Sports which are violent, such as boxing and wrestling have no place in a civilised society and should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In today’s world, sports play an important role in promoting fitness and discipline. However, some people believe that violent sports like boxing and wrestling should be banned because they involve physical harm. While I understand their concern, I disagree with the idea of banning such sports completely.
Firstly, violent sports help people channel their aggression in a controlled and disciplined way. For example, boxing teaches self-control, respect for opponents, and emotional balance. If such sports are banned, individuals who have a natural tendency toward aggression may express it in unhealthy ways, such as street fights or crime. Therefore, allowing these sports in a supervised environment can actually reduce violence in society.
Secondly, these sports also provide health and economic benefits. Athletes train hard, improving their fitness, strength, and mental resilience. Moreover, sports industries generate employment and revenue for the government. By imposing strict safety measures and medical checks, the risk of serious injury can be minimised while still allowing people to enjoy these sports.
In conclusion, violent sports should not be banned but properly regulated. With the right safety rules, medical supervision, and respect for fair play, they can help people stay fit, disciplined, and positive. Instead of banning, society should learn how to control and guide such activities responsibly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use formal exemplification Original: like boxing and wrestling Suggested revision: such as boxing and wrestling Why it matters: ‘Such as’ is more precise than ‘like’ when introducing examples in formal writing.
- 2. Express risk precisely Original: involve physical harm Suggested revision: carry a risk of physical harm Why it matters: This phrasing avoids implying that physical harm occurs in every instance.
- 3. Tighten the phrasing Original: a controlled and disciplined way Suggested revision: a controlled, disciplined manner Why it matters: The revision is more concise and appropriately formal.
- 4. Improve the collocation Original: natural tendency toward aggression Suggested revision: tendency to behave aggressively Why it matters: This wording expresses the behavioural tendency more naturally.
- 5. Use parallel nouns Original: street fights or crime Suggested revision: street fighting or criminal activity Why it matters: The revised nouns form a clearer and more parallel pair.
- 6. Avoid overstating causation Original: can actually reduce Suggested revision: may therefore reduce Why it matters: ‘May’ better matches the tentative causal claim, while ‘therefore’ shows the logical link.
- 7. Remove double signalling Original: Secondly, these sports also Suggested revision: Second, these sports Why it matters: Using both ‘Secondly’ and ‘also’ marks the addition twice.
- 8. Use the collective noun Original: sports industries Suggested revision: the sports industry Why it matters: The singular collective expression is more natural for the sector as a whole.
- 9. Supply the object Original: Instead of banning Suggested revision: Rather than banning them Why it matters: The transitive verb needs an object identifying the sports being discussed.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: By imposing strict safety measures and medical checks, the risk of serious injury can be minimised while still allowing people to enjoy these sports. Suggested revision: By imposing strict safety measures and conducting medical checks, organisers can minimise the risk of serious injury while still allowing people to enjoy these sports. Why it matters: The original introductory phrase incorrectly appears to modify ‘the risk’ rather than the people imposing the measures.
Suggested Rewrites
- like boxing and wrestling such as boxing and wrestling
- involve physical harm carry a risk of physical harm
- a controlled and disciplined way a controlled, disciplined manner
- natural tendency toward aggression tendency to behave aggressively
- street fights or crime street fighting or criminal activity
- can actually reduce may therefore reduce
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s clearest strength is its consistent position, supported by two logically separated reasons and generally controlled language. Its main limitation is that, at 210 words, the discussion remains brief: the aggression claim is speculative and the economic point is only lightly explained. The highest priority is to extend each main idea with more precise reasoning and a credible, specific example while maintaining the clear structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and two relevant reasons are explained, but the under-length response leaves both arguments somewhat general.
Develop each reason further with precise causal explanation and a specific, credible example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure supports clear progression, and cohesive devices connect ideas logically throughout.
Use a slightly wider range of less formulaic transitions within paragraphs to make progression more natural.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and generally precise, with effective items such as “mental resilience” and “medical supervision.”
Choose more exact wording for broad claims such as aggression being channelled and industries generating government revenue.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of simple and complex sentence forms is used with strong control and no meaning-impeding errors.
Refine punctuation and sentence rhythm in longer conditional and participial structures for greater polish.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Sports which are violent, such as boxing and wrestling have no place in a civilised society and should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.