More people are getting money and buying their own cars, do the benefits to the individual outweigh the disadvantages on the environment?
Sample Response
The paradigm shift has made it mandatory for everyone to have an automobile. Due to car culture, although people are getting immense benefits, they are damaging the environment and making the places congested. The benefits of having a car for everyone are not greater than damaging the atmosphere.
At the outset, in order to maintain the status quo or showcasing their wealth, people are buying a luxurious car by spending an enormous amount of money. Though this leading trend has benefited to individuals as their life has become comfortable due to moving pillar to post hassle-free; however, they are deteriorating their environment by overusing of their vehicles that emit toxic gases, and when these obnoxious gases release into the air, the air gets polluted. Thus it becomes a hard nut to crack to live in a polluted environment as people get infected from various diseases such as asthma, liver cancer, skin allergy, and to name but a few. Resultantly, it has deleterious effects on people’s health.
Moreover, to make the roads widen, many trees have been cut, and the places are getting congested, that is another reason of making the environment polluted. For instance, trees are a good source of inhaling carbon dioxide and releasing oxygen; however, the absence of trees on the footpaths or alongside roads makes the situation worse. People find it difficult to survive in metropolitan cities, where there is a lot of pollution is great traffic congestion. Besides, now there is no balance in seasons. Summer days are long as opposed to that of the winter season. This has happened due to a polluted environment. So much damage to the environment is due to the proliferation of several vehicles.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name places precisely Original: making the places congested Suggested revision: making urban areas congested Why it matters: 'The places' is vague and unnatural when referring to locations affected by traffic.
- 2. Fix comparison structure Original: are not greater than damaging the atmosphere Suggested revision: do not outweigh the damage to the environment Why it matters: The revised verb structure correctly compares benefits with environmental damage.
- 3. Keep verbs parallel Original: showcasing Suggested revision: showcase Why it matters: The coordinated verb must match the infinitive form 'maintain'.
- 4. Match plural subject Original: people are buying a luxurious car Suggested revision: people are buying luxury cars Why it matters: The plural subject refers generally to multiple buyers and vehicles.
- 5. Remove wrong preposition Original: benefited to individuals Suggested revision: benefited individuals Why it matters: 'Benefit' is transitive here and does not take 'to'.
- 6. Replace misused idiom Original: moving pillar to post hassle-free Suggested revision: travelling from place to place without difficulty Why it matters: 'From pillar to post' implies being forced through an exhausting sequence and conflicts with the intended convenience.
- 7. Use transitive verb Original: deteriorating their environment Suggested revision: damaging the environment Why it matters: People damage an environment; 'deteriorate' is usually intransitive in this sense.
- 8. Remove unnecessary of Original: overusing of their vehicles Suggested revision: overusing their vehicles Why it matters: The gerund 'overusing' takes its object directly.
- 9. Use passive voice Original: these obnoxious gases release into the air Suggested revision: these harmful gases are released into the air Why it matters: The gases receive the action, so the passive construction is required.
- 10. Replace faulty idiom Original: a hard nut to crack to live Suggested revision: difficult to live Why it matters: The idiom 'a hard nut to crack' describes a difficult problem or person and does not fit living conditions.
- 11. Correct disease phrase Original: get infected from various diseases Suggested revision: develop various diseases Why it matters: People develop or suffer from diseases rather than become infected from them generally.
- 12. Fix list ending Original: skin allergy, and to name but a few Suggested revision: skin allergies, to name but a few Why it matters: The example needs a plural noun and no coordinating 'and' before the closing phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- making the places congested making urban areas congested
- are not greater than damaging the atmosphere do not outweigh the damage to the environment
- showcasing showcase
- people are buying a luxurious car people are buying luxury cars
- benefited to individuals benefited individuals
- moving pillar to post hassle-free travelling from place to place without difficulty
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear position and develops several relevant environmental disadvantages, with an identifiable progression from emissions to road expansion and congestion. However, the individual benefits are treated too briefly for a convincing comparison, and frequent awkward phrasing and grammatical errors weaken clarity; the highest-priority improvement is to develop the benefits more fully and compare them directly with the environmental costs in cleaner, more controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response gives a clear answer and develops relevant environmental harms, but the individual benefits and the required comparison are only briefly addressed.
Develop at least one substantial individual benefit and explicitly weigh its importance against the environmental disadvantages before confirming the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is organised into a position and two related body paragraphs, though progression is weakened by overlong sentences and occasionally mechanical linking.
Use shorter topic-led paragraphs and connect each supporting point directly to the benefits-versus-disadvantages comparison.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range for the topic, but idioms and formal vocabulary are often forced or used in inaccurate collocations.
Choose straightforward, precise expressions and check common collocations instead of relying on decorative idioms such as hard nut to crack.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences, but frequent errors in verb forms, clause construction, agreement, and prepositions sometimes strain clarity.
Build shorter complex sentences with one clear main clause, then proofread verb patterns, agreement, and dependent-clause boundaries.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More people are getting money and buying their own cars, do the benefits to the individual outweigh the disadvantages on the environment?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.