Some people think that charity organizations should only offer help to people of their own country. But others believe that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live.
Sample Response
Nowadays, many donation corporations and humanitarian organizations consider their own policy to assist their own nation or the poor living in other countries. Some individuals believe that these organisations must only pay attention to deprived areas inside of their country; however, others, included myself, believe that they are responsible for and should help all humans no matter where they live.
On the one hand, those who believe that all types of help must go for their own residents have their own reasons. One is that their citizens pay tax. To assist low-income residents, charity sectors are better to help the donated money, paid by their own people, to native residents than the foreigners because their people pay tax and they have priority to other nations. Another reason behind it is that this can positively affect the rate of crime. The more the poor are supported financially, the less they commit crimes. They have less motivation to provide their essential needs in inappropriate ways, and citizens will have a safer living condition. In this case, as local charities considered a remarkable budget for shanty areas in Tehran, the rate of armed robbery declined far considerably, according to a local report published in a local magazine.
On the other hand, I personally believe that these organisations should aid all humans living in other countries similarly. The first convincing reason is that we are all human beings. Clearly, humans live in one Earth and all are creatures of God; therefore, help should not be targeted to specific community or society. For example, as Ebola virus, a dreadful virus which propagated in Africa in 2014, threatened many poor Africans, all organisations paid thousands of dollars for this problem; as a result, this perilous disease was controlled during less than six months. Had not they been received this international assistance, more other humans would have died. In addition, by helping other citizens, United Nations will be backed up more. Obviously, every year, this sector spends millions of dollars on needy living all over the world. In particular, paying money for children who are suffering from malnourishment needs huge funds, which is paid by UNICEF, while if rich governments help poor nations, this organisation will be less under financial pressure.
In conclusion, although some may say that donation system must only support their poor dwellers, I think other nations should receive assistance because all humans are creatures of God and have equal rights to receive money, and this method can reduce the financial pressure of international organisations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use participle form Original: included Suggested revision: including Why it matters: Including is the correct participle for adding the writer to the group.
- 2. Correct aid collocation Original: for Suggested revision: to Why it matters: Aid goes to recipients rather than goes for them.
- 3. Use plural noun Original: tax Suggested revision: taxes Why it matters: The plural taxes is natural when referring generally to citizens' compulsory payments.
- 4. Name organisations precisely Original: charity sectors Suggested revision: charitable organisations Why it matters: Charitable organisations accurately identifies the bodies that distribute donated money.
- 5. Correct verb pattern Original: are better to help the donated money Suggested revision: would be better advised to direct donated money Why it matters: Direct money to recipients is the natural expression for allocating donations.
- 6. Fix comparison form Original: than the foreigners Suggested revision: rather than to foreigners Why it matters: Rather than to creates a parallel comparison between the two recipient groups.
- 7. Correct priority phrase Original: they have priority to other nations Suggested revision: they should take priority over people in other nations Why it matters: Take priority over is the standard expression for having a stronger claim.
- 8. Correct needs collocation Original: provide Suggested revision: meet Why it matters: People meet their needs; they do not provide their needs.
- 9. Use plural conditions Original: a safer living condition Suggested revision: safer living conditions Why it matters: Living conditions is conventionally plural when describing people's general circumstances.
- 10. Use budget collocation Original: considered a remarkable budget Suggested revision: allocated a substantial budget Why it matters: Allocate a substantial budget naturally describes assigning significant funds to an area.
- 11. Remove faulty intensifier Original: declined far considerably Suggested revision: declined considerably Why it matters: Far cannot modify considerably in this construction.
- 12. Correct preposition Original: in Suggested revision: on Why it matters: People live on the Earth, so on is the required preposition.
Suggested Rewrites
- included including
- for to
- tax taxes
- charity sectors charitable organisations
- are better to help the donated money would be better advised to direct donated money
- than the foreigners rather than to foreigners
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear position and develops both viewpoints through organised, relevant paragraphs with supporting examples. Its main limitation is imprecise language: frequent awkward collocations, article and preposition errors, and one malformed conditional weaken otherwise complex argumentation. The highest priority is to express each reason in more natural, exact wording and proofread complex sentences so that examples support the argument without grammatical distraction.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both perspectives are addressed and the writer's preference is clear throughout, with multiple relevant reasons and examples supporting it.
Strengthen the logic connecting each example to charity policy, particularly the claims about taxation, crime and international organisations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, contrasting body sections and conclusion, and its main ideas progress in a readily followed sequence.
Reduce repetition within paragraphs and break up densely chained explanations so each reason and example has a sharper progression.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a wide topic-related vocabulary, but frequent unnatural choices and collocations reduce precision and fluency.
Prefer natural combinations such as charitable organisations, people in need and provide assistance, and check prepositions in comparative phrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a good range of complex structures, but recurring errors with articles, agreement, prepositions and clause formation are noticeable.
Review article use and complex verb patterns, especially conditionals such as the sentence beginning Had not they been received.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that charity organizations should only offer help to people of their own country. But others believe that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.