There has been a huge increase in the size of cities. Many cities have grown in a haphazard way. Why is careful planning important in the development of cities?
Sample Response
In this modern world, the rapid increase in the number of population and vehicles is a serious challenge for the governments across the world. To accommodate the maximum number of people and vehicles in a city they have to enhance the size of it. In this essay writer would like to discuss why careful planning is crucial when building a city.
To embark upon, first and foremost problem behind a broader city is that it causes deforestation. To make it clear, as they need more timber to build beautiful buildings and to make bigger cities they need more space so they grab the space of wild animals, so scientific planning is necessary. More importantly, this devastation of trees can cause air pollution so they should not imbalance natural habitat to build a huge city. Apart from this, they should have a proper waste management system most of the cities are facing this catastrophic problem such as recycling units and disposal units in the city.
Furthermore, the government needs to plan well when building a city. As we know there are many sophisticated cities that struggle with the inefficient drainage system, such as Bombay, Tokyo and the like. Moreover, narrow roads can cause traffic congestion and it is impossible for them to reconstruct a city after building it. In addition to this, modern cities should be well connected with other major cities through seaways as well as road and airways. The cities have many visitors not only as visitors but also for trading and for dwelling so modern cities should be big enough to accommodate more people. Moreover, these should have ultra modern facilities such as schools, colleges and hospitals.
To conclude, in this era most of the countries development are mainly concentrated in their cities so it is quite necessary to have a developed city but, these developments should be scientific.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant phrase Original: number of population Suggested revision: population Why it matters: Population already denotes the number of people, so number of is unnecessary.
- 2. Add a comma Original: a city they have Suggested revision: a city, they have Why it matters: A comma is needed after the introductory purpose clause.
- 3. Use natural verb Original: enhance the size of it Suggested revision: expand it Why it matters: Expand is the natural verb for increasing the physical size of a city.
- 4. Add article and comma Original: In this essay writer Suggested revision: In this essay, the writer Why it matters: The introductory phrase needs a comma and writer requires the definite article.
- 5. Complete the transition Original: To embark upon Suggested revision: To begin with Why it matters: Embark upon requires an object, whereas this transition is complete and natural.
- 6. Add definite article Original: first and foremost problem Suggested revision: the first and foremost problem Why it matters: The superlative expression requires the definite article.
- 7. Describe city growth Original: a broader city Suggested revision: an expanding city Why it matters: Broader is not the natural adjective for a city increasing in physical size.
- 8. Use precise wording Original: devastation Suggested revision: loss Why it matters: Loss of trees expresses the environmental change more naturally and precisely.
- 9. Fix the collocation Original: imbalance natural habitat Suggested revision: disrupt natural habitats Why it matters: Disrupt is the correct verb for damaging the balance of habitats.
- 10. Generalize the noun Original: the inefficient drainage system Suggested revision: inefficient drainage systems Why it matters: The plural is needed because the sentence refers generally to systems in many cities.
- 11. Remove vague wording Original: Bombay, Tokyo and the like Suggested revision: Bombay and Tokyo Why it matters: And the like is vague and unnecessary after two stated examples.
- 12. Clarify the pronoun Original: it is impossible for them Suggested revision: it can be impossible for authorities Why it matters: Authorities provides a clear referent and can avoids an unsupported absolute claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- number of population population
- a city they have a city, they have
- enhance the size of it expand it
- In this essay writer In this essay, the writer
- To embark upon To begin with
- first and foremost problem the first and foremost problem
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its broad coverage of practical planning concerns, including transport, drainage, waste, facilities, and environmental protection. Its main limitation is that many points are listed or linked through long sentences without enough precise explanation, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors weaken clarity. The highest-priority improvement is to develop fewer reasons in clearly controlled paragraphs, showing exactly how advance planning prevents each urban problem.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses the importance of planning through several relevant urban and environmental concerns, although development is often brief.
Select fewer planning issues and explain the cause-and-effect relationship for each one with a specific urban example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing and an overall logical direction are present, but mechanical transitions, unclear references, and long run-on sentences disrupt flow.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and connect its supporting sentences without stacking multiple points into one sentence.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of urban-planning vocabulary, but frequent word-choice and collocational errors limit precision.
Use natural combinations such as "population growth," "expand a city," and "disrupt the natural habitat" instead of literal or imprecise phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied complex structures, but frequent errors with articles, agreement, possessives, punctuation, and clause boundaries persist.
Break run-on sentences into controlled clauses and check articles and subject-verb agreement during proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There has been a huge increase in the size of cities. Many cities have grown in a haphazard way. Why is careful planning important in the development of cities?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.