In some parts of the world, many famous people are regarded as role models and they are having an increasing influence on the young. Is this a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
The growing influence of famous individuals on the younger generation has become an increasingly prominent issue worldwide. While some argue that this influence can have positive effects, such as inspiring ambition and fostering social awareness, I would argue that it promotes unrealistic expectations and encourages negative behaviors.
On the one hand, the rising influence of celebrities can be seen as beneficial to youth in several significant ways. Famous figures, especially successful athletes and entrepreneurs, often serve as powerful role models who inspire young people to set high goals and pursue success. For instance, entrepreneurs like Elon Musk exemplify the impact of hard work and determination, motivating young individuals to reach for their own ambitious aspirations. Furthermore, celebrities who use their platforms to promote social issues can inspire youth to become more engaged in community matters. Emma Watson, for example, has actively championed gender equality as a UN Women Goodwill Ambassador, encouraging young people to actively participate in societal movements and advocate for change.
On the other hand, the influence of famous individuals on young people’s values and behaviors is largely detrimental for several reasons. Chief among these is that celebrities often portray idealized lifestyles, which can create unrealistic expectations among their followers. As a result, young people may feel dissatisfied with their own lives, leading to lower self-esteem and a distorted sense of success. The pursuit of wealth and fame, as demonstrated by many celebrities, may also encourage a focus on superficial achievements, overshadowing more meaningful personal growth. Moreover, the behavior of some celebrities, such as their promotion of excessive partying or materialism, can negatively impact impressionable young followers. Specifically, scandals involving celebrities frequently normalize unhealthy behaviors, leading young people to believe that such actions are acceptable or even desirable.
In conclusion, while the influence of celebrities can inspire positive change and ambition among young people, it carries more significant risks, including the promotion of unrealistic expectations and negative behaviors.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Choose a neutral noun Original: issue Suggested revision: phenomenon Why it matters: Influence is more accurately described as a phenomenon before its effects are evaluated.
- 2. Clarify the reference Original: argue that it promotes Suggested revision: argue that this influence promotes Why it matters: Naming the referent directly removes possible ambiguity in the pronoun.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: beneficial to youth Suggested revision: beneficial for young people Why it matters: This phrasing is more natural and consistent with the essay's register.
- 4. Remove redundancy Original: ambitious aspirations Suggested revision: aspirations Why it matters: Aspirations already imply ambition, so the adjective is unnecessary.
- 5. Use a precise collocation Original: promote social issues Suggested revision: raise awareness of social issues Why it matters: Celebrities can raise awareness of issues, whereas promoting an issue suggests endorsing the problem itself.
- 6. Use a clearer noun Original: matters Suggested revision: issues Why it matters: Community issues is a more specific and natural expression in this context.
- 7. Avoid repeated wording Original: encouraging young people to actively participate Suggested revision: encouraging young people to participate Why it matters: Removing actively avoids repetition while preserving the meaning of participation.
- 8. Clarify the relationship Original: demonstrated Suggested revision: pursued Why it matters: Celebrities pursue wealth and fame rather than demonstrate the pursuit itself.
- 9. Strengthen the collocation Original: their promotion of excessive partying or materialism Suggested revision: their glorification of excessive partying and materialism Why it matters: Glorification more precisely describes presenting these behaviours and values as desirable.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Specifically, scandals involving celebrities frequently normalize unhealthy behaviors, leading young people to believe that such actions are acceptable or even desirable. Suggested revision: Specifically, frequent coverage of celebrity scandals can normalize unhealthy behaviours, leading young people to believe that such actions are acceptable or even desirable. Why it matters: Making coverage the subject creates a clearer logical link to the claimed normalization.
- 11. Sharpen the progression Suggested revision: Group the discussion into two clear stages: idealized lifestyles and their effects first, followed by harmful celebrity conduct and its influence. Why it matters: The paragraph moves between related consequences, so clearer staging would make its progression easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- issue phenomenon
- argue that it promotes argue that this influence promotes
- beneficial to youth beneficial for young people
- ambitious aspirations aspirations
- promote social issues raise awareness of social issues
- matters issues
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear, consistent position and well-developed examination of both beneficial and harmful celebrity influence, supported by relevant examples and fluent, controlled language. Its main limitation is that some claims, especially about scandals and superficial success, remain fairly general rather than critically examined. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the causal analysis of the negative effects and make the final comparative judgment more explicitly reasoned.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the question, maintains a clear negative judgment, and develops both sides with relevant explanations and examples.
Deepen the analysis of why the negative consequences outweigh the benefits rather than relying mainly on their number and seriousness.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clearly focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly without obscuring relationships.
Make the transition from the balanced discussion to the comparative conclusion slightly more analytical and less formulaic.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion, with effective phrases such as unrealistic expectations, distorted sense of success, and impressionable followers.
Reduce occasional repetition of celebrities and young people by using precise contextual alternatives where they remain unambiguous.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is used accurately and flexibly, with errors rare and communication consistently clear.
Refine occasional heavy multi-clause sentences so that emphasis remains as sharp as the grammatical control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some parts of the world, many famous people are regarded as role models and they are having an increasing influence on the young. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.