Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
Reading stories in books is a basic way for children to gainobtain knowledge and open their minds. Although watching TV and playing computer games are also popular educational activities for childreneducational methods among children, I believe that reading books offers more advantages thanis better and offers more advantages than watching TV and playing computer games.
Learning by reading is more effective than watching TV or playing gamesmore effective compared to TV and games because it is an active processactivity. Like any other skill, reading takes practice. To fully understand the content, children have to focus all their attention on the textgive all their attention to the text. Also, more than just understanding a certain topic, children tend to develop imagination, as they imagine the characters from the description they read, which helps them to learn more efficiently and deeply in the future.
Furthermore, reading stories also supports children’s language developmenthelps children master language development, becauseas by reading stories, children learn pronunciation and vocabulary. It also increases a child’s attention spanand develops, and develops the ability to concentrate. It develops children’s ability to express themselves more confidently, easily, and clearly in speech and writingin spoken and written terms. It fostersIt develops and fosters a child’s natural curiosity.a child’s natural curiosity
On the other hand, the knowledge disseminated by vivid pictures on screen is easier for children to imbibe, but too many moving objects and colorful images can distract children, especially some young kids, from other important tasks. Playing computer games can also be very addictivealso can be very addicting, as a result of which children fail to do their homework. Additionally, spending too much time in front of a computer screenbefore a computer screen or watching TV can lead to health problems such as shortsightedness. Therefore, reading is better for both learning efficiency and healthfor both efficiency and health purpose.
In conclusion, it can be reiterated that reading stories in booksbook is better than watching TV and playing computer gamesplaying on computers, as it is a more effective way to learn and is better for health.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear opinion and supports it with a coherent range of educational and health-related reasons. Its main weakness is that development sometimes becomes repetitive or list-like, while several awkward collocations and small grammatical errors reduce precision. Focus on extending fewer points with specific explanation, and revise recurring phrases so that the argument sounds more natural and tightly connected.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and supported with relevant reasons, though some claims remain general or repetitive.
Develop one or two central benefits in greater depth with a concrete illustration instead of listing several similar effects.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall progression are clear, but the repeated sentence openings in the third paragraph create a list-like flow.
Combine closely related benefits and use reference words to create smoother progression within paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, with some effective choices alongside recurring collocational inaccuracies.
Correct phrases such as 'master language development', 'health purpose', and 'stories in book' to improve naturalness and precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, although article, word-form, and punctuation errors recur.
Proofread noun phrases for articles and singular-plural agreement, and ensure every sentence is fully punctuated.