In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative?
Sample Response
It is true that these days the family structure has considerably shifted, and the changing roles of men and women in the family have become increasingly similar. There are several new forms of family composition, and in my opinion, these developments are not always desirable.
In the past, nuclear families where parents and their offspring living together under one roof used to be prevalent. However, there is now a huge trend towards single-parent families due to more marriages ending in divorce, while the increase in cohabiting couple families and stepfamilies is probably a result of cohabitation and remarriage becoming much more acceptable. In addition, the number of single-mother families has increased as many mothers want to have children without getting married. In terms of changing parental roles in a family, there has been a rise in the number of stay-at-home dads in recent years when it has become normal for women to gain qualifications and pursue their own career paths. This is in sharp contrast to about half a decade ago when men were breadwinners and women were in charge of household chores in their families.
In my view, the changes described above could have both positive and negative consequences. On the one hand, due to the lack of emotional attachment and legal binding, non-traditional households such as stepfamilies and cohabiting parents are more prone to breaking down. Consequently, children of these families are more likely to be involved in antisocial behaviours while their parents may experience feelings of loneliness and worry. On the other hand, the changes in the roles of members of the family could be seen as progress because women are not put under pressure to sacrifice their own careers to assume childcare and domestic responsibilities.
In conclusion, I believe that the changes in the roles of family members and the family structure are both positive and negative because of the aforementioned reasons.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve the collocation Original: has considerably shifted Suggested revision: has changed considerably Why it matters: Family structure changes rather than shifts in this context, and the adverb sits more naturally after the verb.
- 2. Clarify changing roles Original: the changing roles of men and women in the family have become increasingly similar Suggested revision: the roles of men and women in the family have increasingly converged Why it matters: Roles converge when they become more alike, making the change clearer.
- 3. Use precise emphasis Original: huge Suggested revision: strong Why it matters: Strong is a more natural academic modifier for trend than huge.
- 4. Clarify the household type Original: cohabiting couple families Suggested revision: households formed by cohabiting couples Why it matters: The revision expresses this family form clearly and avoids an awkward noun cluster.
- 5. Show the causal link Original: in recent years when it has become normal Suggested revision: in recent years as it has become more common Why it matters: As connects the rise in stay-at-home fathers more clearly to the changing position of women.
- 6. Use a plausible timeframe Original: about half a decade ago Suggested revision: several decades ago Why it matters: A broader historical timeframe better matches the substantial contrast in family roles being described.
- 7. Improve word choice Original: the lack of emotional attachment and legal binding Suggested revision: weaker emotional attachment and fewer legal ties Why it matters: Legal ties is the natural expression, and weaker avoids the unsupported absolute claim implied by lack.
- 8. Use natural preposition Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: In is the natural preposition for children who belong to these household arrangements.
- 9. Improve the collocation Original: be involved in antisocial behaviours Suggested revision: engage in antisocial behaviour Why it matters: Engage in is the standard collocation for participating in this kind of behaviour.
- 10. Reduce wordiness Original: the roles of members of the family Suggested revision: the roles of family members Why it matters: The revision is more concise while preserving the original meaning.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: In the past, nuclear families where parents and their offspring living together under one roof used to be prevalent. Suggested revision: In the past, nuclear families in which parents and their offspring lived together under one roof were prevalent. Why it matters: The original relative clause lacks a finite verb and redundantly combines in the past with used to.
- 12. Separate the two changes Suggested revision: Divide the discussion of new family structures from the discussion of changing parental roles, using a clear transition between them. Why it matters: The paragraph shifts from household composition to parental roles midway through, so a clearer division would improve progression.
Suggested Rewrites
- has considerably shifted has changed considerably
- the changing roles of men and women in the family have become increasingly similar the roles of men and women in the family have increasingly converged
- huge strong
- cohabiting couple families households formed by cohabiting couples
- in recent years when it has become normal in recent years as it has become more common
- about half a decade ago several decades ago
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear organization and relevant identification of changes in both family composition and parental roles. Its main limitation is that the evaluation relies on broad, sometimes insufficiently qualified claims, while the overall position remains somewhat general. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the consequences more carefully with precise reasoning and explicitly state the writer's overall judgment about the balance of positive and negative effects.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both family changes and their positive and negative effects, but some consequences are generalized and the overall evaluation is not fully sharpened.
Qualify the claims about non-traditional households and state a more explicit overall judgment after weighing the contrasting effects.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a logical four-paragraph progression, though the long paragraph cataloguing changes is comparatively dense and unevenly developed.
Group the different structural and role changes more selectively so each paragraph advances one fully developed central idea.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often appropriately specific, but several collocations, including legal binding and huge trend, sound unnatural.
Prioritize natural collocations such as legal commitment and growing trend when expressing otherwise sophisticated ideas.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a good range of complex structures, with occasional errors in clause formation and tense control that do not impede meaning.
Check relative and time clauses carefully, especially constructions such as families where parents and offspring living and recent-years comparisons.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.