Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
In the current world, most of the people like to celebrate any special occasion by inviting a lot of people. The discussion that throwing too much money to hold parties like birthday, marriage or any other special event is a debatable one, with strong logics provided by the supporters of both the views.
A few argue that the special events need to be celebrated grandly, as it happens only a few times in a lifetime. For instance, marriage is considered to occur once in a lifetime and the people want to have the memory of that event until their last breath. This is possible only when the location is well decorated and all of the friends and the neighbours are invited. By spending limited money, it is almost impossible to achieve something special which will be remembered forever. Thus it is obvious, why some people incline towards this point of view.
On the other hand, some people believe that it is not right to spend a huge amount money on personal celebrations as there are a lot of people across the globe under starvation. For example, in most of the African countries, many people do not even have food to eat for a single meal a day. In case, the money spent on celebration can be sent to the people who are really in need, definitely, a lot of life can be saved. Hence, it is clear why a few individuals refute with high spending parties.
Considering the memories of special occasions as well as starvation, spending much money for parties has been supported and refuted by many. Even though memories of some special events are important, saving human life from starvation is more important. Hence, in my opinion, it is necessary to cut down the spending on parties and spend that money for the poor people’s food.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural time phrase Original: In the current world Suggested revision: In today's world Why it matters: Today's world is the natural phrase for the present context.
- 2. Remove definite phrase Original: most of the people Suggested revision: most people Why it matters: Most people is used for a general population without the of the construction.
- 3. Use general plural Original: any special occasion Suggested revision: special occasions Why it matters: The plural expresses a general habit more naturally.
- 4. Fix spending collocation Original: throwing too much money to hold parties Suggested revision: spending too much money on parties Why it matters: Money is spent on an activity rather than thrown to hold it.
- 5. Name celebrations consistently Original: birthday, marriage or any other special event Suggested revision: birthdays, weddings, or other special events Why it matters: Birthdays and weddings name the celebrations rather than the states of birth and marriage.
- 6. Use arguments noun Original: strong logics Suggested revision: strong arguments Why it matters: Logic is uncountable here, while arguments are the reasons offered by each side.
- 7. Remove definite article Original: both the views Suggested revision: both views Why it matters: Both directly determines the plural noun in this general reference.
- 8. Use general plural Original: the special events Suggested revision: special events Why it matters: No definite article is needed when referring to special events generally.
- 9. Match plural subject Original: as it happens Suggested revision: as they happen Why it matters: The pronoun and verb must agree with the plural subject special events.
- 10. Remove general article Original: the people want Suggested revision: people want Why it matters: People used in a general sense does not take the definite article.
- 11. Moderate expression Original: until their last breath Suggested revision: throughout their lives Why it matters: The replacement conveys lasting memories in a less melodramatic academic style.
- 12. Fix commas and wording Original: Thus it is obvious, why Suggested revision: Thus, it is clear why Why it matters: The introductory adverb takes a comma, while no comma separates clear from its clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- In the current world In today's world
- most of the people most people
- any special occasion special occasions
- throwing too much money to hold parties spending too much money on parties
- birthday, marriage or any other special event birthdays, weddings, or other special events
- strong logics strong arguments
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay’s strongest feature is its clear four-part structure: it explains the appeal of memorable celebrations, presents the opportunity cost of lavish spending, and reaches an explicit judgement. Its main limitation is that development is narrow and sometimes overstated, especially the claim that memorable events require high spending and the shift from social necessity to starvation; prioritise explaining broader individual and social benefits before weighing them against realistic alternatives.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the position is clear, but the case for celebrations focuses narrowly on personal memories while the social dimension and trade-offs remain underdeveloped.
Explain how celebrations may strengthen relationships, traditions or local economies, then compare those benefits with proportionate rather than absolute alternatives for spending.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through an introduction, one paragraph per view and a clear conclusion, although some signposting is formulaic.
Replace repetitive closing signals such as Thus it is obvious and Hence it is clear with transitions that show the precise relationship between ideas.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough topic vocabulary to express both positions, but frequent inaccurate collocations such as strong logics, under starvation and refute with reduce precision.
Use natural expressions such as strong arguments, suffering from hunger, oppose lavish celebrations and spend money on food for people in need.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted and meaning remains clear, but errors in agreement, articles, prepositions and clause construction recur.
Correct structures such as events happen, a huge amount of money, money spent on celebrations could be donated, and many lives could be saved.
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