Food can be produced much more cheaply today because of improved fertilizers and better machinery. However, some of the methods used to do this may be dangerous to human health and may have negative effects on local communities.
Sample Response
Food is one of the most important ingredients that give energy to people, which might be produced naturally without fertilizers and machinery or with. Even though the quantity of food might be increased, unfortunately, the quality of it might be affected. This essay will describe the possibility of cheap production of food and the drawbacks from such production. One of the most conspicuous trends in the twenty-first century is that modern food can be produced with the help of superior machinery. Additionally, scientists created new fertilizers that certainly made the growing process faster. These unnatural innovations dramatically improved production processes. The price of food has decreased and as a result, people can buy more food for the same amount of money. On the other hand, these advantages do not overweight drawbacks because people’s health have significantly being suffered from these new technological innovations and, especially, fertilizes. For instance, according to the recent statistic, the more people use fertilizes to grow the food, the more individuals suffer cancer. Furthermore, many babies were born with disabilities that might be due to the diet of their parents, particularly, the quality of food. To sum up, there is no doubt that there is a possibility of food production by using upgraded machines and new fertilizes. However, the quality of food dramatically decreases when people use these new modern improvements. I believe that the fast production of food cannot make people benefit from it. Moreover, these may bring only disadvantages for people, for example, more individuals suffering from cancer.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural amount phrase Original: the quantity of food might be increased Suggested revision: the amount of food might increase Why it matters: Food is uncountable, and the intransitive verb expresses an increase in supply naturally.
- 2. Use possessive determiner Original: the quality of it Suggested revision: its quality Why it matters: The possessive determiner makes the reference to food concise and grammatical.
- 3. Use concise production phrase Original: cheap production of food Suggested revision: inexpensive food production Why it matters: The revision is more concise and formal.
- 4. Use correct preposition Original: from Suggested revision: of Why it matters: Drawbacks takes of when identifying the activity that has disadvantages.
- 5. Remove illogical modifier Original: modern food Suggested revision: food Why it matters: Modern describes methods or technology rather than food itself in this context.
- 6. Use technology adjective Original: superior Suggested revision: advanced Why it matters: Advanced is the natural adjective for improved production machinery.
- 7. Use present perfect Original: scientists created Suggested revision: scientists have developed Why it matters: The present perfect connects past innovations with their current effects.
- 8. Maintain present perfect Original: that certainly made Suggested revision: that have certainly made Why it matters: The relative clause should maintain the present-perfect time frame of recent developments.
- 9. Use neutral technology phrase Original: unnatural Suggested revision: technological Why it matters: Technological identifies the type of innovation without the imprecise label unnatural.
- 10. Set off connector Original: and as a result, Suggested revision: and, as a result, Why it matters: The parenthetical connector as a result requires commas on both sides.
- 11. Use plural statistics Original: the recent statistic Suggested revision: recent statistics Why it matters: Statistics is the conventional plural noun for a body of numerical evidence.
- 12. Fix fertilizer phrase Original: fertilizes to grow the food Suggested revision: fertilizers to grow food Why it matters: Fertilizers is the required noun, and food used generally does not take the definite article.
Suggested Rewrites
- the quantity of food might be increased the amount of food might increase
- the quality of it its quality
- cheap production of food inexpensive food production
- from of
- modern food food
- superior advanced
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay establishes a clear contrast between cheaper, higher-volume production and possible harm to health, with a consistent negative judgment about the trade-off. Its main limitation is incomplete coverage: local-community effects are not addressed, and the health claims are broad and weakly supported. Add a developed community consequence alongside a carefully explained health example, then revise the frequent word-form, agreement, and sentence-construction errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The benefits of machinery and fertilisers and the possible health dangers are discussed, but effects on local communities are omitted and supporting claims remain general.
Explain one specific community impact, such as small-farm displacement or polluted local water, and support both it and the health risk through clear causal reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
A basic benefits-to-drawbacks progression is visible, but the one-paragraph format, mechanical linking, and repetitive conclusion limit coherence.
Use distinct paragraphs for cheaper production, health dangers, community effects, and a conclusion that synthesises rather than repeats.
Lexical Resource
Some relevant production and health vocabulary is attempted, but frequent misuse and word-form errors make several claims imprecise.
Use accurate terms such as food, fertilisers, outweigh, statistics, develop cancer, modern methods, and mechanised production.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually recoverable, but frequent agreement, verb-form, article, preposition, and clause-construction errors weaken control.
Rewrite each complex claim as a complete subject-verb sentence and check tense and agreement before combining ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Food can be produced much more cheaply today because of improved fertilizers and better machinery. However, some of the methods used to do this may be dangerous to human health and may have negative effects on local communities.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.