Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the way as the advertising of cigarettes is banned. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Evidently, due to disastrous effects on health, some researchers argue that the publication of some specific eatables should be put under the ban. I, however, firmly disagree with this ideology. Upcoming segments are going to elaborate my viewpoint and with material facts and examples.
To embark with, overeating is considerably deleterious same as smoking, although I believe adverts are not primarily culpable. Fast food is gaining popularity worldwide since it is affordable, delicious and easy to cook. Hence, people are irresistible to intake readily available foods on the street. Furthermore, what makes today’s generaffordablsb, their own eating habits and surely they are more reliant on fast foods than homemade ones. Moreover, everyone has the fundamental right to choose what they want to eat; as such, their own choice is forcing them to eat unhealthy stuff.
On the contrary, without any doubt, advertisement influences the mentality as well as the eating habits of viewers; alert doesn’t mean it provokes them to adopt an unhealthy diet. Rather it makes people aware and provides useful information regarding a balanced diet. For example, via ads, one can ensure the level of energy, fat, calories and vitamins present in food items, and then they can decide it is worthy to their precious health or not. In addition to this, despite TV advertisements, public campaigns can make illiterate consumers aware of overheating issues.
To conclude, I believe the government must not impose restrictions on advertisement programmes since, despite attracting, it also makes today’s consumers more rational. Ministries should initiate seminars or special programmes that could spread awareness among folks to flatten the curve of this menace.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate term Original: publication of some specific eatables Suggested revision: advertising of certain food products Why it matters: Publication and eatables do not accurately express the idea of food advertising.
- 2. Fix article use Original: put under the ban Suggested revision: banned Why it matters: The fixed expression is banned rather than put under the ban.
- 3. Choose precise noun Original: ideology Suggested revision: proposal Why it matters: Proposal accurately refers to the suggested advertising ban.
- 4. Fix opening linker Original: embark Suggested revision: begin Why it matters: To embark with is not a standard paragraph-opening expression.
- 5. Fix comparison form Original: deleterious same as smoking Suggested revision: as harmful as smoking Why it matters: The comparison requires the as adjective as structure.
- 6. Fix verb pattern Original: irresistible to intake Suggested revision: unable to resist eating Why it matters: People can be unable to resist eating food, whereas irresistible describes something attractive.
- 7. Use formal wording Original: stuff Suggested revision: food Why it matters: Food is more precise and appropriately formal than stuff.
- 8. Correct the transition Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: Moreover Why it matters: This paragraph adds another reason for the same position rather than contradicting the previous paragraph.
- 9. Use mass noun Original: advertisement Suggested revision: advertising Why it matters: Advertising is the appropriate general mass noun here.
- 10. Clarify the meaning Original: the mentality Suggested revision: people's attitudes Why it matters: People's attitudes more clearly expresses what advertising may influence.
- 11. Repair unclear clause Original: alert doesn’t mean it provokes them Suggested revision: this does not mean that it provokes them Why it matters: Alert has no clear grammatical role, while this creates a valid reference to the preceding claim.
- 12. Add linker comma Original: Rather it Suggested revision: Rather, it Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory linking adverb.
Suggested Rewrites
- publication of some specific eatables advertising of certain food products
- put under the ban banned
- ideology proposal
- embark begin
- deleterious same as smoking as harmful as smoking
- irresistible to intake unable to resist eating
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear disagreement and offers two broadly relevant reasons, especially the emphasis on personal choice and consumer information. Its main limitation is that several ideas are only loosely explained, while frequent awkward or incorrect expressions sometimes disrupt the argument. The highest priority is to state each reason in precise, grammatical sentences and develop it with a direct explanation of why banning advertisements would be ineffective.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported by relevant reasons, though parts of the argument remain insufficiently explained or convincing.
Develop each reason through a clear cause-and-effect explanation that directly shows why an advertising ban is unnecessary.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognizable four-paragraph progression, but some linking is mechanical or inaccurate and one sentence seriously interrupts coherence.
Use simpler, accurate transitions and ensure every sentence connects clearly to the paragraph's central idea.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate word choices and collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Prefer familiar, precise terms such as advertising, food products, and consumers, and check collocations before using ambitious vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but recurring errors in sentence construction, agreement, and phrasing sometimes obscure meaning.
Build complex sentences from clearly controlled clauses and proofread each one for a complete, grammatically connected structure.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the way as the advertising of cigarettes is banned. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.