Over the past 50 years, young people have gained status and power but old people have lost. What is the cause and is it a good development or bad development? What is your viewpoint on this?
Sample Response
The knowledge-based society witnessed great changes over the past decades. Many young people have taken the place of the old ones and gained political and financial power in the world. Bill Gates, the director of Microsoft, Tony Blaire, Prime Minister of Britain and Bush, President of the USA give us a vivid illustration. From my point of view, the trend is natural and inevitable. Young people are energetic and vigorous. Most of them have received formal education in university, where they acquired abundant knowledge and experience, which are quite essential to their future career. Compared with young people, old people's knowledge is outdated, which does not fit in with the development of the current society. Old people react more slowly than young people, who can always make quick judges and prompt decisions. Furthermore, young people are more open-minded than old people who have a tendency of conservation. Therefore, young people can adapt themselves to the changeable world more easily. Obviously, this trend brings about both advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, young leaders and powers can inject vigour and new hopes to the world, which not only benefits the development of the global economy but also establishes multilateral relation among the countries in the world. On the other hand, young people still lack adequate experience and skills to deal with sophisticated national problems and international relations. As a result, many young leaders in the world are often criticised for the lack of tactics by old people. Some young people are very radical when faced with trouble. They still have a lot of things to learn. Generally, old people should offer young guys opportunities to practice their abilities and talents. At the same time, young people should learn from old ones modestly and make themselves more admirable.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use respectful noun phrase Original: the old ones and gained Suggested revision: older people and gained Why it matters: Older people is clearer and more appropriate than the old ones.
- 2. Use location preposition Original: in Suggested revision: at Why it matters: At university is the standard prepositional phrase.
- 3. Use natural quantity adjective Original: acquired abundant knowledge and experience Suggested revision: gained extensive knowledge and experience Why it matters: Extensive is a natural modifier for knowledge and experience.
- 4. Use plural careers Original: essential to their future career Suggested revision: essential for their future careers Why it matters: The plural subject them refers to multiple people with multiple careers, and essential takes for here.
- 5. Use correct noun Original: judges Suggested revision: judgments Why it matters: Judgments are decisions, whereas judges are people.
- 6. Describe conservatism naturally Original: tendency of conservation Suggested revision: tendency to be conservative Why it matters: The infinitive phrase expresses the behavioural tendency clearly.
- 7. Remove reflexive pronoun Original: adapt themselves to Suggested revision: adapt to Why it matters: Adapt is used without a reflexive pronoun in this context.
- 8. Use changing world Original: changeable Suggested revision: changing Why it matters: Changing describes a world that is continually developing, while changeable suggests instability.
- 9. Name powerful people Original: young leaders and powers Suggested revision: young leaders and influential figures Why it matters: Powers does not naturally refer to individual people in this sentence.
- 10. Use natural contribution phrase Original: inject vigour and new hopes to the world Suggested revision: bring vigour and new hope to the world Why it matters: Bring something to is the correct collocation, and hope is uncountable here.
- 11. Use plural relations Original: relation Suggested revision: relations Why it matters: The statement refers to multiple relationships among countries.
- 12. Remove wordiness Original: among the countries in the world Suggested revision: among countries Why it matters: The shorter phrase preserves the meaning without repetition.
Suggested Rewrites
- the old ones and gained older people and gained
- in at
- acquired abundant knowledge and experience gained extensive knowledge and experience
- essential to their future career essential for their future careers
- judges judgments
- tendency of conservation tendency to be conservative
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay explains several plausible reasons for younger people's increased influence and considers both benefits and drawbacks with relevant contrasts between energy and experience. However, it never clearly decides whether the development is good or bad, and the single-block presentation obscures the otherwise logical sequence. The highest priority is to state a qualified final judgment and organise the causes, advantages, and disadvantages in separate paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Relevant causes, advantages, and disadvantages are discussed, but the response does not give a clear overall judgment on whether the development is good or bad.
End with an explicit qualified verdict, explaining whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks and under what conditions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas move logically from causes to advantages and disadvantages, but the absence of paragraphing and repeated references to age groups weaken organisation.
Create separate paragraphs for causes and evaluation, and use concise referencing to reduce repetition of 'young people' and 'old people'.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of vocabulary for education, leadership, and social change, though several word choices and collocations are unnatural.
Replace phrases such as 'quick judges', 'young leaders and powers', and 'tendency of conservation' with precise idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures, including comparisons and relative clauses, is generally accurate and easy to follow.
Refine agreement and clause attachment in longer sentences so that relative pronouns and their referents remain unambiguous.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Over the past 50 years, young people have gained status and power but old people have lost. What is the cause and is it a good development or bad development? What is your viewpoint on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.