Even though environmental issues are important, and affect people in many parts of the world, most people do not care enough about environmental issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The environment is confronting profound challenges that transcend geographical boundaries, and despite the undeniable importance of environmental issues and their pervasive impact on diverse regions worldwide, a prevailing apathy towards these concerns persists. This essay unequivocally concurs with the notion that most people do not exhibit adequate concern or commitment towards environmental matters.
To begin with, in a world driven by immediate desires and concerns, the long-term consequences of environmental degradation often take a backseat. For instance, consider the insatiable appetite for disposable plastic products, which satisfy momentary convenience but contribute significantly to plastic pollution, adversely affecting ecosystems. The dearth of effective regulation and alternative solutions amplifies this issue, reflecting a prevailing indifference towards the environment.
Moreover, the disconnections between people and nature fostered by urbanization and modern lifestyles make them apathetic towards environmental degradation. As populations gravitate towards urban centres, the daily experience of nature diminishes, leading to a reduced appreciation for the intricate balance that sustains life on Earth. The consequence of this disconnection is a lack of empathy and understanding regarding the consequences of environmental degradation. For instance, individuals dwelling in cities may remain unmoved by deforestation in remote rainforests, failing to recognize its far-reaching ecological implications and taking meaningful actions to prevent or revert them.
In conclusion, the prevalent indifference towards environmental issues is a disheartening reality, driven by shortsightedness and disconnection from nature. Despite the undeniable global impact of environmental concerns, most people, all around the world, remain apathetic. It is imperative that concerted efforts, such as education and policy initiatives, are undertaken to rekindle a sense of responsibility and commitment towards the environment.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct academic phrasing Original: concurs with the notion Suggested revision: supports the view Why it matters: This wording states the essay's position more directly and naturally.
- 2. Fix collocations Original: concern or commitment towards Suggested revision: concern for or commitment to Why it matters: 'Concern for' and 'commitment to' require different prepositions.
- 3. Use formal wording Original: take a backseat Suggested revision: are often deprioritized Why it matters: This replacement conveys the idea more concisely in an academic register.
- 4. Fix word combination Original: satisfy Suggested revision: offer Why it matters: Products can offer convenience, whereas they do not naturally 'satisfy convenience'.
- 5. Clarify paired shortage Original: The dearth of effective regulation and alternative solutions Suggested revision: The lack of effective regulation or practical alternatives Why it matters: This wording makes the two missing responses to the problem easier to distinguish.
- 6. Use singular noun Original: disconnections Suggested revision: disconnection Why it matters: The relationship between people and nature is described here as one general disconnection.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: the daily experience of nature Suggested revision: daily contact with nature Why it matters: 'Contact with nature' is the natural expression for direct everyday exposure.
- 8. Restore logical parallelism Original: and taking meaningful actions to prevent or revert them Suggested revision: and failing to take meaningful action to prevent or reverse it Why it matters: The original coordination wrongly suggests that these individuals do take action and uses 'revert' transitively.
- 9. Remove needless interruption Original: most people, all around the world, Suggested revision: most people around the world Why it matters: The commas unnecessarily separate the geographical phrase from the noun it modifies.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: The environment is confronting profound challenges that transcend geographical boundaries, and despite the undeniable importance of environmental issues and their pervasive impact on diverse regions worldwide, a prevailing apathy towards these concerns persists. Suggested revision: Environmental challenges transcend geographical boundaries. Despite their undeniable importance and pervasive global impact, widespread apathy towards them persists. Why it matters: Splitting the overloaded opening improves readability and removes the awkward claim that the environment confronts challenges.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: The consequence of this disconnection is a lack of empathy and understanding regarding the consequences of environmental degradation. Suggested revision: This disconnection reduces empathy and understanding of environmental degradation. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the distracting repetition of 'consequence' and states the relationship concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- concurs with the notion supports the view
- concern or commitment towards concern for or commitment to
- take a backseat are often deprioritized
- satisfy offer
- The dearth of effective regulation and alternative solutions The lack of effective regulation or practical alternatives
- disconnections disconnection
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents an unequivocal position and develops two relevant explanations through well-controlled paragraphs and sophisticated language. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision: some claims are sweeping, and the final example accidentally suggests that disengaged people take meaningful action. The priority is to preserve the strong argument while refining causal claims and checking that every complex sentence expresses the intended logical relationship.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and supported by two relevant, extended reasons, though some generalizations could be more carefully qualified.
Add more specific evidence or qualification to demonstrate that the proposed causes genuinely apply to most people.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses smoothly from position to two causes and a focused conclusion, with cohesive devices used effectively.
Reduce local repetition of terms such as disconnection and consequences by using tighter referencing across adjacent sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide and often precise, but a few choices such as disconnections and revert them are unnatural or inaccurate.
Prefer idiomatic collocations such as disconnection from nature and reverse the damage while retaining the current lexical range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used flexibly and accurately throughout, with only isolated wording or coordination problems.
Proofread participial structures so coordinated actions, especially failing to recognize and taking action, convey the intended relationship.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Even though environmental issues are important, and affect people in many parts of the world, most people do not care enough about environmental issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.