Shops should not be allowed to sell food or drinks that have been scientifically proven bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
People are more conscious about their eating habits now than ever. It is argued that shops should not be allowed to sell soft drinks and food items that are proved detrimental to an individual’s health. This essay will discuss the possible reasons why a ban on such eating items is essential for long and healthy life.
To begin with, the Government should play an active role in regulating the content of every eatable item that is dumped in the marketplace over the years. Due to the rising population and the growing demand, a substantial number of companies are entering the Food and Beverage industry. They are forced to sell products at a very cheap rate to create their own niche or capture the market. Therefore, they use raw materials of the lowest quality in order to survive in this highly competitive industry. Fast food items such as Chips, Frozen items like Pizzas, French fries, etc., and processed foods have high-fat content and are engulfed in low-quality oil. Additionally, soft drinks have high sugar content in all their goods. These are the main reasons for the increasing number of heart attacks, obesity and diabetes in children and young adults.
On the other hand, the lower middle class and somebody having financial problems are bound to eat such unhealthy items as they are cheaper than healthier ones. Shop owners also get a high commission on these low-quality products, and to maximise their profits, they keep a pile of stock and advise their customers to try these items. A packet of fried chips or a can of sugary soft drinks costs much less than a healthy sandwich or a glass of juice.
To conclude, the Government should ban these items or, at the least, levy an “Unhealthy tax” on food items or drinks that are detrimental to people’s health. Such steps will force the manufacturers to develop a healthier version, and the tax collected can be passed on as food benefits to the needy.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: about Suggested revision: of Why it matters: “Conscious of” is the standard collocation for awareness of eating habits.
- 2. Complete the comparison Original: now than ever Suggested revision: now than ever before Why it matters: The fixed comparative expression requires “before.”
- 3. Use the fitting tense Original: are proved detrimental Suggested revision: have been proven detrimental Why it matters: The present perfect passive better expresses scientific findings established before the current debate.
- 4. Choose a natural noun Original: eating items Suggested revision: products Why it matters: “Eating items” is not a natural term for food and drinks sold in shops.
- 5. Add the article Original: for long and healthy life Suggested revision: for a long and healthy life Why it matters: The singular countable noun “life” requires an article here.
- 6. Use lowercase government Original: Government Suggested revision: government Why it matters: A general reference to government is not a proper noun and should be lowercase.
- 7. Use precise terminology Original: eatable item Suggested revision: food product Why it matters: “Food product” is the natural formal term for an item intended for consumption.
- 8. Avoid loaded wording Original: dumped in the marketplace Suggested revision: sold in the market Why it matters: “Dumped” implies disposal or unfair trade and does not match the intended meaning of ordinary sale.
- 9. Correct capitalization Original: the Food and Beverage industry Suggested revision: the food and beverage industry Why it matters: The generic name of an industry does not require capital letters.
- 10. Use the right collocation Original: at a very cheap rate Suggested revision: at very low prices Why it matters: Products are sold at prices, whereas “rate” is unsuitable in this context.
- 11. Use business collocations Original: create their own niche or capture the market Suggested revision: establish a niche or gain market share Why it matters: These are the standard collocations for entering and competing in a market.
- 12. Choose food-specific wording Original: raw materials of the lowest quality Suggested revision: low-quality ingredients Why it matters: “Ingredients” is more precise than “raw materials” when discussing food production.
Suggested Rewrites
- about of
- now than ever now than ever before
- are proved detrimental have been proven detrimental
- eating items products
- for long and healthy life for a long and healthy life
- Government government
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in presenting a clear case for government intervention and supporting it with relevant discussion of health risks, affordability, and retailer incentives. Its main limitation is uneven precision: the argument sometimes shifts from scientifically harmful products to cheap or low-quality food, and several word combinations sound unnatural. The highest-priority improvement is to connect every example explicitly to the proposed sales ban while using more exact, natural vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear supportive position is presented and developed with relevant health and economic arguments, though parts of the reasoning lose focus on the exact proposition.
Explain why each cited product should meet the stated threshold of being scientifically proven harmful, and clarify whether the final position supports a ban or a tax.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through distinct stages, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Replace “On the other hand” with a connector that accurately signals an additional supporting reason rather than an opposing view.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of topic vocabulary, but recurring imprecise or unnatural collocations reduce lexical control.
Use natural alternatives for phrases such as “eatable item,” “engulfed in low-quality oil,” and “keep a pile of stock.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex sentences with generally good control, despite several local agreement, article, and phrasing errors.
Proofread noun phrases and subject-verb relationships, especially expressions such as “the lower middle class and somebody having financial problems.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Shops should not be allowed to sell food or drinks that have been scientifically proven bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.