Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?
Sample Response
Nowadays the number of overweight people is constantly increasing. This essay will discuss the main reasons of this epidemic and then describe the possible effects of the problem.
In my opinion, the foremost causes of obesity are inactive lifestyle and unhealthy eating habits. Today more and more people rely on cars instead of walking, have less physical demands at work and prefer inactive leisure activities. This results in burning less calories and gaining weight. Moreover, the problem is accentuated by the growing number of people, who eat irregularly and consume large portions of high-calorie food. For example, about 50% of the adult population in Europe with so-called disordered eating suffer from obesity.
The possible effects of this problem include physical health problems and loss of productivity. First of all, obesity results in incorrect functioning of the human body and contributes to the risk of developing some chronic illnesses. For example, as body fat percentage increases, the person’s metabolism worsens, which in turn may result in diabetes or heart diseases. Secondly, overweight people are very unhealthy and often suffer from stress and tiredness. This lessens their work capacity and results in lower productivity. For example, it has been proven that an obese person needs to put more effort to complete some task than a person with normal weight.
To sum up, obesity is a big problem that affects a lot of people nowadays. It’s mainly caused by inactive lifestyle and eating disorders and results in severe health problems and loss of productivity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the preposition Original: reasons Suggested revision: causes Why it matters: “Causes of” is the correct construction for factors producing an epidemic.
- 2. Add the article Original: are inactive lifestyle and unhealthy eating habits Suggested revision: are an inactive lifestyle and unhealthy eating habits Why it matters: The singular count noun “lifestyle” requires an article.
- 3. Use fewer with countables Original: less Suggested revision: fewer Why it matters: “Demands” is countable, so it requires “fewer” rather than “less.”
- 4. Use a precise adjective Original: inactive Suggested revision: sedentary Why it matters: “Sedentary” is the more precise term for activities involving little movement.
- 5. Use fewer with calories Original: less Suggested revision: fewer Why it matters: “Calories” is a plural count noun and therefore takes “fewer.”
- 6. Choose the correct verb Original: accentuated Suggested revision: exacerbated Why it matters: “Exacerbated” means made worse, whereas “accentuated” means made more noticeable.
- 7. Remove the comma Original: people, who eat irregularly Suggested revision: people who eat irregularly Why it matters: The defining relative clause identifies which people are being discussed and should not be separated by a comma.
- 8. Remove redundancy Original: physical health problems Suggested revision: health problems Why it matters: Health problems are already physical in this context, so the extra modifier is unnecessary.
- 9. Use natural wording Original: results in incorrect functioning Suggested revision: causes impaired functioning Why it matters: The replacement expresses bodily dysfunction with a natural academic collocation.
- 10. Use a direct collocation Original: contributes to the risk Suggested revision: increases the risk Why it matters: “Increases the risk” is clearer and more idiomatic in this causal statement.
- 11. Add a determiner Original: as body fat percentage increases Suggested revision: as a person’s body-fat percentage increases Why it matters: The singular noun phrase needs a determiner to identify whose percentage is increasing.
- 12. Use a generic reference Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The indefinite article is appropriate because no specific person has been introduced.
Suggested Rewrites
- reasons causes
- are inactive lifestyle and unhealthy eating habits are an inactive lifestyle and unhealthy eating habits
- less fewer
- inactive sedentary
- less fewer
- accentuated exacerbated
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response answers both questions directly and uses a clear cause-and-effect structure, with relevant explanations of lifestyle, diet, health, and productivity. Its main weakness is the recurring imprecision in collocation, articles, plurals, and comparative forms, while some examples are asserted too confidently. The highest-priority improvement is to edit for natural grammatical phrasing and support examples with more carefully qualified claims.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and effects are clearly identified and developed with relevant explanations and examples.
Use more credible, carefully qualified evidence and distinguish unhealthy eating habits from clinical eating disorders.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically from causes to effects, with clear paragraphing and generally effective referencing.
Reduce mechanical signposting and connect each example more explicitly to the precise point it supports.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient topic-specific range, but recurring awkward collocations and imprecise word choices reduce naturalness.
Improve combinations such as causes of obesity, sedentary lifestyle, fewer calories, and heart disease.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but frequent article, number, and comparative errors remain noticeable.
Proofread systematically for articles, countable nouns, comparative forms, and verb patterns such as effort to complete a task.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.