The number of overweight people in many countries is increasing alarmingly and the level of their fitness is decreasing. Why is this happening? What can be done to solve this pressing issues?
Sample Response
In recent days, there has been a significant increase in the number of overweight people and it has become a deadly disorder for people. The rising number of obesity reverses with the decreasing of healthy life and sports exercises in daily life. I personally assert that it is caused by having a bad eating habit and lack of time in relaxing body or doing exercises. This essay will elaborate ideas more with some solutions. People mostly spend their time in office dealing with so many workloads thus they have no time to go to a gym in order to keep fit their body. They begin the day since early morning until the midnight to run out with a variety of their projects. Therefore, the best solution to encounter this problem is by providing fitness centre in the work office that is accessible for every employee to do sports activities during the break time. Consequently, employees can keep their body fit. Another reason is having bad diet in which people prefer to eat junk food instead of the healthy food. It is hard for them to prepare their own meal while the deadline of work is waiting, thus an instant food remains as their choice. Even though they already know that fast food can deteriorate their health, but they keep on consuming as their meals. To tackle this problem, the employer must provide a cafeteria which serves much more nutrition foods accessed by each employee. To sum up, to avoid the obesity, a company should provide health access centre and a healthy cafeteria that would enable people to keep their body healthy and take on some sports activities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use suitable timeframe Original: In recent days Suggested revision: In recent years Why it matters: The response describes a broad trend rather than a change confined to the last few days.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: having a bad eating habit Suggested revision: poor eating habits Why it matters: The plural collocation more naturally describes a recurring unhealthy diet.
- 3. Repair noun phrase Original: lack of time in relaxing body Suggested revision: a lack of time to relax Why it matters: The phrase needs an article and an infinitive, while body is unnecessary here.
- 4. Use uncountable exercise Original: or doing exercises Suggested revision: or exercise Why it matters: Exercise is normally uncountable when referring generally to physical activity.
- 5. Add required preposition Original: elaborate ideas more Suggested revision: elaborate on these ideas Why it matters: Elaborate requires on before the ideas being explained.
- 6. Clarify the essay action Original: with some solutions Suggested revision: and propose some solutions Why it matters: The replacement states clearly what the essay will do with the solutions.
- 7. Add definite article Original: in office Suggested revision: in the office Why it matters: The singular count noun needs an article in this context.
- 8. Use workload collocation Original: so many Suggested revision: such heavy Why it matters: Heavy, rather than many, is the natural modifier for workload in this sentence.
- 9. Separate the clauses Original: workloads thus Suggested revision: workloads; thus, Why it matters: The independent clauses need stronger punctuation, followed by a comma after the linker.
- 10. Correct word order Original: keep fit their body Suggested revision: keep their bodies fit Why it matters: The object must precede the complement, and the plural possessors require bodies.
- 11. Correct time expression Original: since early morning until the midnight Suggested revision: from early morning until midnight Why it matters: The paired prepositions are from and until, and midnight takes no article.
- 12. Correct the meaning Original: to run out with a variety of their projects Suggested revision: to complete a variety of projects Why it matters: Run out with does not express finishing work, while complete preserves the intended meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- In recent days In recent years
- having a bad eating habit poor eating habits
- lack of time in relaxing body a lack of time to relax
- or doing exercises or exercise
- elaborate ideas more elaborate on these ideas
- with some solutions and propose some solutions
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in pairing two clear causes—long working hours and unhealthy convenience food—with practical workplace solutions. Its main limitation is that the explanation is restricted almost entirely to office employees, the solutions depend solely on employers, and the single-paragraph format obscures the cause-solution structure; frequent language errors also reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to broaden the analysis and develop each cause and corresponding solution in a separate, clearly organised paragraph.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both questions are answered with relevant cause-solution pairs, but the analysis is narrow, workplace-centred, and only moderately developed.
Include broader causes and responses involving individuals, schools, food policy, or urban design, and explain how each solution would change behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
The cause-solution relationships are generally easy to identify, but the absence of paragraph breaks and repetitive linking make the response dense and mechanical.
Use an introduction, one paragraph for inactivity and exercise access, one for diet and healthier food, and a concise conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough vocabulary for diet, work, and exercise, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce naturalness and clarity.
Use standard expressions such as “exercise regularly,” “workplace fitness centre,” “nutritious food,” and “meet a deadline.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures is attempted, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, prepositions, clause linking, and sentence construction limit accuracy.
Check article use and verb patterns, and avoid double conjunctions such as “even though” followed by “but.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The number of overweight people in many countries is increasing alarmingly and the level of their fitness is decreasing. Why is this happening? What can be done to solve this pressing issues?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.