Many people living in cities these days do not get enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this?
Sample Response
It is a rare sight nowadays to see people in big cities, especially young ones, exercising routinely. I think that there are two main reasons for this phenomenon.
The first reason is that people are under too much stress from their jobs and their social life. Many office workers are asked or expected to not leave the workplace until they meet their deliverables, which means they are working overtime almost every day. As a consequence, they have little time left to take care of themselves. Usually, most people would use this free time to do house chores, take care of their family, or go out with friends. When asked, many young professionals would answer that the reason why they do not exercise is that they do not have the time to commit to the activity.
The second reason why people in urban areas do not exercise regularly is that they do not have the financial means to afford a gym membership or a personal trainer. It is a fact that the gym industry is growing and so is the popularity of having a personal trainer. People coming from an underprivileged background would not spend their money at gyms, thinking that it would be a waste. Instead, they opt for cheaper or even free options of exercising, like walking. However, these people usually cannot commit to their routine as they do not have to invest much in it.
In conclusion, the two main reasons why people in urban areas are hesitating to exercise are because they do not have the time to and they do not have the finance for the activity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural adverb Original: routinely Suggested revision: regularly Why it matters: “Regularly” is the natural adverb for exercise frequency.
- 2. Match plural reference Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural subject “people” requires the distributive plural “lives.”
- 3. Place negation naturally Original: expected to not leave Suggested revision: expected not to leave Why it matters: Placing “not” before the infinitive is more natural in formal writing.
- 4. Use accessible wording Original: meet their deliverables Suggested revision: complete their assigned work Why it matters: The replacement is clearer and less dependent on business jargon.
- 5. Remove redundant qualifier Original: Usually, most people Suggested revision: Most people Why it matters: “Usually” and “most” both express frequency, making the opening redundant.
- 6. Use standard collocation Original: house Suggested revision: household Why it matters: “Household chores” is the standard collocation in formal English.
- 7. Use distributive plural Original: family Suggested revision: families Why it matters: The plural subject refers to different people's families, so the plural noun is appropriate.
- 8. Avoid redundant wording Original: financial means to afford Suggested revision: means to pay for Why it matters: “Financial means” and “afford” repeat the same idea unnecessarily.
- 9. Match plural subject Original: People coming from an underprivileged background Suggested revision: People from underprivileged backgrounds Why it matters: The plural subject refers to multiple individuals and therefore takes the plural “backgrounds.”
- 10. Correct spending collocation Original: spend their money at gyms Suggested revision: spend money on gym memberships Why it matters: Money is spent “on” a service or membership rather than “at” it in this context.
- 11. Use natural noun phrase Original: cheaper or even free options of exercising Suggested revision: cheaper or free forms of exercise Why it matters: “Forms of exercise” is more concise and idiomatic than “options of exercising.”
Suggested Rewrites
- routinely regularly
- life lives
- expected to not leave expected not to leave
- meet their deliverables complete their assigned work
- Usually, most people Most people
- house household
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is easy to follow and directly identifies two causes, with the discussion of work pressure developed through a coherent chain of explanation. The principal weakness is the second cause: unaffordable gyms do not necessarily prevent exercise, and the claim that free options reduce commitment is insufficiently justified. Strengthen this argument by explaining a genuinely urban barrier to activity and supporting it with a more convincing example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is directly answered with two causes, but the second cause is less convincing because its link to insufficient exercise is only partly established.
Replace or substantially develop the financial argument by showing exactly how a city-specific constraint prevents people from using accessible forms of exercise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has clear paragraphing and a straightforward progression from the introduction through each cause to the conclusion.
Reduce repeated formulations about lacking time and make the internal logic of the second body paragraph more consistently cumulative.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and generally appropriate, with some effective topic language about workload, deliverables, and financial means.
Use more natural combinations in places, replacing expressions such as 'options of exercising' and 'finance for the activity' with idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A useful range of simple and complex sentences is handled with generally good control, and errors rarely distract from meaning.
Correct awkward patterns such as 'the reasons ... are because' and review tense and complementation in phrases like 'are hesitating to exercise'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people living in cities these days do not get enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.