According to those in the travel business, the nature of the average ‘holiday’ is changing. Rather than seeking a relaxing break in a far-away place, people now want exitement on their holidays and are keen to participate in unusual and challenging activities. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Holidays are important because they provide a break from our normal daily routine and from the world of work. Traditionally, holidays have been seen as a time for relaxation and as an opportunity to visit another country in order to find out about its geography and customs. Nowadays, however, it seems that other types of holiday are becoming popular.
Some people want their holiday to be a kind of adventure, and find this more exciting than going to the beach or visiting museums. On an adventure holiday, you may stay in quite basic accommodation, rather than a luxurious hotel. Activities may involve things such as bush walking or cycling, or may form part of an aid project designed to help communities in remote areas. Holidays such as these are popular with people of all ages and can often help to promote tourism in rural environments.
The increasing popularity of dangerous sports has also boosted the number of adventure holidays; for example, water sports, mountain climbing or paragliding. These holidays are more popular with the younger generation, as they can be both physically and mentally demanding. Participants are often seeking the sort of thrills that they cannot get in ordinary life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: normal daily routine Suggested revision: daily routine Why it matters: A routine is already normal and recurring, so 'normal' is unnecessary here.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: from the world of work Suggested revision: from work Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same meaning more directly.
- 3. Improve parallel structure Original: as a time for relaxation and as an opportunity Suggested revision: as a time to relax and an opportunity Why it matters: The revision removes the repeated preposition while keeping the two complements parallel.
- 4. Reduce wordiness Original: in order to find out about Suggested revision: to learn about Why it matters: The concise infinitive expresses the purpose more naturally.
- 5. Use plural count noun Original: holiday Suggested revision: holidays Why it matters: The plural noun agrees more naturally with 'types of' in this general statement.
- 6. Make the phrase concise Original: their holiday to be a kind of adventure Suggested revision: an adventurous holiday Why it matters: The adjective expresses the intended idea more directly and economically.
- 7. Remove interrupting comma Original: quite basic accommodation, rather than Suggested revision: quite basic accommodation rather than Why it matters: The comparison flows directly from the verb phrase and does not require a comma.
- 8. Tighten the reference Original: Holidays such as these Suggested revision: Such holidays Why it matters: The shorter demonstrative phrase links back to the examples more efficiently.
- 9. Use natural wording Original: environments Suggested revision: areas Why it matters: 'Rural areas' is the more natural collocation for geographical locations.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: The increasing popularity of dangerous sports has also boosted the number of adventure holidays; for example, water sports, mountain climbing or paragliding. Suggested revision: The increasing popularity of dangerous sports, such as water sports, mountain climbing and paragliding, has also increased demand for adventure holidays. Why it matters: The rewrite integrates the examples into a complete sentence and removes the incorrect semicolon before a fragment.
Suggested Rewrites
- normal daily routine daily routine
- from the world of work from work
- as a time for relaxation and as an opportunity as a time to relax and an opportunity
- in order to find out about to learn about
- holiday holidays
- their holiday to be a kind of adventure an adventurous holiday
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is clearly organized and uses strong, accurate language to describe the rise and appeal of adventure holidays. However, it remains 50 words below the minimum and, more importantly, never states whether the writer agrees or disagrees with the claim, so the central task is only partially addressed. The highest-priority improvement is to establish a clear position early, develop reasons supporting it, and confirm it in a conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant aspects of adventure holidays are explained, but the required agree-or-disagree position is absent and the under-length response ends without resolving the question.
State a clear degree of agreement in the introduction, build the discussion around reasons for that view, and add a concise conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is arranged in a clear progression from background to forms and attractions of adventure travel, with effective paragraphing and linking.
Add a concluding stage that draws the developed points together and connects them explicitly to the writer's position.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of accurate, topic-specific vocabulary, including effective language for accommodation, tourism, and demanding activities.
Extend the lexical range toward evaluation by using precise expressions that compare changing preferences rather than mainly describing holiday types.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is used with strong control, and nearly all sentences are accurate and easy to follow.
Polish punctuation around examples and lists so the already strong grammatical control is consistently precise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
According to those in the travel business, the nature of the average ‘holiday’ is changing. Rather than seeking a relaxing break in a far-away place, people now want exitement on their holidays and are keen to participate in unusual and challenging activities. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.