In many countries, the gap between the rich and poor is increasing. The rich people are becoming richer while the poor is growing poorer. What are the possible causes of this? What can be done to reduce this gap between poor and rich?
Sample Response
The widening gap between the rich and the poor seems to be an increasingly bigger threat that the worldwide nations are facing in recent decades. And I think individuals, governments and powerful companies are all responsible for this. One of the primary causes of the accelerated growth of economic inequality is due to modern technological progress. In order to create the largest wealth by costing the least, employers are motivated to increasingly concentrate on non-human factors of production, including super-automation, robotics, digital computerised operations, machines, tools, etc., which to a large degree reduces the rate of labour employment as well payment. However, considering the fact that technology development will never cease to march forward, it brings about another vital factor - education and qualified working skills. Except for a very small group of lazy people, most in poverty have been working hard so badly, yet ending up with far less payment. Nevertheless, this can be significantly improved by getting them re-educated or trained, which means the government should carry out such constructive policies as increasing the minimum wage and more investment in education and training, to ensure poor group sharing equal opportunities of education and getting hired and paid. Meanwhile, powerful corporations should take responsibilities to reduce poverty, for example, by providing scholarships or creating more job opportunities for those in need. As for individuals, one should seize each opportunity to get themselves armed with modern working skills and keep updated with the latest technology. Anyway, this is now a social issue in general rather than a personal problem. Only with the strength of the whole society with efficient government will we see the chance to reduce the gap.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural threat phrase Original: an increasingly bigger threat Suggested revision: an increasingly serious threat Why it matters: A threat becomes more serious rather than increasingly bigger.
- 2. Correct worldwide placement Original: the worldwide nations Suggested revision: nations worldwide Why it matters: “Worldwide” follows the noun naturally when it means across the world.
- 3. Use present perfect tense Original: are facing in recent decades Suggested revision: have faced in recent decades Why it matters: “In recent decades” describes a period continuing to the present and requires the present perfect.
- 4. Remove unnecessary conjunction Original: And I think Suggested revision: I think Why it matters: The new sentence does not need “and” to connect it to the preceding statement.
- 5. Remove cause redundancy Original: One of the primary causes of the accelerated growth of economic inequality is due to Suggested revision: One primary cause of accelerating economic inequality is Why it matters: Combining “cause” with “is due to” creates a redundant and ungrammatical structure.
- 6. Clarify cost objective Original: create the largest wealth by costing the least Suggested revision: create maximum wealth at minimum cost Why it matters: The revision uses the standard contrast between maximum output and minimum cost.
- 7. Place adverb naturally Original: are motivated to increasingly concentrate Suggested revision: are increasingly motivated to focus Why it matters: The adverb modifies the degree of motivation more naturally before “motivated.”
- 8. Use established automation term Original: super-automation Suggested revision: advanced automation Why it matters: “Advanced automation” is a clearer established term than the coined form “super-automation.”
- 9. Fix agreement and commas Original: which to a large degree reduces Suggested revision: which, to a large degree, reduce Why it matters: The plural list requires “reduce,” and the interrupting phrase needs commas.
- 10. Repair employment phrase Original: rate of labour employment as well payment Suggested revision: level of employment and wages Why it matters: The revision supplies parallel nouns and the missing conjunction.
- 11. Supply people noun Original: most in poverty Suggested revision: most people in poverty Why it matters: “Most” needs a noun identifying the group being described.
- 12. Correct degree wording Original: working hard so badly Suggested revision: working extremely hard Why it matters: “Badly” describes poor performance, not a high degree of effort.
Suggested Rewrites
- an increasingly bigger threat an increasingly serious threat
- the worldwide nations nations worldwide
- are facing in recent decades have faced in recent decades
- And I think I think
- One of the primary causes of the accelerated growth of economic inequality is due to One primary cause of accelerating economic inequality is
- create the largest wealth by costing the least create maximum wealth at minimum cost
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in its coherent link between automation, skills, employment, and inequality, followed by practical proposals involving government, companies, and individuals. Its main limitation is that the causes are narrower than the solutions and the entire discussion appears in one dense paragraph, while several awkward expressions reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to separate causes from solutions, broaden the causal analysis, and develop each policy through a clearer explanation of how it would narrow the gap.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both questions are answered with a clear central cause and several relevant solutions, though the analysis of causes is relatively narrow and some proposals need fuller explanation.
Add another distinct structural cause, such as unequal access to education or tax policy, and show precisely how each proposed measure addresses it.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a generally clear cause-to-solution progression, but the absence of paragraphing and several long transitions make the argument dense.
Use separate focused paragraphs for technological causes, government measures, and the roles of corporations and individuals.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of economic and technological vocabulary, but several unnatural collocations and imprecise phrases weaken control.
Replace expressions such as “create the largest wealth by costing the least” and “working hard so badly” with concise natural wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is used with generally clear meaning, although errors in agreement, articles, parallelism, and sentence construction recur.
Simplify overloaded sentences and check parallel forms carefully when listing policies, opportunities, and employment outcomes.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, the gap between the rich and poor is increasing. The rich people are becoming richer while the poor is growing poorer. What are the possible causes of this? What can be done to reduce this gap between poor and rich?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.