In some countries, it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views?
Sample Response
The age standard for children in entering formal school has inevitably been a controversial issue whether it is more effective to send children to school at four years old or seven or even eight years old. I personally agree to say that children need to be sent to school earlier at four years old in terms of several reasons. The first reason is that children tend to have a golden age period at the age of three or four. This condition is believed as the most effective year for children to start learning as well as understanding their environment. Moreover, this age standard has been successfully implemented by Finland education system which is currently claimed as the best education system in the world. Another considerable reason is that parents can lessen the time for children to play at home in front of the computers which clearly harm them physically and psychologically as well as create a certain disorder. In addition, sending children to school at an early age will not totally erase the children’s time to play because a school provides them with an effective teaching method which focuses on learning and playing. In the other words, children tend to achieve time to learn and play at the same time proportionally. On the other hand, people who believe that sending children to formal school at four years old consider several points of views in terms of the maturity of children psychology and brain which claimed inappropriate time to be forced with a certain lesson at school. In short, parents and schools should create a good collaboration and cooperation each other in order to avoid several drawbacks caused by this affirmative action.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a direct stance verb Original: I personally agree to say Suggested revision: I personally believe Why it matters: “Agree to say” is not a grammatical way to introduce a personal view.
- 2. Use concise age wording Original: sent to school earlier at four years old Suggested revision: sent to school at age four Why it matters: The age already establishes that the start is earlier, so the original phrase is redundant.
- 3. Correct the reason phrase Original: in terms of several reasons Suggested revision: for several reasons Why it matters: “For several reasons” is the natural construction explaining a view.
- 4. Use precise terminology Original: a golden age period Suggested revision: a crucial developmental period Why it matters: The revised phrase states the intended stage more precisely than the vague metaphor.
- 5. Use a clear reference Original: condition Suggested revision: period Why it matters: “Period” refers directly to the developmental stage named in the previous sentence.
- 6. Correct the passive pattern Original: is believed as Suggested revision: is believed to be Why it matters: The passive verb “believed” is followed by an infinitive in this construction.
- 7. Keep the gerunds parallel Original: start learning as well as understanding Suggested revision: start learning about and understanding Why it matters: The coordinated gerunds need a preposition that works with the learning process.
- 8. Use natural emphasis Original: considerable Suggested revision: important Why it matters: “Important reason” is the natural collocation in this context.
- 9. Use a natural structure Original: lessen the time for children to play Suggested revision: reduce the time children spend Why it matters: The revised construction naturally describes reducing time spent on an activity.
- 10. Correct the device phrase Original: in front of the computers Suggested revision: on computers Why it matters: Children spend time “on computers,” and no definite article is needed for a general plural.
- 11. Correct agreement and certainty Original: clearly Suggested revision: can Why it matters: The singular activity requires a singular modal phrase, and “can” avoids an unsupported absolute claim.
- 12. Use the correct verb Original: will not totally erase Suggested revision: will not eliminate Why it matters: Time is “eliminated” rather than “erased” in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- I personally agree to say I personally believe
- sent to school earlier at four years old sent to school at age four
- in terms of several reasons for several reasons
- a golden age period a crucial developmental period
- condition period
- is believed as is believed to be
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response states an early preference for starting school at four and offers several relevant reasons, so its central direction is generally apparent. However, the argument is compressed into one paragraph, some support is questionable or insufficiently explained, and the ending does not clearly reaffirm the stated position; recurring language errors further reduce precision. Organise the ideas into developed body paragraphs and finish with a direct, consistent conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear initial preference and several relevant reasons are presented, but support is uneven and the conclusion does not directly confirm the position.
Develop two reliable reasons in depth and restate the exact extent of agreement in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Sequencing words indicate a basic line of argument, but the single-paragraph format and some inconsistent links weaken overall progression.
Separate the introduction, each main reason, the opposing view, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss education and development, but frequent collocational and word-form errors make expression awkward.
Replace unnatural phrases with precise academic combinations and check singular, plural, and possessive noun forms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted, but recurring errors in clauses, agreement, articles, and sentence boundaries reduce control.
Use shorter complete sentences while checking that every clause has a clear subject and correctly formed verb.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.