Some people think that work is the most important thing of people’s life. Without the success of career, life become meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
While it is argued that a distinguished career is regarded as the most pivotal thing in a person’s life, I firmly believe that there are other factors which can make people’s lives meaningful.
On the one hand, it cannot be denied that working plays a vital role in one’s life. According to an annual survey carried out in the UK, a person spends about 25 or 30 years on their occupation, hence working time accounts for nearly one-third of a person’s life. So if people obtain a worthwhile job that blooms, their lifetime is likely to be filled with human well-being. Additionally, the state of being stuck in an unsuccessful career might have a destructive influence on people’s spirits. Those with turbulent career or experience of job dissatisfaction could suffer from chronic stress and discouragement, which affects their mental and physical health adversely, as well as making them have a negative outlook on their lives.
On the other hand, I contend that there are more desirable goals rather than a successful career to attain in our life. A vast majority of people perceive a meaningful life as helping others living in poor and underprivileged conditions. They spend most of their lifetime devoting to charity work. Furthermore, there are other people who do not enter the workforce but seem satisfied with their lives. In some Asian countries such as Japan, dual-income families are not as common as that in Western nations. Take Japan as a telling example; men are often the breadwinners while women stay at home, take over the responsibilities related to household chores and childcare, which make them feel content as a well-established tradition.
In conclusion, while undoubtedly people can benefit enormously from a glittering career, there are still a lot of significant factors which might enable them to lead a happy life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: the most pivotal thing Suggested revision: the most important aspect Why it matters: ‘Aspect’ is a more natural noun for describing the role of a career in life.
- 2. Use noun form Original: working Suggested revision: work Why it matters: The uncountable noun ‘work’ is needed when referring to employment in general.
- 3. Express the range Original: or Suggested revision: to Why it matters: Use ‘to’ to present these figures as a continuous range.
- 4. Correct time collocation Original: on their occupation Suggested revision: at work Why it matters: People spend time ‘at work’, whereas ‘on their occupation’ is not a natural collocation here.
- 5. Fix the sentence boundary Original: , hence working time Suggested revision: ; hence, working time Why it matters: A semicolon is needed before the conjunctive adverb joining two independent clauses.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: job that blooms Suggested revision: career that flourishes Why it matters: A career can ‘flourish’, while a job does not naturally ‘bloom’ in this context.
- 7. Use natural reference Original: lifetime Suggested revision: life Why it matters: ‘Life’ refers more naturally to a person’s lived experience than ‘lifetime’ here.
- 8. Clarify the meaning Original: filled with human well-being Suggested revision: personally fulfilling Why it matters: The original phrase is an unnatural way to describe satisfaction derived from a career.
- 9. Reduce wordiness Original: state Suggested revision: experience Why it matters: This wording describes the situation more directly and naturally.
- 10. Improve the collocation Original: destructive influence Suggested revision: damaging effect Why it matters: ‘Damaging effect’ is the more natural collocation for a negative consequence.
- 11. Choose a precise noun Original: spirits Suggested revision: morale Why it matters: ‘Morale’ more precisely describes confidence and emotional well-being in relation to work.
- 12. Match plural reference Original: turbulent career Suggested revision: unstable careers Why it matters: The plural noun agrees with ‘those’ and ‘unstable’ is the natural adjective for careers.
Suggested Rewrites
- the most pivotal thing the most important aspect
- working work
- or to
- on their occupation at work
- , hence working time ; hence, working time
- job that blooms career that flourishes
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear position, organises contrasting ideas logically, and supports them with relevant explanations and examples. Its main limitation is the recurring use of awkward or inaccurate collocations and several grammatical slips, although meaning remains clear. The highest-priority improvement is to express the supporting ideas in more natural, precise language while checking agreement and clause structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly addresses the extent question with a clear position and develops relevant reasons on both the value of work and alternative sources of meaning.
Develop the alternative goals with more specific, carefully reasoned evidence and avoid broad cultural generalisations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion, with generally effective linking.
Make transitions within paragraphs less formulaic and clarify a few long sentence relationships so each supporting point follows more smoothly.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, but recurring unnatural combinations such as descriptions of careers and well-being reduce precision.
Prioritise natural collocations and simpler precise wording, especially when describing career success, dissatisfaction, and personal fulfilment.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures successfully, though agreement, article, complementation, and relative-clause errors recur without seriously obscuring meaning.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement, article use, and verb patterns such as those following helping and devoting.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that work is the most important thing of people’s life. Without the success of career, life become meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.