Food can be produced much more cheaply today because of improved fertilizers and better machinery. However, some of the methods used to do this may be dangerous to human health and may have negative effects on local communities.
Sample Response
Food is one of the most important ingredients that give energy to people, which might be produced naturally without fertilizers and machinery or with. Even though the amount of food might increasethe quantity of food might be increased, unfortunately, its qualitythe quality of it might be affected. This essay will describe the possibility of inexpensive food productioncheap production of food and the drawbacks offrom such production. One of the most conspicuous trends in the twenty-first century is that foodmodern food can be produced with the help of advancedsuperior machinery. Additionally, scientists have developedscientists created new fertilizers that have certainly madethat certainly made the growing process faster. These technologicalunnatural innovations dramatically improved production processes. The price of food has decreased and, as a result,and as a result, people can buy more food for the same amount of money. On the other hand, these advantages do not overweight drawbacks because people’s health have significantly being suffered from these new technological innovations and, especially, fertilizes. For instance, according to recent statisticsthe recent statistic, the more people use fertilizers to grow foodfertilizes to grow the food, the more individuals suffer from cancersuffer cancer. Furthermore, many babies were born with disabilities that might be due to the diet of their parents, particularly the quality of their foodparticularly, the quality of food. To sum up, there is no doubt that there is a possibility of producing food usingpossibility of food production by using advanced machineryupgraded machines and new fertilizersfertilizes. However, the quality of food dramatically decreases when people use these technological improvementsnew modern improvements. I believe that rapid food productionthe fast production of food cannot make people benefit from it. Moreover, these may bring only disadvantages for people, for example, more individuals suffering from cancer.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay establishes a clear contrast between cheaper, higher-volume production and possible harm to health, with a consistent negative judgment about the trade-off. Its main limitation is incomplete coverage: local-community effects are not addressed, and the health claims are broad and weakly supported. Add a developed community consequence alongside a carefully explained health example, then revise the frequent word-form, agreement, and sentence-construction errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The benefits of machinery and fertilisers and the possible health dangers are discussed, but effects on local communities are omitted and supporting claims remain general.
Explain one specific community impact, such as small-farm displacement or polluted local water, and support both it and the health risk through clear causal reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
A basic benefits-to-drawbacks progression is visible, but the one-paragraph format, mechanical linking, and repetitive conclusion limit coherence.
Use distinct paragraphs for cheaper production, health dangers, community effects, and a conclusion that synthesises rather than repeats.
Lexical Resource
Some relevant production and health vocabulary is attempted, but frequent misuse and word-form errors make several claims imprecise.
Use accurate terms such as food, fertilisers, outweigh, statistics, develop cancer, modern methods, and mechanised production.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually recoverable, but frequent agreement, verb-form, article, preposition, and clause-construction errors weaken control.
Rewrite each complex claim as a complete subject-verb sentence and check tense and agreement before combining ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Food can be produced much more cheaply today because of improved fertilizers and better machinery. However, some of the methods used to do this may be dangerous to human health and may have negative effects on local communities.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.