Some working parents think that childcare centres provide the best care for children who are still too young to go to school. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Although it is common for parents these days to place their children that are pre-school age into childcare centres, some people criticise this and argue that children will receive a better level of care from relatives such as grandparents. Personally, I would argue that the best choice is to send children to a childcare centre.
Those that support care through grandparents cite several reasons for this. Firstly, they claim that this is the safest option due to the fact that they are family members so they can be trusted at all times to put the health and safety of the child first. Another important consideration is costs. Parents will have to pay to place their children in a childcare centre, and with the financial burdens that families face these days, using relatives to care for children would be a considerable cost saving.
Despite these benefits, there are clear advantages of using professional carers. First and foremost, staff members at most centres are fully trained in early childhood education so they understand child development and will be able to nurture the child’s growing skills in the best way. Not only this, since there are a mix of instructional activities during the day such as painting, singing, and storytelling, children’s creativity and learning will be developed. Last but not least, children can benefit from the opportunity to socialize with other children, which they might not get to do with a relative caring for them at home.
To conclude, I am of the opinion that the advantages of using childcare facilities to look after pre-school children clearly outweigh the benefits of using relatives. This is because the environment they are brought up in will result in children who are well-educated, creative and sociable.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural collocation Original: better level of care Suggested revision: higher standard of care Why it matters: Higher standard of care is the more natural formal collocation.
- 2. Use who for people Original: Those that support care through grandparents Suggested revision: Those who support care by grandparents Why it matters: Who is the appropriate relative pronoun for people, and care by identifies the provider clearly.
- 3. Use concise wording Original: due to the fact that Suggested revision: because Why it matters: Because expresses the causal link more directly and economically.
- 4. Use singular cost Original: costs Suggested revision: cost Why it matters: Cost is the natural singular noun for the general financial consideration described here.
- 5. Improve the collocation Original: of Suggested revision: to Why it matters: Advantages to using is a more natural collocation for the benefits of this choice.
- 6. Use a precise adverb Original: in the best way Suggested revision: effectively Why it matters: Effectively conveys the intended meaning more precisely and concisely.
- 7. Use a clear connector Original: Not only this Suggested revision: Moreover Why it matters: Moreover connects the additional benefit more smoothly and formally.
- 8. Fix agreement Original: are Suggested revision: is Why it matters: The verb must agree with the singular head noun mix.
- 9. Use formal signposting Original: Last but not least Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: Furthermore introduces the final supporting point without formulaic wording.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: This is because the environment they are brought up in will result in children who are well-educated, creative and sociable. Suggested revision: This is because childcare centres can provide an environment that helps children become well-educated, creative and sociable. Why it matters: The revision gives they a clear referent and replaces the awkward phrase result in children.
Suggested Rewrites
- better level of care higher standard of care
- Those that support care through grandparents Those who support care by grandparents
- due to the fact that because
- costs cost
- of to
- in the best way effectively
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response addresses both childcare options directly, maintains a clear preference, and supports its ideas with a well-organised range of practical considerations. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision in phrasing and grammar, including awkward references to care arrangements and minor agreement errors. The highest-priority improvement is to preserve the strong development while editing sentences for more natural collocations and consistently accurate agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed through several relevant, well-developed reasons, and the writer's preference remains clear throughout.
Add slightly more qualification to broad claims about the outcomes of childcare to make the evaluation even more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, effectively paragraphised, and easy to follow, with cohesive devices supporting clear progression.
Vary a few enumerative transitions so that the progression feels less visibly signposted and more seamless.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective language for costs, development, safety, and socialisation despite occasional awkward phrasing.
Replace less natural combinations such as 'care through grandparents' with more idiomatic expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and simple structures are flexibly combined with strong overall control, though minor agreement errors remain visible.
Check subject-verb and singular-plural agreement carefully, particularly in phrases such as 'there are a mix'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some working parents think that childcare centres provide the best care for children who are still too young to go to school. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.