The number of overweight people in many countries is increasing alarmingly and the level of their fitness is decreasing. Why is this happening? What can be done to solve this pressing issues?
Sample Response
In recent yearsdays, there has been a significant increase in the number of overweight people and it has become a deadly disorder for people. The rising number of obesity reverses with the decreasing of healthy life and sports exercises in daily life. I personally assert that it is caused by poor eating habitshaving a bad eating habit and a lack of time to relaxlack of time in relaxing body or exerciseor doing exercises. This essay will elaborate on these ideaselaborate ideas more and propose some solutionswith some solutions. People mostly spend their time in the officein office dealing with such heavyso many workloads; thus,workloads thus they have no time to go to a gym in order to keep their bodies fitkeep fit their body. They begin the day from early morning until midnightsince early morning until the midnight to complete a variety of projectsto run out with a variety of their projects. Therefore, the best solution to this problemsolution to encounter this problem is to provide a fitness centreis by providing fitness centre at the workplacein the work office that is available to every employeeaccessible for every employee to do sports activities during breaksduring the break time. Consequently, employees can keep their bodiesbody fit. Another reason is having a poor diethaving bad diet in which people prefer to eat junk food instead of healthy foodthe healthy food. It is hard for them to prepare their own meal while the deadline of work is waiting, thus an instant food remains as their choice. Even though they already know that fast food can deteriorate their health, but they keep on consuming as their meals. To tackle this problem, the employer must provide a cafeteria which serves much more nutrition foods accessed by each employee. To sum up, to avoid the obesity, a company should provide health access centre and a healthy cafeteria that would enable people to keep their body healthy and take on some sports activities.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in pairing two clear causes—long working hours and unhealthy convenience food—with practical workplace solutions. Its main limitation is that the explanation is restricted almost entirely to office employees, the solutions depend solely on employers, and the single-paragraph format obscures the cause-solution structure; frequent language errors also reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to broaden the analysis and develop each cause and corresponding solution in a separate, clearly organised paragraph.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with relevant cause-solution pairs, but the analysis is narrow, workplace-centred, and only moderately developed.
Include broader causes and responses involving individuals, schools, food policy, or urban design, and explain how each solution would change behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
The cause-solution relationships are generally easy to identify, but the absence of paragraph breaks and repetitive linking make the response dense and mechanical.
Use an introduction, one paragraph for inactivity and exercise access, one for diet and healthier food, and a concise conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough vocabulary for diet, work, and exercise, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce naturalness and clarity.
Use standard expressions such as “exercise regularly,” “workplace fitness centre,” “nutritious food,” and “meet a deadline.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of structures is attempted, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, prepositions, clause linking, and sentence construction limit accuracy.
Check article use and verb patterns, and avoid double conjunctions such as “even though” followed by “but.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The number of overweight people in many countries is increasing alarmingly and the level of their fitness is decreasing. Why is this happening? What can be done to solve this pressing issues?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.