Over the past 50 years, young people have gained status and power but old people have lost. What is the cause and is it a good development or bad development? What is your viewpoint on this?

Sample Response

1

The knowledge-based society witnessed great changes over the past decades. Many young people have taken the place of older people and gainedthe old ones and gained political and financial power in the world. Bill Gates, the director of Microsoft, Tony Blaire, Prime Minister of Britain and Bush, President of the USA give us a vivid illustration. From my point of view, the trend is natural and inevitable. Young people are energetic and vigorous. Most of them have received formal education atin university, where they gained extensive knowledge and experienceacquired abundant knowledge and experience, which are quite essential for their future careersessential to their future career. Compared with young people, old people's knowledge is outdated, which does not fit in with the development of the current society. Old people react more slowly than young people, who can always make quick judgmentsjudges and prompt decisions. Furthermore, young people are more open-minded than old people who have a tendency to be conservativetendency of conservation. Therefore, young people can adapt toadapt themselves to the changingchangeable world more easily. Obviously, this trend brings about both advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, young leaders and influential figuresyoung leaders and powers can bring vigour and new hope to the worldinject vigour and new hopes to the world, which not only benefits the development of the global economy but also establishes multilateral relationsrelation among countriesamong the countries in the world. On the other hand, young people still lack adequate experience and skills to deal with complexsophisticated national problems and international relations. As a result, many young leaders in the world are often criticised by older people for lacking tactical experiencecriticised for the lack of tactics by old people. Some young people are overly radical when facing problemsvery radical when faced with trouble. They still have a lot of things to learn. Generally, old people should offer younger peopleyoung guys opportunities to developpractice their abilities and talents. At the same time, young people should learn humbly from older peoplelearn from old ones modestly and make themselves more admirable.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.5

The essay explains several plausible reasons for younger people's increased influence and considers both benefits and drawbacks with relevant contrasts between energy and experience. However, it never clearly decides whether the development is good or bad, and the single-block presentation obscures the otherwise logical sequence. The highest priority is to state a qualified final judgment and organise the causes, advantages, and disadvantages in separate paragraphs.

Band score breakdown

IELTS Writing Criteria Scores

TR

Task Response

6.0
Scoring rule

Relevant causes, advantages, and disadvantages are discussed, but the response does not give a clear overall judgment on whether the development is good or bad.

Next step

End with an explicit qualified verdict, explaining whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks and under what conditions.

CC

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0
Scoring rule

The ideas move logically from causes to advantages and disadvantages, but the absence of paragraphing and repeated references to age groups weaken organisation.

Next step

Create separate paragraphs for causes and evaluation, and use concise referencing to reduce repetition of 'young people' and 'old people'.

LR

Lexical Resource

6.5
Scoring rule

There is a good range of vocabulary for education, leadership, and social change, though several word choices and collocations are unnatural.

Next step

Replace phrases such as 'quick judges', 'young leaders and powers', and 'tendency of conservation' with precise idiomatic alternatives.

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0
Scoring rule

A varied range of complex structures, including comparisons and relative clauses, is generally accurate and easy to follow.

Next step

Refine agreement and clause attachment in longer sentences so that relative pronouns and their referents remain unambiguous.

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IELTS Writing Task 2

Over the past 50 years, young people have gained status and power but old people have lost. What is the cause and is it a good development or bad development? What is your viewpoint on this?

Your response

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