Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?
Sample Response
Being famousBeing a famous person, for example, a popular actor or a sports star,for example a popular actor or a sports star, has drawbacks as well as benefitsis problematic as well as beneficial. This essay arguesbelieves that fame has more negative than positive effectsmore negative effects because it comes at the cost of burdeningcomes with the cost of being a burden to the star’s family and can threatenthe star’s family, and it can threaten the star’s mental health.
The first negative effect of fame on the star’s life isThe first negative effect fame has on the star’s life is the burden it puts on theirhis family. That is not only because of the paparazzi that keep chasing them everywhere they go and eventually putting them at physical risk, but also because of the pink media which posts news about them that completely breach privacy and are often related to intimate relationships. For example, it is very well known how much detrimental the role of paparazzi and pink media was on Princess Diana’s sons and they report that those publications and breaking news scarred them for a lifetime just because they come from a famous family.
The second reason behind the negative impact of being a starthe negativity of being a star is that fameit creates an unsafe environment that may endanger the star’s mental health. Being constantly in the spotlightunder the spotlights and lacking minimal privacythe minimum amount of privacy in a celebrity’s lifein the person’s life is knowndocumented to be detrimental to the celebrity’s mental healththis latter’s mental health. For instance, the film starthe famous movie star Marilyn Monroe is known to have committed suicide because she could not cope with a complete lack of privacywith a life with no privacy at all, and similar claims have been made about the Egyptian star Souad Husni and many othersand the same applies to the famous Egyptian star Souad Husni and many others.
In conclusion, in my opinion, the negative aspects of fame outweigh the positive ones especially because it puts a burden on the star’s family and puts their mental health in danger.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear position, supported by two focused consequences of fame and relevant illustrative examples. Its main limitation is that some explanations depend on overstated claims, while several long sentences contain awkward wording, agreement problems, or faulty parallel structure. The highest-priority improvement is to make the causal reasoning more measured and edit complex sentences for grammatical control and precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported by two relevant, substantially developed reasons with examples.
Strengthen the argument by qualifying speculative claims and making the comparison with potential benefits more explicit.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are organised into focused paragraphs and progress logically from the thesis through two supporting reasons to the conclusion.
Clarify reference chains in long sentences so that pronouns and causal links remain immediately clear.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of topic-specific vocabulary, despite some repetition and awkward or nonstandard expressions.
Use more natural alternatives for phrases such as “pink media,” “under the spotlights,” and “this latter’s.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is attempted successfully, but agreement, parallelism, and sentence-control errors remain noticeable.
Edit long sentences for subject-verb agreement, parallel verb forms, and cleaner coordination of clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality, brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.