It is a fact that people are under more pressure nowadays and their lives are becoming increasingly stressful. What could be the possible reasons for this? What are some solutions to address this issue?
Sample Response
The modern world struggles for existence is the key to one's success. Apparently, this has made the life of every individual a highly stressful one. There are many aspects attributing to this struggle like health reasons, financial insecurity, work pressure etc. Serious measures need to be taken to overcome this stress. Today those areas will be discussed in details.
Firstly, a healthy life is the precursor to happiness. So, the major contributor towards the stress in a normal person's life is their unhealthy condition. For instance, an employee who due to health reasons takes a week off from work, get a lot of work pressure when rejoins the organisation, hence, leading toward an enormous stress. Moreover, studies all around the world have proved that individuals in poor financial condition lead a more stressful life when compared to the wealthy one. For example, a daily worker who just manages to earn enough for his/her daily meals always has a tension of missing one day's wage. Thus, after analysing the above points we are in a position to state that poor health and wealth condition catalyses to the stress of a person.
Now once we have discovered the reasons leading to stress, it's time to discuss the preventive majors for it. The entity playing the key role in stress control is the government. If the government is well managed and they have proper plans in place to overcome the health and wealth uncertainty of every individual, then the stress does automatically reduce. For example, if a poor worker doesn't have to worry about his one day's wage loss then they can lead their life more peacefully. Hence, we can say that primarily the government needs to implement policies which will be attributing towards stress prevention.
After analysing the reasons for the stress and ways to overcome it, we can safely conclude that the health and wealth are the most important reasons attributing towards stress and the same can be solved by the few changes in the government policies. It is also believed that in future government will make a note and work towards this very critical issue.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the collocation Original: aspects attributing to this struggle Suggested revision: factors contributing to this struggle Why it matters: Factors ‘contribute to’ a problem; they do not ‘attribute to’ it.
- 2. Name the cause precisely Original: reasons Suggested revision: problems Why it matters: ‘Health problems’ clearly identifies the adverse condition causing stress.
- 3. End the complete list Original: work pressure etc. Suggested revision: work pressure. Why it matters: The three stated categories form a complete list, so the vague ‘etc.’ is unnecessary.
- 4. Use fixed expression Original: details Suggested revision: detail Why it matters: The fixed adverbial expression is ‘in detail’, with the singular noun.
- 5. Correct the preposition Original: contributor towards the stress Suggested revision: contributor to stress Why it matters: The noun ‘contributor’ takes ‘to’, and stress is discussed generally here.
- 6. Use natural wording Original: their unhealthy condition Suggested revision: poor health Why it matters: ‘Poor health’ is the standard concise expression for an unhealthy condition.
- 7. Use concise wording Original: studies all around the world Suggested revision: studies worldwide Why it matters: ‘Worldwide’ conveys the same scope more concisely.
- 8. Use cautious reporting Original: proved Suggested revision: shown Why it matters: ‘Shown’ is the more appropriate reporting verb for research findings of this kind.
- 9. Use natural terminology Original: in poor financial condition Suggested revision: in difficult financial circumstances Why it matters: The revision describes a person’s financial situation more naturally.
- 10. Use plural comparison Original: the wealthy one Suggested revision: wealthier people Why it matters: The comparison concerns groups of individuals, so a plural human referent is required.
- 11. Name the worker type Original: a daily worker Suggested revision: a daily-wage worker Why it matters: ‘Daily-wage worker’ clearly identifies someone paid for each day worked.
- 12. Use singular they Original: his/her daily meals Suggested revision: their daily meals Why it matters: Singular ‘their’ avoids the awkward slash form while referring to the worker.
Suggested Rewrites
- aspects attributing to this struggle factors contributing to this struggle
- reasons problems
- work pressure etc. work pressure.
- details detail
- contributor towards the stress contributor to stress
- their unhealthy condition poor health
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response addresses both causes and solutions, with its clearest strength being the link between financial insecurity, missed wages and stress. Its main limitation is that the proposed solution remains vague and almost entirely dependent on unspecified government policies, while frequent grammatical and word-choice errors weaken clarity. The priority is to propose two concrete measures, explain how each would reduce stress and express them in shorter, more accurate sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Health, financial insecurity and work pressure are relevant causes, but the solution section offers only a vague government response with limited practical development.
Propose specific measures such as paid sick leave and accessible healthcare, then explain the direct stress-reducing effect of each.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasons-solution structure is clear, although repetitive metadiscourse and mechanical linking weaken the flow within and between paragraphs.
Start each paragraph with a precise controlling idea and remove phrases that merely announce what the essay is discussing.
Lexical Resource
Some appropriate stress-related vocabulary appears, but frequent miscollocations and word-choice errors substantially reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace phrases such as "preventive majors", "catalyses to the stress" and "has a tension" with clear standard expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally recoverable, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, pronouns and clause structure occur throughout the essay.
Build shorter complete sentences and check subject-verb agreement in forms such as "an employee gets", "conditions contribute" and "stress decreases".
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
It is a fact that people are under more pressure nowadays and their lives are becoming increasingly stressful. What could be the possible reasons for this? What are some solutions to address this issue?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.