Some people believe that money makes life easier and more comfortable. Others think that a large amount of wealth brings more trouble. Do the advantages of having a lot of money outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
The role of money in shaping our lives has been a subject of ongoing debate. While some people assert that wealth brings ease and comfort, others contend that an abundance of riches can lead to unforeseen troubles. In my view, the advantages of having a substantial amount of money far outweigh the disadvantages, as it enables individuals to access opportunities, alleviate financial stress, and contribute to society.
One major advantage of possessing significant wealth is the access it grants to a myriad of opportunities and experiences. With financial resources at their disposal, individuals can pursue higher education, invest in new ventures, and explore different corners of the world. For example, renowned entrepreneur Elon Musk, due to his vast wealth, was able to establish SpaceX, a pioneering aerospace manufacturer, contributing to the advancement of space exploration. This demonstrates how financial resources can empower individuals to create lasting impacts on society and the world.
However, it is essential to acknowledge that excessive wealth can bring challenges and temptations. It may attract unwanted attention and create an environment of distrust and envy. Celebrities and high-net-worth individuals often find themselves dealing with invasive media scrutiny and security concerns. Moreover, a preoccupation with accumulating wealth can lead to a lack of work-life balance and cause strain on personal relationships. An example of this can be observed in the lives of some celebrities who have struggled with the pressures of wealth and fame, resulting in mental health issues and public scrutiny.
Despite these drawbacks, the advantages of having a large amount of money are undeniable. Financial abundance enables individuals to secure their future, support charitable causes, and invest in innovative projects that drive progress and improve lives. Moreover, with considerable resources, individuals can create philanthropic initiatives and contribute positively to society, addressing pressing issues like poverty, education, and healthcare.
In conclusion, while possessing a significant amount of money may bring some challenges, the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: an abundance of riches Suggested revision: considerable wealth Why it matters: The revision avoids the slightly repetitive pairing of “abundance” and “riches”.
- 2. Clarify pronoun reference Original: as it enables individuals Suggested revision: as having money enables individuals Why it matters: The pronoun “it” has no clear singular antecedent because the preceding subject is “advantages”.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: the access it grants to Suggested revision: the access it provides to Why it matters: “Provide access to” is the more direct and conventional collocation.
- 4. Use measured phrasing Original: a myriad of opportunities Suggested revision: a wide range of opportunities Why it matters: The revision expresses variety more neutrally in formal writing.
- 5. Improve impact collocation Original: create lasting impacts Suggested revision: have a lasting impact Why it matters: “Have a lasting impact” is the standard collocation in this context.
- 6. Use direct verb Original: dealing with invasive media scrutiny Suggested revision: facing invasive media scrutiny Why it matters: “Facing” states the challenge more directly and concisely.
- 7. Tighten verb phrase Original: cause strain on personal relationships Suggested revision: strain personal relationships Why it matters: The direct verb conveys the same effect without an unnecessary nominal phrase.
- 8. Reduce wordiness Original: An example of this can be observed Suggested revision: This can be observed Why it matters: The shorter construction introduces the example without an empty noun phrase.
- 9. Match plural possessors Original: secure their future Suggested revision: secure their futures Why it matters: The plural individuals each have a future, so the plural noun is clearer.
- 10. Use precise collocation Original: create philanthropic initiatives Suggested revision: establish philanthropic initiatives Why it matters: Initiatives are more naturally “established” or “launched” than “created”.
- 11. Remove redundancy Original: contribute positively to society Suggested revision: contribute to society Why it matters: The verb “contribute” already expresses a positive addition in this context.
- 12. Use formal example marker Original: pressing issues like Suggested revision: pressing issues such as Why it matters: “Such as” is the more formal way to introduce the examples.
Suggested Rewrites
- an abundance of riches considerable wealth
- as it enables individuals as having money enables individuals
- the access it grants to the access it provides to
- a myriad of opportunities a wide range of opportunities
- create lasting impacts have a lasting impact
- dealing with invasive media scrutiny facing invasive media scrutiny
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response maintains a clear judgement and develops both sides with relevant, well-chosen examples, while its fluent structure and precise language make the argument easy to follow. The main limitation is that the final advantages paragraph largely adds benefits rather than explicitly weighing them against the identified pressures of wealth. Strengthen the response by comparing the scale and manageability of those drawbacks directly with the lasting personal and social benefits.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The question is fully addressed with a consistent position, relevant development of both sides, and specific illustrations of opportunity, scrutiny, and philanthropy.
Make the outweighing judgement more analytical by explaining why the disadvantages are limited or manageable relative to the benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is purposefully paragraphed, logically sequenced, and cohesively linked, with each stage contributing clearly to the final position.
Use the paragraph after the drawbacks for explicit comparison rather than introducing another largely parallel list of advantages.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and flexible across finance, opportunity, personal pressure, innovation, and philanthropy, with only slight occasional overstatement.
Prefer concise wording where expressions such as an abundance of riches or lasting impacts on society and the world become unnecessarily expansive.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used with excellent control, and any grammatical slips are rare and inconsequential.
Maintain this high accuracy while tightening pronoun reference in clauses where it could refer either to wealth or to possessing wealth.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that money makes life easier and more comfortable. Others think that a large amount of wealth brings more trouble. Do the advantages of having a lot of money outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.