Some think increasing business and cultural contact between nations is positive. Others think it leads to the disappearance of the national identity. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.
Sample Response
Many feel that the effects of globalization on economics and culture are a beneficial. In my opinion, although there is an argument for the financial implications, the risks to the uniqueness of a national identity make it a negative overall.
Supporters of such close contact point out the meaningful economic ramifications. This is particularly important for more isolated and undeveloped nations. There are countries where natural resources are extremely lacking or unbalanced and this has slowed their progress historically. For instance, many countries in the Middle East lack the arable land to support large population growth. The discovery of vast reserves of oil in the 20th century allowed them to exploit trade agreements to improve their economic outlook and basic infrastructure. This same fact applies to varying degrees to nearly all nations as trade enriches and a country without necessarily creating any negative byproducts.
Nonetheless, the danger for culture is more lasting and therefore more significant. The national identity of a country is not simply made up of the dominant ethnic group. Every country has minorities and ethnic populations that are most at risk through this process. For instance, in many parts of Asia and Africa there are numerous indigenous groups that struggle to flourish in a modern, global economy. For instance, the Hmong in Vietnam are famed for their craftsmanship and attention to detail in hand-weaving and dyeing sustainable clothing yet many of them must now abandon their traditional roots to live in cities and work anonymous jobs for large corporations. Once such cultures are lost, they will never return and the economic benefits will be little comfort at that point.
In conclusion, despite the economic advantages of globalization, the possibility of a country losing its individual cultural character is too great a risk. Countries must therefore take steps to safeguard their culture.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove incorrect article Original: a beneficial Suggested revision: beneficial Why it matters: The adjective does not take an indefinite article after the linking verb.
- 2. Clarify the benefit Original: argument for the financial implications Suggested revision: case for the financial benefits Why it matters: This collocation states the positive economic case more precisely.
- 3. Name the subject Original: make it a negative overall Suggested revision: make globalization negative overall Why it matters: Naming globalization removes the vague pronoun and makes the judgement clearer.
- 4. Use precise collocation Original: meaningful economic ramifications Suggested revision: significant economic benefits Why it matters: Benefits matches the positive consequences being presented more precisely than ramifications.
- 5. Use neutral term Original: undeveloped nations Suggested revision: less-developed nations Why it matters: Less-developed is a more precise and neutral description in this context.
- 6. Correct resource collocation Original: lacking Suggested revision: scarce Why it matters: Natural resources are described as scarce rather than as lacking.
- 7. Clarify distribution Original: unbalanced Suggested revision: unevenly distributed Why it matters: This phrase clearly expresses that resources are not distributed evenly.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: large Suggested revision: rapid Why it matters: Population growth is normally described by its speed rather than its size.
- 9. Improve collocation Original: danger for culture Suggested revision: threat to culture Why it matters: Threat to is the natural collocation for something that may damage culture.
- 10. Choose precise noun Original: populations Suggested revision: communities Why it matters: Communities more naturally refers to distinct cultural groups within a country.
- 11. Add required preposition Original: work anonymous jobs Suggested revision: work in anonymous jobs Why it matters: The verb needs in before the type of job being performed.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: This same fact applies to varying degrees to nearly all nations as trade enriches and a country without necessarily creating any negative byproducts. Suggested revision: The same principle applies to nearly all nations to varying degrees, as trade can enrich a country without necessarily creating negative by-products. Why it matters: The original sentence has a broken verb structure after enriches and obscures the intended claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- a beneficial beneficial
- argument for the financial implications case for the financial benefits
- make it a negative overall make globalization negative overall
- meaningful economic ramifications significant economic benefits
- undeveloped nations less-developed nations
- lacking scarce
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear position and develops both sides with relevant examples, especially the detailed explanation of cultural loss. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision in reasoning and expression, most noticeably in the final claim of the economic paragraph, which weakens an otherwise persuasive discussion. Prioritize tightening that paragraph's logic and editing awkward sentence structures so each supporting point is expressed accurately and fluently.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly addressed, the position remains clear, and the ideas are developed with relevant, specific examples.
Strengthen the positive-side argument by explaining the causal link between international contact and national economic gains more precisely.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Improve local cohesion by removing the repeated example marker and clarifying vague references such as the final claim in the economic paragraph.
Lexical Resource
A wide vocabulary supports nuanced discussion, although several collocations and word choices are awkward or imprecise.
Use more natural combinations when describing resources, trade, employment, and the overall effects of globalization.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used confidently and most sentences are accurate, but a few conspicuous construction errors reduce control.
Proofread for article errors and malformed clause coordination, especially in the introduction and the final sentence of the first body paragraph.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some think increasing business and cultural contact between nations is positive. Others think it leads to the disappearance of the national identity. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.