
Check subject-verb agreement and plural pronoun reference, especially when discussing countries, substances, and affected people.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Tobacco and alcohol are drugs that cause addiction and health problems. Therefore they should be made illegal. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.