Celebrities make a very good living out of media attention and have chosen to live in the public spotlight. They have no right to complain when they feel the media are intruding on their privacy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Being famous should not mean that you give up all right to a private. Although a lot depends on the reason why a person is famous, everyone should be able to enjoy a certain amount of privacy. I believe it is useful to draw a distinction between those who have sought a career in the public eye and those who have not. Prominent performers in film, television and music, for example, have clear chosen a career path that potentially leads to fame. In fact, for many of them, becoming as widely known as possible is a key ambition. Since they have invited the public to focus their attention on them, they should not be too surprised to find that people are interested in gossip or scandal about their private lives. Public attention is not something that you can turn on and off at will. Having said that, even those who seek fame still deserve the protection of the law and the media should be prevented from harassing them. Other public figures, on the other hand, have not chosen to be famous. Members of royal families are born into fame, as are the children of celebrities. Ordinary people in the news often become well-known through no fault of their own. It is my opinion that the media have no right to intrude into these people’s private lives. I would even go so far as to say that I support an extension of the law to guarantee their privacy. The media should be prevented from reporting on things that should be private matters. As the media continue to become more and more powerful in our society, so the question of privacy becomes more important. Everyone deserves a private life, although perhaps some deserve it more than others.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete noun phrase Original: right to a private Suggested revision: right to a private life Why it matters: Private is an adjective here and needs the noun life to complete the phrase.
- 2. Use adverb form Original: clear Suggested revision: clearly Why it matters: The adverb clearly is required to modify the verb chosen.
- 3. Separate full clauses Original: law and the media Suggested revision: law, and the media Why it matters: A comma is needed before and because it joins two independent clauses.
- 4. Improve collocation Original: born into fame Suggested revision: born into public prominence Why it matters: Public prominence more precisely describes an inherited public status.
- 5. Clarify relationship Original: Ordinary people in the news Suggested revision: Ordinary people featured in the news Why it matters: Featured in the news clearly expresses how ordinary people receive public attention.
- 6. Use natural preposition Original: into Suggested revision: on Why it matters: Intrude on is the more natural collocation when referring to privacy or a private life.
- 7. Use concise structure Original: support an extension of the law Suggested revision: support extending the law Why it matters: The gerund construction states the same proposal more directly.
- 8. Remove repetition Original: things that should be private matters Suggested revision: matters that should remain private Why it matters: The revision removes the repetition between things and matters while preserving the intended restriction.
- 9. Use concise modifier Original: more and more powerful Suggested revision: increasingly powerful Why it matters: Increasingly expresses the same gradual change more concisely in formal writing.
- 10. Separate contrasting groups Suggested revision: Start a new paragraph when the discussion shifts from people who seek fame to people who become famous involuntarily. Why it matters: A paragraph break at this conceptual shift would make the comparison between the two groups easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- right to a private right to a private life
- clear clearly
- law and the media law, and the media
- born into fame born into public prominence
- Ordinary people in the news Ordinary people featured in the news
- into on
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response develops a sophisticated and consistent position by distinguishing people who pursue fame from those who become public figures involuntarily, using precise reasoning and flexible language. Its main weakness is that the entire argument appears as one paragraph, which obscures its otherwise strong progression; the highest-priority improvement is to separate the distinction, legal limits, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs while correcting the few conspicuous language slips.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the proposition with a nuanced position, well-developed distinctions, and relevant consideration of legal protection.
Sharpen the final qualification by explaining more precisely why differing circumstances affect the degree of privacy protection deserved.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning follows a clear progression from voluntary fame to involuntary publicity and then to a broader conclusion, with effective cohesive devices.
Use separate paragraphs for the contrasting groups and the concluding legal argument so the organisation visibly matches the conceptual structure.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and natural, including effective expressions for public attention, harassment, intrusion, and legal protection.
Proofread for isolated word-form and incomplete-phrase errors so the otherwise polished lexical control remains consistent.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex sentence structures is handled with strong control, and most sentences are error-free.
Correct the few conspicuous form errors, including the incomplete phrase about a private life and the adverb needed before chosen.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Celebrities make a very good living out of media attention and have chosen to live in the public spotlight. They have no right to complain when they feel the media are intruding on their privacy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.