Some people choose a career according to the social status and salary it will give them. Others choose a career according to whether they will enjoy the work. Which do you think is the best way to choose a career?
Sample Response
In our life choosing a career is an important factor to consider. If I had to choose between high salary and high level of enjoyment, I think I would choose the high salary. If I will choose a career for enjoyment basis only, I might not earn enough money. High paid jobs are beneficial socially and economically, as now will be discussed.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add missing article Original: between high salary Suggested revision: between a high salary Why it matters: The singular countable noun phrase needs an article.
- 2. Fix conditional tense Original: If I will choose Suggested revision: If I choose Why it matters: The if-clause in this real conditional should use the present simple.
- 3. Correct noun phrase Original: for enjoyment basis only Suggested revision: solely on the basis of enjoyment Why it matters: The original phrase uses an incorrect preposition and noun structure.
- 4. Natural opening phrase Original: In our life Suggested revision: In life Why it matters: The shorter phrase is the natural general expression in this context.
- 5. Use precise noun Original: an important factor to consider Suggested revision: an important decision Why it matters: A career choice is more precisely described as a decision than a factor.
- 6. Clarify work enjoyment Original: high level of enjoyment Suggested revision: a high level of job satisfaction Why it matters: Job satisfaction expresses enjoyment of work more precisely.
- 7. Separate paragraph functions Suggested revision: Separate the opening position from the supporting discussion so each stage has a clear function. Why it matters: A clear structural break would make the progression easier to follow.
- 8. Order supporting points Suggested revision: Present the economic benefit before the social benefit and connect the two points explicitly. Why it matters: A deliberate sequence would give the discussion a clearer line of progression.
Suggested Rewrites
- between high salary between a high salary
- If I will choose If I choose
- for enjoyment basis only solely on the basis of enjoyment
- In our life In life
- an important factor to consider an important decision
- high level of enjoyment a high level of job satisfaction
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response states a clear preference for salary and gives one relevant reason, so its central position is easy to identify. However, at only 62 words it stops before the promised discussion, leaving the argument almost entirely undeveloped and offering too little organisation or language range to meet the task. The highest priority is to build a full essay with explained body-paragraph reasons and examples, then proofread conditional forms and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A relevant position is stated, but the response ends after a brief introduction and does not develop its reason or support it with examples.
Write complete body paragraphs that explain why salary is the better basis for choosing a career and illustrate each reason with a specific example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four sentences follow a recognisable sequence, but the response has no developed paragraph structure and ends with an unfulfilled forward reference.
Organise the essay into an introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, ensuring every announced point is subsequently developed.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary conveys the basic preference clearly, but its range is narrow and combinations such as enjoyment basis and high paid jobs are not fully accurate.
Use natural collocations such as choose a career based on enjoyment and high-paying jobs while expanding the topic-specific vocabulary used in the argument.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and conditional sentence forms communicate the main idea, although errors in conditional tense and sentence punctuation are noticeable in this very short response.
Use the second conditional accurately, for example if I chose, I might, and check introductory phrases and clauses for appropriate comma placement.