Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?
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Sample Response
Most people in the world dream of livinghave a dream to live in an ideal society and lead a happy and meaningful life. However, they do not have the same idea about what the perfect society would look like. I personally think that there are three indicators that can measure the perfection of a society in the modern world: social valuesvalue, proper infrastructure and employment opportunitiesopportunity. This essay discusses these factors and the ways to achieve that ideal society with examplesfollowed by the examples.
Firstly, social value and social bonding among people is the most important aspect of a perfect society. In a society where people have a strong bonding and obey the social norms tend to lead a better life. Society is formed bywith many families. If the family members are close and have better relationshipshave a better relationship, they would form a better society. A perfect society must have people with humane qualitiespeople with human quality and good social behaviours.
Secondly, having good infrastructureinfrastructures and services can be one of the requirements of a perfect society. People need infrastructure and public servicesthe infrastructures and public services to meet their needsfulfil their necessity. Take people living in Melbourne as an example. Melbourne is regarded as one of the most livable citiesclaimed as a most livable city in the world and the people can be consideredclassified to live in a perfect society. This country has so many modern infrastructures, for example, modern public health centre, school, bus stop, and others as well as good services in the airport, local government office, etc. This ideal condition can be achieved if people pay taxes regularlythe people pay the tax regularly and obey the rules. Tax revenue provides resourcesThe tax payment becomes a resource to build good and complete facilities for society. Furthermore, if the society obeys the regulation, they will not have problems with the services of people.
Thirdly, an ideal society needs sufficient employment opportunitiessufficient job fields to work in. People can fulfil their needs by having a good salary from their work and have a good career in the future. For example, people in Los Angeles spend most of their time workingspend most their time for working and have a good financial condition. This situation can be created by the society if people become entrepreneursif people can be an entrepreneur. By being an entrepreneur, they can create new work fields for others and reduce the number of unemployed people.
In conclusion, a perfect society has to have good infrastructures and services as well as sufficient job vacancy. Then, this situation can be built by paying tax, obeying the policy, and creating the work-fields by entrepreneurs.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response has a clear paragraph sequence and presents several relevant social conditions, with practical suggestions such as taxation and entrepreneurship. Its main limitation is that it does not consistently prioritize one most important element, and several examples are asserted rather than convincingly explained. The highest-priority improvement is to select and defend one central element, then link each proposed action directly to achieving it while improving grammatical accuracy and collocation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed with relevant elements and actions, but the response dilutes its answer to the most important element and develops some examples unconvincingly.
Choose one clearly prioritized element and show in detail how each proposed action would help create that specific feature of an ideal society.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically divided and easy to follow, although progression is mechanical and the conclusion does not fully reflect the stated priority on social values.
Use more meaningful links between causes, actions, and outcomes, and ensure the conclusion restates the central position consistently.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range for society, infrastructure, employment, and public services, but recurring collocational inaccuracies reduce precision.
Replace unnatural phrases such as job fields, fulfil their necessity, and sufficient job vacancy with standard academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, plurals, and clause formation reduce control.
Edit each sentence for a complete grammatical subject-verb structure, then check countable nouns, determiners, and agreement systematically.