Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?
Sample Response
Most people in the world have a dream to live in an ideal society and lead a happy and meaningful life. However, they do not have the same idea about what the perfect society would look like. I personally think that there are three indicators that can measure the perfection of a society in the modern world: social value, proper infrastructure and employment opportunity. This essay discusses these factors and the ways to achieve that ideal society followed by the examples.
Firstly, social value and social bonding among people is the most important aspect of a perfect society. In a society where people have a strong bonding and obey the social norms tend to lead a better life. Society is formed with many families. If the family members are close and have a better relationship, they would form a better society. A perfect society must have people with human quality and good social behaviours.
Secondly, having good infrastructures and services can be one of the requirements of a perfect society. People need the infrastructures and public services to fulfil their necessity. Take people living in Melbourne as an example. Melbourne is claimed as a most livable city in the world and the people can be classified to live in a perfect society. This country has so many modern infrastructures, for example, modern public health centre, school, bus stop, and others as well as good services in the airport, local government office, etc. This ideal condition can be achieved if the people pay the tax regularly and obey the rules. The tax payment becomes a resource to build good and complete facilities for society. Furthermore, if the society obeys the regulation, they will not have problems with the services of people.
Thirdly, an ideal society needs sufficient job fields to work in. People can fulfil their needs by having a good salary from their work and have a good career in the future. For example, people in Los Angeles spend most their time for working and have a good financial condition. This situation can be created by the society if people can be an entrepreneur. By being an entrepreneur, they can create new work fields for others and reduce the number of unemployed people.
In conclusion, a perfect society has to have good infrastructures and services as well as sufficient job vacancy. Then, this situation can be built by paying tax, obeying the policy, and creating the work-fields by entrepreneurs.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: have a dream to live Suggested revision: dream of living Why it matters: 'Dream of' followed by a gerund is the more natural construction here.
- 2. Use plural noun Original: value Suggested revision: values Why it matters: The general category requires the plural noun 'values'.
- 3. Use plural form Original: opportunity Suggested revision: opportunities Why it matters: The essay refers to employment options as a general category, so the plural is required.
- 4. Clarify the modifier Original: followed by the examples Suggested revision: with examples Why it matters: The original phrase illogically suggests that the society is followed by examples.
- 5. Use correct preposition Original: with Suggested revision: by Why it matters: 'By' correctly introduces the constituents that form society.
- 6. Use plural relationship Original: have a better relationship Suggested revision: have better relationships Why it matters: Multiple family members collectively have multiple relationships.
- 7. Use precise wording Original: people with human quality Suggested revision: people with humane qualities Why it matters: 'Humane qualities' naturally describes positive human characteristics.
- 8. Use uncountable noun Original: infrastructures Suggested revision: infrastructure Why it matters: 'Infrastructure' is normally uncountable when referring to a general system.
- 9. Use singular infrastructure Original: the infrastructures and public services Suggested revision: infrastructure and public services Why it matters: The general uncountable noun 'infrastructure' should not be pluralized or take this definite article.
- 10. Correct the collocation Original: fulfil their necessity Suggested revision: meet their needs Why it matters: People 'meet their needs'; they do not normally 'fulfil their necessity'.
- 11. Improve the ranking phrase Original: claimed as a most livable city Suggested revision: regarded as one of the most livable cities Why it matters: The revised phrase correctly expresses membership in a highly ranked group.
- 12. Use suitable verb Original: classified Suggested revision: considered Why it matters: 'Classified' is not natural for judging the quality of residents' social conditions.
Suggested Rewrites
- have a dream to live dream of living
- value values
- opportunity opportunities
- followed by the examples with examples
- with by
- have a better relationship have better relationships
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response has a clear paragraph sequence and presents several relevant social conditions, with practical suggestions such as taxation and entrepreneurship. Its main limitation is that it does not consistently prioritize one most important element, and several examples are asserted rather than convincingly explained. The highest-priority improvement is to select and defend one central element, then link each proposed action directly to achieving it while improving grammatical accuracy and collocation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed with relevant elements and actions, but the response dilutes its answer to the most important element and develops some examples unconvincingly.
Choose one clearly prioritized element and show in detail how each proposed action would help create that specific feature of an ideal society.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically divided and easy to follow, although progression is mechanical and the conclusion does not fully reflect the stated priority on social values.
Use more meaningful links between causes, actions, and outcomes, and ensure the conclusion restates the central position consistently.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range for society, infrastructure, employment, and public services, but recurring collocational inaccuracies reduce precision.
Replace unnatural phrases such as job fields, fulfil their necessity, and sufficient job vacancy with standard academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, plurals, and clause formation reduce control.
Edit each sentence for a complete grammatical subject-verb structure, then check countable nouns, determiners, and agreement systematically.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.