In a school that makes use of books children find it more boring while using films, tv videos games they find it more interesting. To what extent do you agree with this?
Sample Response
It is argued that children find it un-interesting if school adds several books for them to read; instead, they entertain more with the addition of TV, video games and to name but a few. I completely agree that multimedia fascinate them more, and this articulation will elucidate the justification of my standpoint in the upcoming paragraphs.
At the outset, multimedia really entertains the school-going children. Children exhibit extraordinary performance when they are taught with the assistance of technology. For instance, documentaries about wildlife can sharpen the children’s memory by making them recall the names of beasts. Besides, video games enhance their problem-solving ability that is conducive to their academic programs. So by using this technology in teaching young minds seems to be a marvelous task.
Furthermore, reading books can only help pupils to attain good scores and can turn them into studious students; however, in reality, they cannot retain the information for a long time. Thus they will have theoretical knowledge in comparison with using audio-visual aids. For instance, watching educational movies can enhance their ability to store information for the long run, and many of Shakespeare’s plays are used to produce movies. Therefore, showing these to learners can help them preserve information and make them aware of foreign languages.
In conclusion, Thus TV films Illustrate remarkable outcomes; if these are used in schools to teach them, as is ever said that a picture is worth a thousand words. So instead of making them rote learners, the introduction of these elements can help them out and provide them first-hand experience.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct word form Original: un-interesting Suggested revision: uninteresting Why it matters: The standard adjective is written without a hyphen.
- 2. Fix article and verb Original: if school adds several books Suggested revision: if a school assigns several books Why it matters: The singular countable noun needs an article, and assigns accurately describes setting books for reading.
- 3. Match subject and verb Original: fascinate Suggested revision: fascinates Why it matters: Multimedia is treated as a singular mass noun in this sentence.
- 4. Use appropriate essay noun Original: articulation Suggested revision: essay Why it matters: Articulation does not naturally refer to the written response itself.
- 5. Use direct academic phrasing Original: will elucidate the justification of my standpoint Suggested revision: will explain the reasons for my view Why it matters: The replacement states the same purpose without inflated or awkward wording.
- 6. Use concise noun Original: school-going children Suggested revision: schoolchildren Why it matters: Schoolchildren is the more concise standard term in this context.
- 7. Use natural performance phrase Original: exhibit extraordinary performance Suggested revision: perform exceptionally well Why it matters: The verb phrase is a more natural collocation for academic performance.
- 8. Use direct collocation Original: assistance Suggested revision: use Why it matters: Use of technology is clearer and more idiomatic in teaching contexts.
- 9. Choose neutral noun Original: beasts Suggested revision: animals Why it matters: Animals is the neutral academic term for the wildlife being discussed.
- 10. Fix reference and collocation Original: ability that is conducive to their academic programs Suggested revision: skills, which benefit their studies Why it matters: The plural noun agrees with problem-solving and the relative clause expresses the benefit clearly.
- 11. Avoid lexical repetition Original: studious students Suggested revision: diligent learners Why it matters: The replacement removes the awkward repetition of the same word family.
- 12. Use correct time phrase Original: for the long run Suggested revision: in the long term Why it matters: In the long term is the appropriate expression for extended retention.
Suggested Rewrites
- un-interesting uninteresting
- if school adds several books if a school assigns several books
- fascinate fascinates
- articulation essay
- will elucidate the justification of my standpoint will explain the reasons for my view
- school-going children schoolchildren
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and organizes two relevant reasons around the advantages of multimedia learning. However, several claims about books and technology are overgeneralized, and awkward word choice and sentence construction frequently weaken precision. The highest priority is to develop each comparison with a convincing explanation or specific educational example, while replacing memorized-sounding phrases with natural vocabulary and checking clause structure, agreement, punctuation, and capitalization.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question with a consistent position and relevant reasons, but parts of the support remain broad or insufficiently convincing.
Explain more precisely why multimedia improves learning and qualify sweeping claims about books with credible evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and overall progression are clear, though some linking is mechanical and a few sentences connect ideas awkwardly.
Use clearer logical transitions within paragraphs and avoid relying on formulaic signposting to carry the argument.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows some range, but frequent unnatural collocations and inflated expressions weaken clarity and control.
Choose direct, natural phrases and verify collocations instead of using expressions such as this articulation will elucidate.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms is attempted, but recurring errors in clause structure, agreement, punctuation, and capitalization limit accuracy.
Focus on constructing complete clauses and checking subject-verb agreement and sentence boundaries during proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In a school that makes use of books children find it more boring while using films, tv videos games they find it more interesting. To what extent do you agree with this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.