Some people believe when famous people support international aid, it makes the general public think about it. Others think celebrities make the problem less important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Today, it is not rare to see celebrities actively take part in philanthropy activities, giving rise to the term “celebrity humanitarians”. While some people advocate that this development will help raise public awareness regarding the issue, others believe celebrities instead make the problem less important than it ought to be. I will discuss both views and then state my opinion.
On the one hand, some people believe celebrities dilute the importance of the problems. There have been many cases where the involvement of a celebrity only serves as tabloid materials rather than educates the public about the issue, especially when the celebrities’ main motive is to promote their name. For example, a model once published a series of her nude photos, citing her opposition to the illegal poaching of animals in Africa as the main motive, but never mentioned anything about how serious the issue of illegal poaching was in following interviews.
On the other hand, it is undeniable that celebrities are ideal candidates to alert the mass people to the pressing issues, if for no other reason than their unparalleled diverse audiences. The large fan base of famous people is very likely to support the good cause that their idol endorses. In addition, celebrities can gather huge media coverage, and as a result, even people who are not their fans can be aware of the problem. Such attention-catching ability is very important to spread the message about international aid needed.
Having evaluated both sides of the argument, my conclusion is that the charity organizations can harness the celebrities’ star power, at the same time combat the afore mentioned problem by choosing their spoke person wisely, so that the ambassador sincerely has the best interests of the troubled people or animals at heart, and not to divert public attention to himself.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the adjective form Original: philanthropy Suggested revision: philanthropic Why it matters: The noun 'philanthropy' should be changed to an adjective before 'activities'.
- 2. Keep the reference singular Original: problems Suggested revision: problem Why it matters: The discussion refers to the singular problem introduced in the task.
- 3. Use uncountable material Original: materials Suggested revision: material Why it matters: 'Material' is uncountable when it means content for publication.
- 4. Use parallel verb form Original: educates Suggested revision: educating Why it matters: The gerund creates the correct contrast with serving as tabloid material.
- 5. Use natural self-promotion wording Original: promote their name Suggested revision: promote themselves Why it matters: People conventionally promote themselves rather than 'their name'.
- 6. Add a natural determiner Original: following Suggested revision: subsequent Why it matters: 'Subsequent interviews' expresses later interviews naturally without a missing determiner.
- 7. Use the standard phrase Original: alert the mass people to Suggested revision: alert the general public to Why it matters: 'The general public' is the natural collective expression in this context.
- 8. Clarify audience description Original: unparalleled diverse audiences Suggested revision: large, diverse audiences Why it matters: 'Unparalleled' does not grammatically modify 'diverse' and obscures the intended description.
- 9. Use natural media collocation Original: gather huge media coverage Suggested revision: attract extensive media coverage Why it matters: Media coverage is normally 'attracted', and 'extensive' is more formal than 'huge'.
- 10. Correct adjective complement Original: important to spread Suggested revision: important for spreading Why it matters: 'Important for' correctly links the ability to its function.
- 11. Clarify the noun phrase Original: international aid needed Suggested revision: the need for international aid Why it matters: The revised noun phrase clearly identifies what the message concerns.
- 12. Use concise frequency wording Original: not rare Suggested revision: common Why it matters: 'Common' expresses the same frequency more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- philanthropy philanthropic
- problems problem
- materials material
- educates educating
- promote their name promote themselves
- following subsequent
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay addresses both views directly, sustains a thoughtful position, and supports its discussion with a relevant example and clear reasoning. Its main weakness is linguistic polish: several collocations are unnatural, and a few grammatical or spelling slips appear despite the generally sophisticated control. The highest-priority improvement is to revise awkward noun phrases and parallel structures so the strong argument is expressed with consistently natural precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both positions are well developed, and the conclusion offers a clear, nuanced view of how charities can use celebrities responsibly.
Strengthen the positive side further by illustrating a specific instance in which celebrity involvement successfully increased support or awareness.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing used effectively throughout.
Make the long concluding sentence slightly more concise so its recommendation and qualification are even easier to process.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often sophisticated, but several combinations such as tabloid materials, mass people, and unparalleled diverse audiences are unnatural.
Check advanced vocabulary for idiomatic collocation and correct compound forms such as spokesperson and aforementioned.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with generally good control, although parallelism and sentence construction errors occur in a few places.
Review verb parallelism and purpose clauses, especially constructions such as rather than educates and so that followed by and not to.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe when famous people support international aid, it makes the general public think about it. Others think celebrities make the problem less important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.