The camera has changed the way we look at the world and the way that we celebrate special occasions. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Sample Response
The invention of the camera was one of the greatest findings of all time. For the last two decades, photos and videos have become an integral part of the human culture. Needless to say, the camera has changed the way of celebration and the perception of a normal person. Nowadays there is rarely any occasion which is not being captured by a camera or video recorder. Also, the ways important events are being telecasted have changed a lot.
Firstly, the camera has opened up avenues for keeping our memorable events intact throughout our life span. These still images and videos captured by the camera can later be used to cherish those moments of happiness. Take the first rice ceremony of a newly born child, for instance. When this child grows up, he can feel his parent's exact feeling, through the video captured at the time of the event. Thus, it is quite evident that the camera has changed the way of celebration of our memorable occasions.
Moreover, the camera has also changed the way we look at the world. For example, in the non-camera era, it was impossible for any individual to view the live telecast of the very important "rail budget" being organised at the parliament. The introduction of the camera has made this possible. Now sitting at any corner of the world, a person can watch the live streaming of any important event being organised somewhere else. Looking at this illustration, it can be easily seen how
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use invention term Original: findings Suggested revision: inventions Why it matters: “Findings” refers to discoveries or research results, whereas the camera was an invention.
- 2. Remove unnecessary article Original: the human culture Suggested revision: human culture Why it matters: Use the uncountable noun without “the” when referring to human culture in general.
- 3. Use direct transition Original: Needless to say Suggested revision: Clearly Why it matters: The stock phrase adds no logical connection; a concise adverb introduces the claim directly.
- 4. Use natural celebration phrase Original: changed the way of celebration and Suggested revision: changed the way people celebrate and Why it matters: Use a clause after “the way” to express how people perform an action.
- 5. Clarify perception claim Original: the perception of a normal person Suggested revision: the way an ordinary person sees the world Why it matters: The replacement states the intended meaning in natural English.
- 6. Add introductory comma Original: Nowadays there Suggested revision: Nowadays, there Why it matters: Separate the introductory sentence adverb from the main clause with a comma.
- 7. Use simple passive Original: is not being captured Suggested revision: is not captured Why it matters: Use the simple present passive for a habitual or general situation.
- 8. Fix number and verb form Original: the ways important events are being telecasted Suggested revision: the way important events are broadcast Why it matters: Use singular “the way” and the standard past participle “broadcast.”
- 9. Use formal degree adverb Original: changed a lot Suggested revision: changed considerably Why it matters: “Considerably” expresses the degree of change more formally and precisely.
- 10. Clarify what is preserved Original: opened up avenues for keeping our memorable events intact Suggested revision: enabled us to preserve records of memorable events Why it matters: The revision is concise and accurately identifies photographs and videos as records of events.
- 11. Use plural noun Original: our life span Suggested revision: our lifetimes Why it matters: The plural possessive “our” naturally refers to the separate lifetimes of multiple people.
- 12. Use accurate memory verb Original: cherish Suggested revision: relive Why it matters: “Relive” accurately describes experiencing a past event again through a recording.
Suggested Rewrites
- findings inventions
- the human culture human culture
- Needless to say Clearly
- changed the way of celebration and changed the way people celebrate and
- the perception of a normal person the way an ordinary person sees the world
- Nowadays there Nowadays, there
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly agrees with the statement and addresses both celebration and worldwide perception through relevant examples of preserving family memories and viewing distant events. Its central limitation is that it stops mid-sentence, leaving the second idea unfinished and providing no conclusion, while also falling just below the required length; the highest-priority improvement is to complete the argument and add a concise synthesis of both effects.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position and two relevant dimensions of the task are present, but the second main idea is incomplete and the response lacks a conclusion, with a slight length shortfall.
Finish explaining how live images shape global understanding, then add a conclusion that directly links cameras to both perception and celebration.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and two body paragraphs follow a logical plan, but progression breaks off abruptly before the second paragraph is completed or the essay is concluded.
Complete the final body paragraph and use a short concluding paragraph to close the argument rather than ending inside a sentence.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is reasonably varied and generally clear, though collocations such as "greatest findings," "human culture," and "changed the way of celebration" are awkward.
Use natural alternatives such as "greatest inventions," "modern culture," and "changed how people celebrate special occasions."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a mix of sentence structures with generally clear meaning, but article, possessive, and passive-form errors recur, and the final sentence is incomplete.
Correct forms such as "their parents' feelings" and "events held in parliament," and ensure every sentence is grammatically complete.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The camera has changed the way we look at the world and the way that we celebrate special occasions. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.