Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Reading stories in books is a basic way for children to obtain knowledge and open their minds. Although watching TV and playing computer games are also popular educational methods among children, I believe that reading books is better and offers more advantages than watching TV and playing computer games.
Learning by reading is more effective compared to TV and games because it is an active activity. Like any other skill, reading takes practice. To fully understand the content, children have to give all their attention to the text. Also, more than just understanding a certain topic, children tend to develop imagination, as they imagine the characters from the description they read, which helps them to learn more efficiently and deeply in the future.
Furthermore, reading stories also helps children master language development, as by reading stories, children learn pronunciation and vocabulary. It also increases a child’s attention span, and develops the ability to concentrate. It develops children’s ability to express themselves more confidently, easily, and clearly in spoken and written terms. It develops and fosters a child’s natural curiosity
On the other hand, the knowledge disseminated by vivid pictures on screen is easier for children to imbibe, but too many moving objects and colorful images can distract children, especially some young kids, from other important tasks. Playing computer games also can be very addicting, as a result of which children fail to do their homework. Additionally, spending too much time before a computer screen or watching TV can lead to health problems such as shortsightedness. Therefore, reading is better for both efficiency and health purpose.
In conclusion, it can be reiterated that reading stories in book is better than watching TV and playing on computers, as it is a more effective way to learn and is better for health.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural collocation Original: obtain Suggested revision: gain Why it matters: “Gain knowledge” is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 2. Choose precise wording Original: educational methods among children Suggested revision: educational activities for children Why it matters: Watching television and playing games are activities, and “for” expresses their relationship to children more clearly.
- 3. Remove repeated meaning Original: is better and offers more advantages than Suggested revision: offers more advantages than Why it matters: “Better” and “offers more advantages” express the same comparison, so one is sufficient.
- 4. Complete the comparison Original: more effective compared to TV and games Suggested revision: more effective than watching TV or playing games Why it matters: The comparative form requires “than” and parallel activity phrases.
- 5. Avoid repetition Original: activity Suggested revision: process Why it matters: “Active activity” repeats the same meaning, while “active process” states the idea naturally.
- 6. Improve the collocation Original: give all their attention to the text Suggested revision: focus all their attention on the text Why it matters: The standard collocation is “focus attention on” something.
- 7. Correct the collocation Original: helps children master language development Suggested revision: supports children’s language development Why it matters: Children develop language skills; they do not “master language development.”
- 8. Fix the clause structure Original: as by reading stories, Suggested revision: because Why it matters: “Because” directly introduces the reason and removes the awkward embedded phrase.
- 9. Remove the stray comma Original: , and develops Suggested revision: and develops Why it matters: A comma is not needed between two verb phrases sharing the same subject.
- 10. Use concise phrasing Original: in spoken and written terms Suggested revision: in speech and writing Why it matters: This is a more natural and concise way to name the two forms of expression.
- 11. Remove redundant verbs Original: It develops and fosters Suggested revision: It fosters Why it matters: “Develops” and “fosters” overlap in meaning, so one verb is enough.
- 12. Add sentence punctuation Original: a child’s natural curiosity Suggested revision: a child’s natural curiosity. Why it matters: The sentence needs a full stop before the next paragraph begins.
Suggested Rewrites
- obtain gain
- educational methods among children educational activities for children
- is better and offers more advantages than offers more advantages than
- more effective compared to TV and games more effective than watching TV or playing games
- activity process
- give all their attention to the text focus all their attention on the text
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear opinion and supports it with a coherent range of educational and health-related reasons. Its main weakness is that development sometimes becomes repetitive or list-like, while several awkward collocations and small grammatical errors reduce precision. Focus on extending fewer points with specific explanation, and revise recurring phrases so that the argument sounds more natural and tightly connected.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and supported with relevant reasons, though some claims remain general or repetitive.
Develop one or two central benefits in greater depth with a concrete illustration instead of listing several similar effects.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall progression are clear, but the repeated sentence openings in the third paragraph create a list-like flow.
Combine closely related benefits and use reference words to create smoother progression within paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, with some effective choices alongside recurring collocational inaccuracies.
Correct phrases such as 'master language development', 'health purpose', and 'stories in book' to improve naturalness and precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, although article, word-form, and punctuation errors recur.
Proofread noun phrases for articles and singular-plural agreement, and ensure every sentence is fully punctuated.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.